Ex's life/Your life

[Scotsman]

Hi Briget,

Just a quick couple of questions : how old are your children? How do you do the co-parenting thing with no contact? Would you mind sharing how you think it has affected the children and what you can do to help in that regard?

I'm asking because I would really love to go total no contact at times but not sure how to do it with a three year old or how it would impact my daughter.

Thanks, Scotsman

[Briget]

Scotsman,

I'm 44.

My kids are 23,22,20,19,14.

Each and every one of my kids have been thru hell in their own way.my ex walked away five years ago.Without a father I have had my kids suffer thru depression,drugs,one spent a year and a half in jail.

I hate to say it but I was not enough to keep my sons out of trouble.My ex didn't do his part.I was willing to coparent.but he just plain walked away.My kids haven't seen him in almost five years.They talk to him a few times a year.

You are the first example of what a man is to your daughter.Like it or not if you want your daughter to one day marry a good man then you have to be that example.If not then the media and the men your ex brings in and out of her life will be.

I don't think you can co parent without contact.I 'm sure it's easier.But damn it when it comes to kids you don't get to take the easy way out.

I hate that we are all in this.But well we are.So we suck it up and make it work the best we can.

I don't know your sitch.But you have a three year old daughter who has a daddy.Your the only one she has.So you gotta do it.Even if you don't like her mother right now.

Had I set aside my anger before my ex moved 2000 miles away maybe he would have been a better father.Though sometimes I doubt that.

Later Friend
Briget

[KarenMarieS]

RMG
obvious but oh so correct!!

I admire those who have to work w/ the ex in the co parenting arena! My S was 17 when ex left, so it was easier, hes 23 now and of course we dont need contact, S would like it but its not really necessary and he knows I tried to have a cordial R w/ his dad, dad wouldnt play nice - and i am glad of that!

It must be hard to co parent w/ little ones. You guys are great!

[FiatLux]

Very well put, Briget. You've become the matriarch of wisdom on this thread, especially with the departure of several longtimers.

Very solid view of the need to stay in our children's lives and to keep working on cooperative parenting, for the sake of our kids.

Some of the same DB techniques, but different motivations, hey?

Stay warm!

FL

[Briget]

Aren't I a tad to young to be a matriarch? I'm only 21 you know.LOL

[No_hill_for_a_Swimmer]

OK so you just were able to buy your wine without a fake ID starting last week.

When I get carded it's to proove I get a senior citizen discount. Now the old guys can't get busted for buying you drinks.

[Briget]

They give senior discounts for wine? Wow I might just have to pony up my real age.Someday! LOL

[No_hill_for_a_Swimmer]

I found my senior discounts for Burgendy wrapped around the coal I found in my stocking last year. Somebody referred it as a silver lining.

[NNP1965]

I will be 50 next month. Gosh it hurts to even type that number! All year long my H has been hinting at a great surprise I should be looking out for. Guess I just didn't realize it was going to come in the form of a bomb

If he could stop lying to me long enough to realize that I am ready to let him go, I would find it much easier to imagine co-parenting with him after this is all said and done.

[Briget]

NNP

Well we all know that you can't control what they do.But we can handle how we react to it.Not much else we can do.There gonna do what there gonna do.

Later Friend
Briget