All this attention is flattering! If you would like to talk about your daughter I would be more than happy too. As for the discussion about your cousin there is nothing more to say. I am moving on and so should you.
What do you all think? Too harsh?
Me35/H35 D16/SS14 M-1yr/known H 18yrs 1st Bomb: 4/26 OW35 2nd Bomb: 8/17 OW21 Moved out 8/21/08 H filed D on 9/9/08
God determines who walks into your life...it's up to you to decide who you let walk away, who you let stay, and who you refuse to let go.
{{{{{{{T2L}}}}}}, how are you? what have you been doing to keep busy? Did you find a new mediator to speak to H if needed? Thinking about you often. I think this might take awhile for H to come around. I am sure he is going through all of the emotions and still wanting control. They have had control for so long now it will be hard for them to give some of that up and come out of the fog. Praying for you.
Saw H at meeting. Looks like h@ll. He stopped at my desk to pick up mail. We made some small talk. H asked if I booked for CT yet. I said no but have to do it. Said D15 does not really want to go. H said he wants to see D15 but I should say to her when I go out that her Dad needs to stop over or say that Dad needs to give her a ride. In his eyes he thinks that D is not seeing him because he is a low down cheat but because D15 can probably get away with more than if he was in the picture...fog babble babble babble. I cut that one down quick. I said she has been really good, helping at at home (stretch the truth), and has been really good. I said she is hurt and is masking it with anger. Then I slipped -- said I know you were not happy but you really did things wrong by going out with OW. She does not need you -- we need you. (darn it!). Then H says see we start off good talking then you wreck it by getting emotional. I said sorry but I am not perfect and sometimes it does really hurt but I have been good and keeping busy and making sure that D15 is good and happy. Then H says if you don't want to tell your family about us you can always tell them that I went to see my sister for X-mas and that is why I am not there. ??????? H said I also have told no one from work (yeah to his benefit since he can carry on his A). H then says after the New Year -- then we will talk...So I said talk about what? I do want to remind you that if you decided to ask me for a D that you need to remember that I am getting my own L, claiming adultery, and naming OW. H looked pained. I said you asked me to be fair well you were not fair at all with us. You need to know that. This is my biggest fear that his game plan is to wait after the holidays and hit me with that. I swear it will be the longest D in the history of Tx! I will delay it as long as possible. Then H leaves but I get a hug out of it!! Put me in the funny farm...
T2L, need to talk about script. Ready action.
All, thanks for your input. Glad you are getting out there and meeting new people. I know it is hard to make friends sometimes, but recently I have been going out more with a neighbor and another friend so it helps tremendously. As for your sister you need to confide. Family are pains but they do have our best interest.
Me 53 H 50 D16, D29 M 22 years bomb 7/08 INH - alien pod replaces H 8/08 - OW (direct report), I work there also bomb II - H moves 10/1 expose ow 10/22 D to be final 9-09
Marisol, use humor -- so H does not continue to think he is "king of the world". You don't want to put his cousin on the spot so if you are vague and laugh at him he might have to rethink his position. good luck.
Me 53 H 50 D16, D29 M 22 years bomb 7/08 INH - alien pod replaces H 8/08 - OW (direct report), I work there also bomb II - H moves 10/1 expose ow 10/22 D to be final 9-09
Ya know its funny, he didn't care to much in ignoring you and now the darn tables have turned. Hilarious. Your doing good see the reaction of the pulling back just a bit.
I would do the best you can to answer it if you feel you need to but you don't really have to. Its your call. You could do both and wait another day and then give a general blanket answer like right now I'm concentrating on getting my self healed and strong, I don't have much time to date right now. Its not a yes or no. Something like that.
Me-38 H-38 Married 18years Daughter-17 & Son-9 Discovery of EA/PA 4/23/08 Left home 5/08/08 Moved in with OW 08/01/08
The only rock I know that stays steady, the only institution I know that works is the family. -- Lee Iacocca
ok, I just tried to do some damage control with H.
Sent an e-mail saying that I know my emotions get the best of me sometimes but it is my Italian roots. It was good to talk to you and catch up. You know that I will do everything I can to get your relationship started again with Colleen. She needs her Dad. then the 180 bomb.... (T2L you encourage me with this stuff!@) I am glad you did not stay here any longer. I did not want to be responsible if I threw you on the desk and jumped you. You still look good to me.... ;-) are you laughing?
H I am sure will be shocked, and if he tells the OW even in a negative sense eg. that I never wanted to sleep with him when i was in the M. it still has him thinking. And of course OW will get mad because I am coming on to her man! win-win situation.
Me 53 H 50 D16, D29 M 22 years bomb 7/08 INH - alien pod replaces H 8/08 - OW (direct report), I work there also bomb II - H moves 10/1 expose ow 10/22 D to be final 9-09
{{{{{{HOPE}}}}}}} It will be ok!! Remember, back sliding happens. Its a matter of standing back up, dusting yourself off, and moving forward again. Your thoughts were right. It appears he is holding off until after the holidays to "talk". Just get yourself mentally prepared for it and do what you feel is right. Delay it as much as possible. That's what I have done and look it what happened. If my H can't afford to legally serve me the petition will be dismissed and he will have to start all over again. Granted that if this does happen and it looks like reconciliation is not possible then I will file and be done but it will be my choice and not his.
Me35/H35 D16/SS14 M-1yr/known H 18yrs 1st Bomb: 4/26 OW35 2nd Bomb: 8/17 OW21 Moved out 8/21/08 H filed D on 9/9/08
God determines who walks into your life...it's up to you to decide who you let walk away, who you let stay, and who you refuse to let go.
My friend said to say this..."why don't you ask OW if it really matters who your wife is sleeping with?"
The evil part of me wants to send that so bad@!#@!!@#
I also thought about your reply T2L and thought about saying...."right now i am living my life and doing what makes me happy. this is what is most important to me."
Me35/H35 D16/SS14 M-1yr/known H 18yrs 1st Bomb: 4/26 OW35 2nd Bomb: 8/17 OW21 Moved out 8/21/08 H filed D on 9/9/08
God determines who walks into your life...it's up to you to decide who you let walk away, who you let stay, and who you refuse to let go.
we should all be therapists since we all come together to think things out! I can't tell you all the times this board saved me when I wanted to act out. The advice is good here because we care about each other. Let me know what you tell him. No bad or mean messages. it will put him back in the fog.
Me 53 H 50 D16, D29 M 22 years bomb 7/08 INH - alien pod replaces H 8/08 - OW (direct report), I work there also bomb II - H moves 10/1 expose ow 10/22 D to be final 9-09
Ok I'm back guys. Well Plan B has been as I expected....CRAZY.. H chewed out friend who was mediator so had to get 3 mediators who are tag teaming from the forum for this plan(SAA).
My DD17 made the mistake of telling me that dad told them to basically go pound sand too. But regardless I am still staying dark. I will fight to keep my Plan B as close to book as possible.
Emotionally my thoughts run, I don't feel excessively bad as I have been in this place before. I think the Holidays are a lovely time to have him think about what he thinks is going to make him happy.
I am trying to stay focused and busy.
Planned a rather large Christmas Party so far 35 invites! And ya know there's more than 1 person per invo. Thought that might be nice to keep myself busy.
Want to plan something for new years eve too! Marisol check ur in box.
Sorry I haven't been on as much as usual guys, the last few days have been hectic. I know H is going to buck the mediator thing but no matter I can still stay dark and send any messages I just may not get any response.
Anyways glad to see ya'll are helping and supporting each other and me too!
Muah!
Me-38 H-38 Married 18years Daughter-17 & Son-9 Discovery of EA/PA 4/23/08 Left home 5/08/08 Moved in with OW 08/01/08
The only rock I know that stays steady, the only institution I know that works is the family. -- Lee Iacocca
{{{{{T2L}}}}} glad you are checking in. Stay strong. So H is bucking the NC. That's what happens when you cake walk and get used to being treated like a king. I give you credit for planning a party. Good for you. I just booked my airline for CT for me and D15. It really was a reality check to book for 2. I am worried about after the New Year and if H asks for D. It is like a game plan for him. I need a plan for myself. I should post a stich about to delay a D or what other people have done. I know I can only think about the present but how I wish I could turn back the hands of time. take care everyone.
Me 53 H 50 D16, D29 M 22 years bomb 7/08 INH - alien pod replaces H 8/08 - OW (direct report), I work there also bomb II - H moves 10/1 expose ow 10/22 D to be final 9-09
