Hi Everyone, I guess it's time for an update,it's been a while. I've got that jittery feeling again. Sometimes I wonder why I continue to try...Warning, this is long, but I sure could use some feedback.
H left last Wed. to go on an out of state hunting trip. The weekend prior to him leaving, we had been together that Friday and Satuturday night. As a matter of fact I went out for a girl's night on that Friday. I got home about 10:00 and H called and asked me to come to the hunting camp. He said there were other wives there and he wanted me to come. Saturday night we did the same thing except this time DD17 and her friend went with us. We had a wonderful time sitting around the fire and then going riding on the ATVs. He wanted me to stay at the camp with him, but I told him that DD17 would be by herself so he came and stayed at the house with us.
That following Monday night. DD and I went to dinner and had to run some errands afterwards. While we were eating H called and chatted for a while.
Tuesday night we talked and he said he thought that we would come by his house after we ran the errands. (I didn't go because he didn't ask me to come by. I'm tring to let everything be his idea and not pursue. He came over the house and stayed a few hours to tell us bye. He was flying out Wed. morning.
Wed. night he called to let me know that he had made it there. He was very upbeat and we talked quite a while.
Thurs. night I did not hear from him. Friday night DD17 had to cheer at a state playoff game which was three hours away. We left at 3:00 in the afternoon and didn't get get home until after midnight, so I didn't talk to him that night either.
Saturday afternoon I decided to call him. We talked briefly because he was getting ready to go hunt.
Sunday afternoon I called to see if he had made it home safely. He said he had and would be over later to see us. It was probably about 3 hours later that he came over. I tried calling him once or twice because our dog (yes, this will sound redneck, but, it happened) had an oppusum pinned in the corner of the deck next to the back door. I was afraid it was going to hurt the dog. I tried to get the dog to come in house, but he wouldn't so I called H. After two times trying to get him I left a message explaining what was happening. About 20 minutes later he called and was laughing saying he was on his way. DD20 who lives with him said he had been gone for quite a while, so of course I can't help but think he went to see OW.
He stayed an hour or so and left. I haven't heard from him since Sunday night. While he was at the house Sunday night.I told him that my aunt had invited me for Thanksgiving and I thought I would go because I had not seen her in a while. I told him I knew he would want to hunt so he could eat at his mothers instead of going with us. I said you are welcome to come, but I didn't think you would probably want to. The past two years I have cooked and it has been just us and our DDs. Now, of course I'm questioning if I made the right decision about Thanksgiving.
I don't understand him. He had been pursuing me, but now it seems he may be withdrawing again. I haven't done anything different. He says he's not involved with OW anymore, but I just can't help but worry about it. I do not bring her up to him.
Sorry, for the novel. If you finish reading this, I'd appreciate feedback.
Life's challenges are not supposed to paralyze you, they're supposed to help you discover who you are. -- Bernice Johnson Reagon
I don't know your whole situation, but I will respond about this last post.
Of course you can't help but worry about the OW. You always will until you are back with your husband fully. When you are, he will reassure you and you will ask to be reassured. He will do whatever it takes to repair any damage he caused. Until then, you have to follow your plan.
Him asking you to come with the other wives is VERY promising. He didn't have to do that.
Didi, Thanks for responding. I'll give you a short summary of my sitch.
Oct. 06 H says he wants out, he's not happy, says there is no one else. I was blindsided. We had not had any problems.
Dec. 06 Find out he is having affair with his secretary.
Through the months he continues to ride the fence.
June 07 he files for D not contact until Sept. 07
July 07 OW's D final
Sept. 07 we start seeing each other again. He would say he wanted to reconcile then get wishy washy again.
June 08 he dismisses D.
OW still works for him, thus that's what makes me so uncofortable. He said he won't fire her, he's afraid of lawsuit. As you can see, very messed up situation.
H and I see each other 3-4 times a week.
Well, that wasn't too short, but it has been going on for two years!
Last edited by Yoyowife; 11/18/0809:23 PM.
Life's challenges are not supposed to paralyze you, they're supposed to help you discover who you are. -- Bernice Johnson Reagon
Everyone seems better when you don't call him and you keep your expectations low. This is the same guy afterall that was going to surprise you with a new car! How did that end up by the way?
Just keep playing calm and collected and you will be fine.
kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
Ok, thanks for the recap. I'll keep my eye on you from here on out. Sounds like you guys are headed in the right direction. You are doing 180s and have a life, right?
Don't mention the 3 hours. It only makes it worse if you say something. Worse comes to worst, she got three hours out of 2 weeks. And you had him the rest of the time. Eventually she will see what little she has. Either she will push hard and it will anger him, or she will give up and move on. Either way, you are winning. As for Thanksgiving, as I recall, last year didn't make him want to come home, so maybe something different will be alright. Who knows?
Hi Yoyo, I have not posted on your stich but I have followed it in the past. From what everything I have read you have handled yourself with dignity, style and always kept your head up. Your children have been your first priority and you should be proud of what you accomplished. Your H might have taken a backslide. It happens. But sometimes it confirms that he no longer wants the A with OW. I know some people on this board have taken a strong stand at some point and used Plan A/Plan B from Surviving an Affair by Heartley. If you are willing to wait then you are following the true DB process but if you are a point that you want H to commit to M again look at this book. It gives you a good plans to follow. Look at T2L stich. She has just finished Plan A and has gone into Plan B and hope for success. I wish you the best. We are all here for a reason. Good luck
Me 53 H 50 D16, D29 M 22 years bomb 7/08 INH - alien pod replaces H 8/08 - OW (direct report), I work there also bomb II - H moves 10/1 expose ow 10/22 D to be final 9-09
Please don't take this personally, I found it on a joke page, and I thought it had some merit. What do you think?
Men are like fine wine. They start out as grapes, and it's up to the women to stomp the crap out of them until they turn into something acceptable to have dinner with.
I wouldn't worry too much about this little backslide. You know he is better when you don't contact him......it's frustrating but it is his style. Also, he often seems to be a bit 'off' after a hunting expidition. Do you think there is one particular person with him on these trips who is against marriage?
To be honest, I think this lifestyle your H has just suits him down to the ground. Intimacy when he phones and wants it and freedom when he wants it. If it works for you both then run with it.....but don't forget what's sauce for the goose is ALSO sauce for the gander.....you use YOUR freedom and go see your aunt for Thanksgiving. Let your H see what it's like not to have you there.
The way things are constructed at the moment your H has no real responsibility towards you emotionally and no-one questions his comings and goings. This situation is so entrenched I just don't know what would make it change. Maybe he is waiting for both of your D's to be gone so h can have you to himself....or maybe he just likes it as it is and doesn't want changes. Does he EVER talk to you about the future?
Saffie me 46 H 46 M in 1986 D20,D18,S16,D13 H's A 01/05 to 07/06 H recommitted to M 07/06 renewed vows 09/06 Going from strength to strength
