The kids came over tonight for their usual "Every Other Wednesday" with Dad, part of the 40% deal. I had plans on talking to OD in regards to Mom's BF that she wants them to meet. Went well, but was surprised to learn that everyone except her met him yesterday.
All seems good. I discussed your points with her Kris and she isn't sure why she doesn't want to meet him, just doesn't. I told her that it was okay and that she should deal with it however she needs to. We talked about the fact that Dad is dating but really doesn't have anyone that he cares to introduce them to. Still to this day I see myself more as a Father of four instead of a single guy, guess that is the difference.
So... Things went well with the discussion. I just wanted to make sure that she (and other kids) knew that they had a parent they could talk to about their issues and that they didn't have to worry about hurting my feelings or feeling disloyal.
New twists over the weekend... figured I would share.
Was out of town on Fri and Sat. Texted XW on Friday night because I knew my two OD's were at high school football game and I couldn't call them and talk to two youngest. Asked XW to have them call me. They did and shortly into convo with youngest daughter she simply handed the phone to my X. I knew she was upset about something pretty bad. Had X put her back on phone and I asked if they were with BF, she said yes. I told her not to worry that she could still talk to me w/o it being an issue.
On Sunday morning my middle daughter called me upset at her Mom about the whole BF deal. She had returned home from friends house the night before at 11PM and he was there. On Wednesday she was the one that had said she was good with it all, that she just wanted Mom and Dad to "be happy". I asked her what had changed and she said that Mom went from 0 to 100 mph with the whole "BF in their lives" thing. Turns out she had youngest two meet him last Tuesday at dinner after a basketball game, then he was over on Thur, Fri, and Sat nights. She said she doesn't want to see him more than she sees her Dad and that she got upset when her Mom got angry when discussing this.
On Sunday night when they came over to me I was washing dishes after dinner. My son came up to me and said he was upset about stuff and wanted to talk. We went upstairs and he told me that he was sad because of "Mommy and Daddy being divorced" and that he "didn't want another Dad". He teared up a bit when saying the latter. I talked to him for a few minutes then just had all the kids sit down with me so that we could talk. I told them that they didn't need to worry, that they only had one Dad and one Mother, and that the shock of this would wear off pretty quick. By the time we were done they were all smiling and happy.
X called me yesterday about a last minute switch she wanted, wants me to keep kids tonight. During convo she asked how kids were and I told her about our son being upset. I told her that I wish she would have given me more of a heads up instead of mentioning it in passing then diving in like she did. It just makes me bitter (once again) that I have always been the one who has had to deal with the feelings of the kids on things that she has put us all through. I guess I shouldn't be surprised, that is the way all of this has gone. She just plows straight ahead w/o regard to anyone's feelings. Oh well...
I have noticed several times that people mention DB'ers on FaceBook. Is it a group or what? I searched and couldn't find anything. Can anyone provide info?
Not sure how much advice I can offer on that one. You can't make your xw take their feelings into account...it is just beyond me that she doesn't.
I think if you just keep letting them know that you are "happy" then it will help. You may not be happy with how the situation has turned out, but in you still have things to be thankful for and they need to know that.
I really do think a lot of this is guilt on their part. If they should welcome this new guy into their lives they may feel like you will think they love you less. You have to let them know that is not the case. You can't control your xw or how she chooses to deal with things....so just keep loving those kids to pieces and listening to them when they need to talk.
As for FB...search for Kris Klm and you should find me.
Steve, You are absolutely the man! The fact that you are the rock that your kids need in times of trouble will be something that they never forget. I know it is frustrating that someone you once loved is the source of this trouble, but that is something you cannot change, so just don't focus on it.
Happy Thanksgiving, SD
Me 41 W 41 Kids: S9 S7 Married 16 years Bomb dropped 2/2/07 Still living together! current thread
It just makes me bitter (once again) that I have always been the one who has had to deal with the feelings of the kids on things that she has put us all through. I guess I shouldn't be surprised, that is the way all of this has gone. She just plows straight ahead w/o regard to anyone's feelings. Oh well...
Hope you don't mind me hijacking, but wow. This rang true!! So very true. I feel very alone in getting the kids through this. My very good friend compared it to this..the girls and I are in a storm, and I am holding the umbrella over the kids so they are protected, but I am getting soaked.
SD, to this day I remember the advice you gave me months ago...
"Just smile and waive"
As a matter of fact my boy had a talking Madagascar toy in his Happy Meal the other day that repeated that phrase! I am keeping that dude on my counter.
Hope you don't mind me hijacking, but wow. This rang true!! So very true. I feel very alone in getting the kids through this. My very good friend compared it to this..the girls and I are in a storm, and I am holding the umbrella over the kids so they are protected, but I am getting soaked.
Don't mind the hijack one bit!!!
You just keep on holding that umbrella, it is what a good and strong parent is supposed to do. Just remember you are doing the right and proper thing and at some point, they are going to look back and remember that. As for getting soaked, perhaps you could consider it a good cleansing. Once the storm subsides you are gonna be shining!
It is easy enough not to make the mistakes that upset our kids when we have someone taking the wrong path out in front. It still sucks, I know that, but at least we can come here and get some consolation. Hang in there LWB!
As a matter of fact my boy had a talking Madagascar toy in his Happy Meal the other day that repeated that phrase!
Hee!! "Just smile and wave, boys......." Yup, have the toy, and then some. Hey, log 'em onto happymeal.com. They can enter the codes on the back of the toys and they'll dance onscreen for you.
I hope I am shining soon. Thanks so much for the nice message.
Happymeal.com & onscreen dancing with the Madagascar toys?
Man I need a beer...
Anybody else on here using Facebook? I created a profile there awhile back to keep up w/ my kiddos. Since my HS reunion I've been using it to keep up with some old friends. Pretty cool really.
