Hi Ali, In Jody's words & your H saying he's in too deep - that basically means, he feels that he has done so many things wrong that he can't go back to you. Jody's words were that he past the bridge or river of no return. Remember he is plagued by guilt and probably letting fear control him as my H is.
Me39, XH45 Kids 3 dogs, 2 cats Divorced 6/4/09 Tricky thing is not how you live, but how you live with yourself. (POTC)
I've never posted to you but I read your thread alot. I've just started updating mine after several months.
I think you're amazing and I really appreciate your astrology knowledge as well.
I think of it this way - if the gods said to you - you're going to have 2 years all to yourself, then you'll be rewarded with a great companion (maybe your BF, maybe someone new)what would you do? Learn to fly or play the guitar, get in incredible shape, run a marathon, read all those piled up books,write a book, etc., etc.?
It's really true, all you can do is take care of yourself and someone will eventually come around.
Me 56 H 47 Married 21 years No children Bomb & moved out 4/07 "My feelings have changed" & "I want to live by myself". Ow Bomb 8/07 H filed 6/08 D final 2/05/10
Hey GFI, thats funny! I dont know if he has the strength, the guts or the desire to break up with her. So its looking over, I cant wait forever, as I have already waited a year. I feel a little resentful that he just started a new R, with the state he is in, and after all that contact we were enjoying. I dont get it. And I am back to wondering what is so great about her!? Hmm, not better, just different...
MrsM..Wow, so do you mean, thats what Jody said to you as your H said he was in too deep? Its such a telling phrase, I am still wondering what exactly he meant, he did say "stuff has happened"..I think you're right, so much has happened he doesnt see (want?) how he can go back. BUT.. he's clearly not happy.
Hey SilverFox! I havent seen your thread. The phrases in your tagline are exactly what my ex said to me!
Thankyou for saying I am amazing, but I dont see why I am ! I do still love and respect him and can separate the behaviour in the past year from the man that was loving and kind to me for 11 years. BUT.. he better make some kind of move soon, I'm talking next month or two or three, but I cant see me waiting longer. I wil have a 2nd christmas alone, then our 10 year anniversary, then my birthday.
I agree with you.. I dont mind being alone and doing all the things I want. I do miss being in a relationship though. Its so sad.. its hard now to be back in touch with him, but then not hear from him since Thursday and imagining him having a good weekend with her.
In reality, I bet he is depressed, miserable and got drunk again Saturday night and hungover all day yesterday!
Morning! Been reading but quiet. A little busy too. Read Priya today, pretty good. Haven't checked anything else yet. Still wiping the sleep from my eyes.
Have you set a time for Friday yet? If not, I would check with him at some point just to do that maybe. Anyway, have a wonderful day.
SF-I too heard the words in signature, those exact words. Been following you sitch a little. I love what you said about what would you do, and that is an excellent idea.
If you focus on the past, you ruin the future. You can only live for today.
Hey Kel! I've been reading Julie Demboski..its all happening Friday! Yes Priya is so insightful. So we are leaving 4ish Friday, from his work I think. I'd love to go for out with him that night when we get back (8pm ish).
He has blown all his savings this year - when he told me he is moving to J house in January, I must have looked crestfallen, because he jumped in with the reassurances (which was wierd in itself!) about how he has to, only because he is so broke and has no money. My BFF said, I wonder how long he'll last on his own, depressed before he cracks and just starts dating someone. I understand it wasnt me versus her.. coming back to me was a massive decision, he knows it would be for life, M, kids...too scary.
Its incredible he actually told his BMF he is worrying about aging and getting old and scared of dying..(also, WHY DIDNT HE JUST TALK TO ME ABOUT IT!?) SO textbook MLC. When I suggested that watching his Dad die in a coma had triggered this, he got angry and said, dont bring my Dad into this, its nothing to do with him. He should have had bereavement C. He clammed up about it within a month of his Dad dying.
So.. I get that this chaotic R is par for the course, he is in a dark depressed place, I didnt describe the look in his eyes Tuesday, but it was sheer torment. It was like someone had just died, or he had. It made my stomach turn over and made me weep. Plus she sounds like a messed up girl with no self-respect (downing pints, drink driving, having s*x with 2 separate guys in one night at a party?? Not good. God knows what my ex thought standing listening to her telling THAT story to his BMF! Great, thats my new gf. Arent I lucky). My BFF said, its the blackness in her that he is attracted to. She is Pluto-Venus.
I also accept that he WAS into her and it must have been new and exciting and a big distratcion. From what I have seen and all the crying and him saying, I dont know what I want or what to do.. and what his mate G said, it wont last, I think you should hang in there.. perhaps the sheen has worn off and reality has kicked in?
Looking at where we were at until August and him still being connected to me...being very very depressed, now saying "whats the point of it all?", theres NO WAY he is emoitionally in any fit state to be committing to a new long-term R. He would have got together with her because he doesnt have to be accountable for outcomes with her, but maybe she is pressing for more commitment.
Good I'm glad you have a set time for Friday. Yes he probably should have had bereavement counseling, but even that doesn't always help unfortunately. Some people just don't have that faith in there really being somewhere better, but they dont' realize it until they face death close to home. Yes classic MLC and it just isn't any fun. No he couldn't talk to you about it. You know him too well, and I really think somewhere in there they know things logically and can't reconcile their feelings with the logic. So the ride begins. Longest damn rollercoaster I've ever been on.
Stop analyzing, worrying about waiting and do what you have to for Ali. If he comes around, your heart will tell you what to do then.
If you focus on the past, you ruin the future. You can only live for today.
Your H lost someone too didnt he. Its textbook MLC, something like death of a parent triggers it. I meant to say, when I asked him about his Dad, that was back in August 07, when he was distant and deciding he wanted space and said "my Dad was unhappy all his life".. we havent talked about it since. The Cruse, bereavement C said, watching a parent fade to death in a coma can really mess your head up!
We are both having Pluto square Pluto and are both in C. He is suffereing more than me (although I've been in hell all year too!). Here is a quick, interesting article on the 4 indicators of MLC. He is 35 and having Pluto square Pluto, but his Pluto is exact conjunct Venus (woman/mother) and squared to Saturn (father/maturing), so thats all getting tied in too..Saturn, is Old Father Time and its in his 8th house of death...
Interesting you say (and you are right).. "No he couldn't talk to you about it. You know him too well".. yes, why is that? It does seem to work that way, but I dont understand why!?
I do worry that he is/becoming suicidally depressed, I just want to vent that here. He kept saying "whats the point of it all?" and it worried me when he said he watches himself, working, eating, and thinks.. whats the point? He then said, "I'm nothing, forget me, I'm dead, I'm dead." Makes me shudder.
Yes my H lost his GM and that is about where things began. Actually, since 2002, he has lost all of his grandparents who were more like parents to him than either of his parents. I always worried how losing them would effect him. I lost all of mine when I was young. So I really understood death. Plus I know they are still here and I feel their presence all of the time. But he had never lost anyone. The final one to pass, was his favorite one. The one who always loved him and never made him feel like he wasn't good enough. We didn't really talk about it much, he never has liked talking about his feelings. But I've always known what was going on in his head. Until she died. Then the MLC stuff started and well you kinda know the rest.
If you focus on the past, you ruin the future. You can only live for today.
Hmmm.. Leos (was it you that said that?) they wear the mask, dont like people to see the squishy vunerable inside, have to maintain a dignified King of the Castle together front. Foolish pride.
I'm feeling increasingly wierd today.. I'm feeling him gone, or going (or is it me thats going?). I think after the explosion of honesty and emotion last Tuesday, I am deflated to get one text message since and thats all. Although, it was a remarkable text, saying it had been good to see me. Its a speck of a crumb though isnt it. Maybe this is how it would be anyway (as it has been this way since September), or maybe that talk freaked him out. Still, he started it! And stuck with it. He didnt want to get out the car.
I guess we will be in touch over the next few days anyway about this lift home, or maybe I will email him tommorow. Just feel sad, like, something is ending. Not sure what, but I can sense it.
