Well ya never know what he wants to talk about after New Years. Concentrate on 180 and meeting the EN's. If you think to hard on that stuff you'll LB when you see him.
For everyone, 180's are particularly important as sometimes the H's are watching us and really in a deciding mode as bad as that sounds. These 180's need to be changes that we truly implement not just for spouses but for ourselves. Hopefully they will be the ones to benefit from these 180's.
So as DR/DB mentions take stock, what is it that your spouses maybe complained about that maybe you kinda know this is an area you really wanted to improve anyways. It cannot be surface change, you've gotta put it into practice every time until it becomes a part of you.
Is it better listening, more femininity, stronger domestic, keeping yourself physically attractive, not being opinionated or always right, more open to recreational activities with spouse, what is it and only you will know. I know for myself I needed to improve my listening skills and curb my opinions and entertain the fact that on his opinions he may be right.
Even if the marriage comes together again and the 180's are not done its really going right back into what was and if you remember what was failed. I want new marriage and better marriage if it happens. And even if our marriages do reconcile you must keep up your GAL and all those things that make up the new you.
Keep 180'ing hard ya'll make those improvements and investments in you. See your self having a good time and enjoying your family and kids during the holidays. You don't want a fogged out H during the Thanksgiving and Christmas. You want your true spouses, so don't force anything. It's a really good time for the betraying spouses to take stock and to feel the repercussions of their actions. You don't have to do a thing and they are going to feel it.
Today I am going to sit down with the kids and plan Thanksgiving. It think were gonna back and make goodies the night before and maybe see a movie and decorate the tree on Thanksgiving, play some board games and have fun. I'm not going to focus, as much as I can with God's help, on my spouse not being there. I have kids and my kids rock and so do yours and they deserve and YOU deserve to have a beautiful Thanksgiving and Christmas. Take time nightly maybe when ya go to bed and just see your self enjoying Thanksgiving and Christmas you'll start to feel better and really look forward to it.
As far as I know my H won't be with us and yeah it stings a bit but doggone it I'm gonna enjoy things and plan things with the kids to ensure it. Life is big, it doesn't hinge on 1 person in your life. It can but only if you let it. I'm not saying its easy and Im not saying it doesnt hurt, but purpose in your mind to have the best time you can during the holidays okie dokie!
Plus its great for the betraying spouses to see you have such joy during this time. Laugh a lot, be confident and cheerful. I'm sure it rocks their fogged brain because life needs to hinge around them and how dare you have joy during Thanksgiving or Christmas.
I'll leave ya with this. God gives us all peace and joy, he is not a man that he should lie and he is not an Indian giver correct? So Peace and joy don't leave us we leave that place of peace and joy.
Have a great day guys! Go plan fun stuff for Thanksgiving!
Back later if I can.....
Me-38 H-38 Married 18years Daughter-17 & Son-9 Discovery of EA/PA 4/23/08 Left home 5/08/08 Moved in with OW 08/01/08
The only rock I know that stays steady, the only institution I know that works is the family. -- Lee Iacocca
T2L, I wish you could bottle some of this good advice and sell it! Need to hear this today.
Also if you get a chance go to Playhouse - YOYO. She has been a great Dber and she thought maybe her H was backpedaling to OW and I told her about Plan A/Plan B and said you would be the one to talk to. take care...where is everybody else.
Me 53 H 50 D16, D29 M 22 years bomb 7/08 INH - alien pod replaces H 8/08 - OW (direct report), I work there also bomb II - H moves 10/1 expose ow 10/22 D to be final 9-09
Me 53 H 50 D16, D29 M 22 years bomb 7/08 INH - alien pod replaces H 8/08 - OW (direct report), I work there also bomb II - H moves 10/1 expose ow 10/22 D to be final 9-09
Hello ladies! {{{{{T2L}}}}} and {{{{{HOPE}}}}} It's been hectic at work today! But it feels good nonetheless to get things done and make decisions.
So I finally responded to H about his msgs to stop ignoring him. I was very vague and told him no matter what answer I gave didn't matter because he already had an answer in his mind and that is what he truly believed. I said how is my answer going to make a difference in his life now and that knowing the truth would not bring him closer because that is something you should decide for yourself.
Of course he persisted repeatedly for a yes or no answer and for me to stop beating around the bush. I didn't respond after that. He actually went so far as to leaving me a voice mail message yesterday after work. His message said to stop ignorning him and to just give him an answer. The interesting part was that he also said that he received a letter from the court about the D stating that if no action was taken by Jan 1st the petition would be dismissed. He asked me to look over the paperwork again or else I would be stuck married to him forever. He didn't say anything about wanting the D and to just sign because he wanted to move on or that he didn't want to be married to me anymore. So it was a bit odd because if he truly wants this to be over wouldn't he be fighting for me to just sign? Wouldn't he be demanding it to be done and over with? Just my thoughts....
Oh and his cell phone just got shut off today....it just keeps going down for him....
Not sure OW is cut out to handle all this....
Me35/H35 D16/SS14 M-1yr/known H 18yrs 1st Bomb: 4/26 OW35 2nd Bomb: 8/17 OW21 Moved out 8/21/08 H filed D on 9/9/08
God determines who walks into your life...it's up to you to decide who you let walk away, who you let stay, and who you refuse to let go.
Hi Marisol, just continue to ignore. I should be easier since his cell phone is cut off. Oh well. Unless H bugs you do not do anything with the D papers. I have a meeting with the DB C at 5 and that is one of my questions if H asks me for D -- how do I handle it. You are doing fine. On the other hand -- your right how is the OW handling this?
T2L, I know you are keeping busy. You are in our thoughts and prayers. Wondering if you had chance to look at "script". I can't get into my Yahoo mail at work. thanks
Me 53 H 50 D16, D29 M 22 years bomb 7/08 INH - alien pod replaces H 8/08 - OW (direct report), I work there also bomb II - H moves 10/1 expose ow 10/22 D to be final 9-09
Yes I have been reading the script. Its much more detailed than I thought and I don't want to screw it up. I'm gonna get it really memorized and shoot for a lovely call Monday morning! Whoo Hooo!
So was in the jacuzzi with DS10 last night. H calls at 8:30 to talk to DS10. They talk for a few about different things and then H asks DS10 if I am in the jacuzzi with him and he says yes. (Boundary tester)H tells DS10 to say hi to me. I say nothing and nod and DS10 keeps on talking about random stuff.
I am determined. I am not coming out of Plan B. Not until he leaves OW. I did a great Plan A and not ruining it by contact. I do not have grace in my heart to spend Thanksgiving, Dec 9th(19 year anniversary) and Christmas with the white elephant in the room that everyone sees and acts like its not there. Sorry bud, dump her that's it. I am prepared to make it to April 23rd which is 1 year of Discovery at that time I will decided whether or not I want o go further. In my heart I feel giving a person 1 year to figure out if they love you is fair. I'll just have to see how i feel.
But I definitely don't want to spend Thanksgiving with him in fog land, it would only ruin a perfectly great day.
Anyways I'm off to do some errands....be back later....
Me-38 H-38 Married 18years Daughter-17 & Son-9 Discovery of EA/PA 4/23/08 Left home 5/08/08 Moved in with OW 08/01/08
The only rock I know that stays steady, the only institution I know that works is the family. -- Lee Iacocca
Please let me know what DB C says... I am thinking of calling one maybe after thanksgiving... I have my C appointment today too... I'm quite sure my H is going to ask for D first of the year too b/c he already has mentioned it.. so we'll need to be support for each other.
T2L - good job of hanging on tight and I think a good plan B could be done by text or email as long as it is business drivin and not small talk.... I know he is bucking the system... and him saying "Hi" is him missing you.... sometime these men aren't strong enough to make decisions they need a hard tough plan....
Marisol - can't believe it ... look at your H coming around... not mentioning the big D... and you thought it was over.. who knows.. keep DBing and praying...
I have some updates and will try to post these here or on my thread today... don't have time right now and it is too much... check back on my thread
Hope everyone else is good.
Me: 38/H:40 M:7yrs TG: 10yrs 2Girls: 4yr & 7 month old Bomb 8/22/08 OW/EA/PA 8/23/08 with 25yr old Moved out 9/22/08
{{{{T2L}}} good to hear from you. So H is doing some fishing trying to still cake eat. Like you are going to melt with the sound of his voice!!! They are too too much. Stay strong. At least H is calling. I would take that as a good sign.
Thanks for looking at the script. Maybe on Sunday we can talk for am minute. Appreciate it.
I am doing something different tonight. My neighbors asked us to go to the "Roller Derby" tonight. Something I have never done and I sounds like it will be fun to watch. D15 is coming also, which is nice to spend time with her on a Friday. take care everyone.
Me 53 H 50 D16, D29 M 22 years bomb 7/08 INH - alien pod replaces H 8/08 - OW (direct report), I work there also bomb II - H moves 10/1 expose ow 10/22 D to be final 9-09
Ok 180 for today! Went to staff meeting, H was there (slightly portly), but in a good mood. Did notice that his shirts have been very neatly pressed (OW must be doing them), We walked outside after the meeting and it was windy and cold (for Texas in the low 50s). Since H is wearing no jacket he starts saying its really cold, its really cold. So I sortva knock into him and said I would keep you warm but it probably isn't allowed. H looks flustered and starts laughing but nervously. We talk another minute with a co-worker and said I am going back to my desk and H says are you cold and I said no just going back. I said take care of yourself and leave -- first. Don't know what the New Year will bring but I am not going down without a DB fight.
Me 53 H 50 D16, D29 M 22 years bomb 7/08 INH - alien pod replaces H 8/08 - OW (direct report), I work there also bomb II - H moves 10/1 expose ow 10/22 D to be final 9-09
