Thanksgiving will certainly be a 180 for you. It will be good for you, I honestly believe that. Just relax and enjoy it and don't worry about H too much, he is a big boy afterall.
kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
Hi Everyone, Thanks for responding. Your responses always lift me up. I don't intend on "accusing" him of anything without facts. I haven't even mentioned anything to him.
Saffie asked if he ever talks about the future. Yes, he does in fleeting moments. He has said on several times he wants us to get a vacation home on the lake. He talks about buying me a new vehicle. Sunday afternoon he was over and I was talking about hiring someone to take the carpet up out of my room. He said no, don't do that we will do it after hunting season is over.
I did find out some info last night. The OW's exH called last night. I guess in a way we have become friends. He called to tell me that the OW is taking him back to court on Monday. She is trying to get him to help pay for utilities for the house that they are trying to sell. His objection to that is that he wanted to move in their house after she moved out and bought another house. He has been trying to buy her out but she won't accept his offer. He at least wanted to live in it until it sold, but she refuses to let him have possession of the house. She still has possession of the house, so he looks at it this way, she can pay the utilities. He said his L agreed with him.
The exH also told me that the OW's dad is in the hospital with some serious heart blockage. This happened last week while H was on his hunting trip. So I'm wondering if she is laying a sympathy card on my H.
The OW also seems to be tattling on DD20 who works part-time for H when she doesn't have a class. When DD doesn't have any work to do she gets on Facebook. Apparently OW has told H that the computer could get a virus because of FB and tells H everytime DD gets on it when he's not there. The exH's and OW's son was telling him about it. My H doesn't know much about computers so I'm sure OW is able to convince him that DD will get a virus on the computer. I called DD last night and told her to watch her back.
Hope3343, thanks so much for stopping by. Can you give me a summary to the plans you talked about?
Hugs, Yoyo
Life's challenges are not supposed to paralyze you, they're supposed to help you discover who you are. -- Bernice Johnson Reagon
Sorry that the old OW is still a pain in the arse. Just a question? If it was "their" house, why couldn't her ex-h have talked to the authorities and gotten back in the house himself? What a b*tch!
I'm going to try to update my thread too.
Been thinking about you.
SueS
ME: 42, H: 42, D6 Together: 18 yrs. Married: 15 yrs. Attended Retrouvaille - December 2009 Status: Working on it day by day
Hi Sue, Great to hear from you. I've been wondering how you were!
As far as the house situation goes for them. I don't know why but the system wouldn't let him move back in. She is very much a manipulating b*tch! I wish my H could see that. I'm sure he never sees that side of her! It seems that she is starting to have financial problems. I'm sure she thought when all of this started that she and my H would be married by now! It doesn't make since that she moved out of her house before it sold. As a matter of fact because it is unoccupied the insurance has gone up on it!
Life's challenges are not supposed to paralyze you, they're supposed to help you discover who you are. -- Bernice Johnson Reagon
Hi Yoyo, If you take a look at T2L stich she was using the Plan A/Plan B from "surviving an affair". A short synopsis of this is that once you get past the resentment of your H having an A, you will need to rebuild the Love Bank. The love bank is a term that is used for deposit of love and admiration. Most M when they split the love bank is usually empty. There is a quiz in the back of the book that helps you figure out your H's biggest needs, eg. Adminiration, Listening, Financial etc. Once you know the top 5 you try and use these needs to start your R over with your H. This is called Plan A. Set your goal for when you will be done with Plan A. It is really cake eating for the H. Once you feel that you put forth a good Plan A, then you go to Plan B. Basically it is a No contact with H. You set up a friend that will intercede for you to even talk about the children. Basically you give H a letter saying you can no longer accept OW and need her out of your lives and to rebuild the marriage. It is almost like the last resort technique in divorce busting. It is risky but it puts an end of waiting forever for your H to get off of the fence. As I said check out T2L posts. She has executed a great Plan A and can give you more details. take care
Me 53 H 50 D16, D29 M 22 years bomb 7/08 INH - alien pod replaces H 8/08 - OW (direct report), I work there also bomb II - H moves 10/1 expose ow 10/22 D to be final 9-09
Hope3343, Thanks for filling me in on the plan. I would definitely say I have filled his love bank. I have told him before that I couldn't be in a relationship with 3. He will then panic and do better. Things will be going great and then he withdraws a little.
Right now I wouldn't say he has withdrawn a tremendous amount, but he is different than he was prior to the trip. I can't say that anyone on the trip had anything to do with it, becaue I know they think he was crazy for what he did walking out on the marriage and taking up with OW.
Life's challenges are not supposed to paralyze you, they're supposed to help you discover who you are. -- Bernice Johnson Reagon
Hi Yoyo, go over the marriagebuilders.com site. It will give you some good info. What you have to decide is how long you are willing to wait without starting to get resentment and your relationship turning bitter because H can't make up his mind. I will tell T2L to look at your stich. You have done remarkably well during this time and you know everyone on this board is always rooting for a success story. good luck
Me 53 H 50 D16, D29 M 22 years bomb 7/08 INH - alien pod replaces H 8/08 - OW (direct report), I work there also bomb II - H moves 10/1 expose ow 10/22 D to be final 9-09
