I AM That Rock

[Tawnya]

That's a really good link..thanks for sharing that

Tawnya

[S.T. _I Made It!]

hey girl, hope your having more time to do your school work. yes, definitely ask for that help you need. How about church? do they have any moms day out things or something?

have you heard any more news? sorry I'm not on here as much, I've got to step away as my H is starting to get frustrated with my busy life.

[Babygirl]

ok sis, i loved this today in my email, and make sure you check my thread for info about todays sermon at church!
love you

Sunday, November 23, 2008

The Angels' Song

Deep inside you, a light shines, the light that was born within you as you entered this life.

This light is the beacon in the darkness, the warmth in the cold, the harbor and the refuge. And this light is yours, always there, underneath the emotions, underneath the fear and doubt, always there, shining brightly.

Take a deep breath, now. And then another and then another. Close your eyes and see within you the light in your center. Watch it expand. Watch it expand and expand until it fills your body completely. And as it expands, feel how it contains love and only love. Feel how that love is stronger than the fear and doubt. Let it expand and fill you completely and then, let it expand even further out, so that you are like a lantern that casts its light far out into the night, glowing and bright, filled with love, filled with light, a bright energetic presence.

And now, see that there is a ring of angels around you. See them shining out in a bright, white light. They sing of love. They sing of light. They sing of the wonder of this life and send you the courage to live it and live it well.

Listen to their song. Listen as they sing of your soul's intention for you, how you yearned for this gift of life and received it, how you were given a spark of life, the same spark that shines in your center now. How you were born and how you have been loved and treasured ever since, how helping hands have been right out before you to encourage you to take those steps toward freedom, how the angels have guarded you and protected you, even as they allowed you to live your own life your own way. And they are there for you now, singing this song, your song, the song of your life, of all the wondrous love that is there for you, now and always, if you will allow it to shine for you, and all the guidance and wisdom that is flowing your way each and every moment of every day.

Listen to this song and choose. Choose certainty and belief over doubt. Choose courageous action over fear. Choose to go deeply into your connection with your soul, with these angels and with God, to find yourself and lift yourself into wisdom and joy.

Choose to shine out with all that you are, in all of your wonder, walking in deep faith like a lantern shining out for yourself and others. Choose to love and embrace this precious life and every blessing that it brings you, every moment.

Give thanks and be glad. You are alive and it is good.

[ernest88]

new thread on the 7th level of hell

..want some come get some..

and I know you do

[Amy M]

Hey,you!! Get your work finished???

I'm rooting for you!

Love ya!
Amy

[StrgMarvelousWmn]

No, still working and the prof was so impressed with what I submitted she gave me until tomorrow midnight to submit work! YEAH ME!!!

I have one more paper to knock out for her. Had to take a break, though. My head was pounding from switching between reading reference material and typing on teh computer.

Headache is almost gone and kids are going to bed soon, so then I will get back to it.

SMW

[Tomato]

Hi dearest sis in Christ!

I missed my visits here. Things are a little bit settled down for me and I have returned after a nice rejuvenating sabattical (sp?). I will drop by later and hope to .. 'catch up with you'. I hope you and your family are managing very well. Keep bringing honor and glory to our supreme Lord (as you are so good at). Good night for now. May your heart, mind and soul be at peace.

[StrgMarvelousWmn]

K--

I can finally come up for air.

I got done what I could for Domestic violence. I passed the class and I am happy with it. Ab Psych I have until the 8th to finish a paper that is better than half done. I can get it finished over the weekend this week. So, one last thing tackled for that. New term starts on the 5th.

We have the results from D9's evaluation. It is not pretty but not as bad as it could have been.

The doctor will not completely rule out Asperger's Syndrome. There are a couple of criteria she does not match on, but they also are ones that through conditioning that has been in place, she may have adapted to.

Their is enough evidence to establish that she has frontal lobe developmental delay. D9 was a month premature and a failure to thrive until she was 7 weeks old. All of these factors influence the development of the frontal lobe, where emotional responses and control issues are contained. That explains her outbursts, inappropriate comments, and anger issues.

She also has ADD and anxiety disorder. There is a genetic predisposition to the anxiety disorder and DH suffers from it, too, so I was not surprised by this one. The challenge now is establishing which is the primary--does she suffer from ADD because of the anxiety, or vice versa.

Oh, and as far as her intelligence--well that is now officially confirmed. My little genius is smarter than 92% of 9year olds. Not at all surprised by this, but it also makes dealing with the other issues more challenging. She absorbs information like a sponge, on an adult level, but only has the capabilities of a 9 y/o (and even they are not developed enough) to emotionally process things.

So where do we go from here? Well, we will tackle the ADD first. The medications for that will allow us to better determine the primary faster. We have to slow her emotions down some so that we can begin CBT to teach her how to process things better. We will start the meds over Christmas break, so that she will not have it affecting school.

I emailed DH--I kept it very matter of fact:

DH--

I spoke with D9's doctor. It would be a lot easier to explain this over the phone than it would be to type it all out, and I am still trying to digest it all myself.

Asperger's has not been completely ruled out. The only thing holding them back on an Asperger's diagnosis is her willingness to engage in conversation and make eye contact.

She has a frontal lobe development delay. They think this is tied to her early birth and failure to thrive when she was a baby.

They also believe she has ADD and anxiety disorder, both of which are complicated by the fact that she is incredibly intelligent--she tested in the 92% for 9 year olds. There are other issues that are causing her challenges with the anxiety, too, since she absorbs everything around her like a sponge with an adult intelligence but still only has a child's emotional capacity.

I discussed treatment options and what needs to be done with the school to get her needed accommodations. D9's doctor also asked which parent she was closer to. I told him it was DH. HE said he was afraid of that, as it is going to complicate her therapy. Dr. asked if there was any way to reconcile my marriage. I told him that while I wanted that, the decision was out of my hands and in God's and DH's. Dr stressed that the best environment for D9 was at home, with both parents working together to raise her.

I have not discussed it with D9 yet or what it means, but I will over the weekend. I want to find the right words so that she understands that she is not weird or broken.

It is late and I need to get some sleep. It would be easier to explain everything over the phone. Call when you have the free time to talk. However, it would be easier for me to talk if it was late in the evening our time--after 10--as I do not have to worry about the kids and being distracted.

SMW

I thought I handled it well, keeping things all business right now.

I got the following in return:

SMW,

I’d like to see everyone’s answers to the symptom chart for Asperger’s. She doesn’t even fit most of the criteria. I guess I’ll have to talk to you over the phone about it and see what the deal is. Every child I know has ADD and it was a YES for the medical pre-screen for most every applicant that tried joining the Navy. I’d blame her problems on us before any of that other sh!t. We all scream and yell at her more than anything and I was always too busy doing whatever instead of spending enough time with her. I’ll try calling at around 0900 in the AM which is right after all my morning meetings and cleaning stations.

Oh, when and how much does the rent go up? I need to update the auto payments and I can’t remember what you had told me for a start date on the increase.

DH

I am too frustrated with him to think. He would rather bury his head in the sand than face reality.

I want to ask him how he thought only spending 54 hours a month with them now was going to alleviate the problem of him not spending enough time with them. AARRGGHH

SMW

[Silent Chrleader]

Hi, {{{{{{SMW}}}}}}.

I so feel for you with your D9. If your H doesn't come to terms with the idea that she has a legitimate mental handicap it can have devastating results as she goes through her teenage years.

My H is very much a black/white person and doesn't deal well with the "grey" areas of humanity, and as our D grew up we always tried to deal with her as if she were "normal". We figured and were told that the world is still the world and she needs to learn to live in it. We struggled constantly with how much is "willful" and how much is "handicap", because these are very intelligent children and they will learn to manipulate! I always thought H was too harsh. He always thought I was too "wishy-washy".

D had terrible problems in school as time went on, not because she couldn't do the work, but because she was bored with the work so refused to do it, and had no friends for a long time because she was "weird". It got so bad with the bullying and "targeting" at school that we home-schooled her for her 8th & 9th grade years. Our D got to the point where they installed a camera on the bus and had her sit right behind the driver so the other kids wouldn't pick on her. The stories I could tell would bring tears to your eyes really.

Our D was a beautiful smiling baby and little girl. In early years, even when kids thought she was weird, she was oblivious and always just kept bouncing back. Of course we worried and always tried to "fix" everything. Then in high school, she got rebelious (as most teenagers will). She hated us for all the therapy and "trying to fix her" (we had a therapy visits with her weekly for 7+ years). She fought with H ALL the time and our house was a battle ground and I was the mediator.

Our S (6 years younger than D) didn't get the attention he needed because our whole family revolved around D's difficulty. D love S at first like he was her own special play toy, but then in her teen years came to resent S because he didn't have the same problems and H loved him and not her (her perception). Then when D was 17, we found out that she molested S. S told a family friend, thankfully, and we got to call the Police on our own D! Today D says that she did it to punish H, and to get thrown out of the house. D went to live with my mom until she was 18 and then moved on.....We couldn't figure out after years of "therapy", and "being involved", how this could happen. Our C at the time was crushed because she even never saw it coming, and she is still in contact with D24 today.

Today, 7 years later, we've all had therapy surrounding this situation, and have dealt with this as best we can. S17 has probably dealt with it better than us adults! D24 has virtually no relationship with H. She hates him, yet craves his attention and approval. H can hardly stand to be in the same room with her (I think because she represents failure to him). Don't get me wrong. I know without doubt that both H and I did our best with the tools we had at the time and tried very hard to do the right thing and be good parents. I believe that without H's high expectations of D, she possible would not be as functional as she is today (she is currently in college and wants to be a nurse).

I don't tell you all of this to scare you, really! I just want to illustrate how important these issues can be. If I had it to do over, I would cherish more the innocence my D had early on and spend more time just loving her and accepting her as she is. And make sure that you make good family time with D9 and your other kids together so they don't develop jealousy. [This is very hard because I know there is only so much time in the day.] And, try to help your H understand that a handicap such as this is real! And burying his head can have dire consequences.

Take care, and Happy Thanksgiving!!

And I'm sorry for the lllloooonnnngggggg post......

[mishka422]

((((((((((((((((((((((SMW)))))))))))))))))))

Darling girl! I'm an ear to turn to anytime. I just recently got caught up on your sitch but didn't realize that you were having D9 tested for possible Aspberger's.

My son Marcus has mild Aspberger's & ADHD. It took us nearly 6 years to pinpoint down to this. Various tests, doctors, psychologists, etc could not rule out Aspberger's but also could not confirm it so that he would qualify for additional aid. They had his labeled OHI (Other Health Impaired) for his IEP's. They also labeled him as having PDD (Pervasive Developmental Disorder) just to throw a "title" on him for a while.

I understand your frustration with your H. He is not wanting to face facts. He wants to blame everything on environment vs. brain development. That might indicate something genetic and men don't want to EVER face that possibility.

I am here for you anytime you want to talk sis. I have some great books that I will get the full titles of for you.