I need to tell W that I'm uncomfortable with her 'decorating' the house when she comes over in the morning, or on her thursday visits.
I want to send an E-mail because then there won't be any emotion attached to it.
I want her to know that the morning time with the girls is supposed to be just that, time with them as they get ready for school.
Sometimes she cleans, sometimes she tells them to clean their rooms and other things.
It makes me uncomfortable and I think I should tell her that the girls and I need to create our own christmas traditions so we can heal and get used to living life as a divorced family.
I am afraid I will come across as attacking her or 'keeping her from the girls' during the holidays so I don't want to write it myself.
I feel an email is the wrong medium for such a message. This is something you have to talk face to face on and you need to show that you are firm. Make her to understand the concept of your place and her place. Do you think she would be ok with you coming over to do things at her place?
You are not taking the time with the children away, you are just letting her know you are uncomfortable about her doing the decorating, and the kids want it to be done by them and dad.She will probably be a little hurt, but that is the reality that Amy is talking about, this is what she has chosen. There are repurcussions of her choices.
m-54 w-44 children-4 bomb-sept 21 2007 t-21 m-20yrs bomb-sept 23 2007 divorced but not giving up hope, not yethttp://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...rue#post1224023
I need to tell W that I'm uncomfortable with her 'decorating' the house when she comes over in the morning, or on her thursday visits.
I want to send an E-mail because then there won't be any emotion attached to it.
I want her to know that the morning time with the girls is supposed to be just that, time with them as they get ready for school.
Sometimes she cleans, sometimes she tells them to clean their rooms and other things.
It makes me uncomfortable and I think I should tell her that the girls and I need to create our own christmas traditions so we can heal and get used to living life as a divorced family.
I am afraid I will come across as attacking her or 'keeping her from the girls' during the holidays so I don't want to write it myself.
Thoughts?
1) Keep the mornings before school separate from the Christmas issue.
2) Lose that statement about creating your own Christmas traditions. It IS exclusionary. Simply state that under the circumstances you feel that you each need to plan on your own time with the kids over Christmas because you are not comfortable having a "family celebration". You do not owe her anything more than that. I would not try explaining myself to her if I were you. She left. So she should have foreseen this. If she didn't - tough crap. That's piss poor prior planning on her part, then.
Be careful about what you put in writing.
Be prepared to offer her specific days/hours that she can plan to come get the girls over Christmas.
I feel an email is the wrong medium for such a message. This is something you have to talk face to face on and you need to show that you are firm. Make her to understand the concept of your place and her place. Do you think she would be ok with you coming over to do things at her place?
An email could protect Frank from a legal standpoint.
2) Lose that statement about creating your own Christmas traditions. It IS exclusionary. Simply state that under the circumstances you feel that you each need to plan on your own time with the kids over Christmas because you are not comfortable having a "family celebration". You do not owe her anything more than that. I would not try explaining myself to her if I were you. She left. So she should have foreseen this. If she didn't - tough crap. That's piss poor prior planning on her part, then.
We already have separate plans for Christmas. The girls will spend the morning here, and the afternoon with her.
The issue is that when she is here at the house, she does things like put up decorations. It makes me uncomfortable and kind of is like she is thinking "This is still my home".
