Onward and Upward - Part 8!

[glamgirl]

Thanks FG. I was really suprised to tell you the truth. My h is really coming around. In the past he would say, here you go again making all the decisions on your own. You don't need me etc.

[SirPrizeMe]

GG maybe the positive reaction was due to the fact that you directly solicited his opinion. "Would that be ok?" is not the same as making plans and informing him.

I am definitely with BND - saying yes so your sister can save money, jeez that seems like the tail wagging the dog. We're talking about your marriage here. How much is that worth? if you could save your sister $400 on airfare every Christmas for the next 20, but tick off your husband in the process, would it be worth it?

Yes, $400 is $400, (or whatever the number was) but it's the principle of the thing. Domestic tranquility trumps any savings on an airfare.

I'm glad it worked out the way it did. But... there was a better way to think about it, seems like. a better way to approach it even from the beginning.

[glamgirl]

I totally agree that I didn't approach it well from the beginning, but my sis has come every year and it would have been odd if I had left her out this year.

I hear what you are saying, but felt like I was caught in the middle. Prior to this crisis my h welcomed my sis with open arms.

What I should have done was asked him when he called early am today. I was half asleep and didn't think of it or maybe I subconsciously tucked it away not wanting to ask. I don't know!

[Upside]

It would be great to plan a get away sometime early next year...I know I should have the time. And it sound like you really need to make the time.

I tried to look you up by your name of FB but still couldn't find you...maybe I don't have your last name right. I don't think I have your email address anymore so I can't look you up that way. I deleted one of my email addresses so I'm not sure if which one you have.

I think it will be a big positive step for your H to spend Christmas with your sister. Just go with it and have no expectations. You should all have so much fun with your kids...they are at such a great age.

I am nervous about my H showing for Thanksgiving. We have had some setbacks this week and I'm not sure how long it will take to recover. I posted the story on my thread.

[MidwesternGirl]

GG:

You allowed your h to be able to have a say in your sister's visit. The way in which you asked showed him that his opinion mattered to you.

[glamgirl]

Thanks Upside. I will check your thread. MWG thanks. How are you doing? I would be so nervous about the possibility of h moving home. I will be praying for you.

[MidwesternGirl]

GG:

I am okay.

I straightened up the closet today and have it very neat and just the way it was when h left. I know he saw it today because he used the bathroom in our room.

I told him how productive I had been today and I always refer to the bedroom as "our bedroom" "our closet...."

It is going to be very hard if/when he comes home because every little noise bugs him. If the dogs want to be petted, he does not always want that and he gets agitated if they bark.

It would be somewhat tense around here and he is going to have to take it if the kids get upset with him because he did leave all of us, not just me.

[kelaaron]

Glamgirl,

I have read a little of you sitch but not too much. You posted something to Dawn about starting small, Goodmorning, etc...
I will go back and read tomorrow or Tuesday, but I was wondering if you could elabortate more here. I know in the end that if anything is going to change, I will be the one who chooses it. I know I want H and M but I am still working out a few other things in my mind right now which is part of why I think I still feel like we are just going in a big circle right now.

[brandnewday]

Good morning GG,

I just wanted to say something concerning my posts to you yesterday. I really don't want to come across as a know it all or that I am telling you what to do.

I have already made every single DB mistake, and if I am able to help someone else get though this difficult transition, then I know it was worth it.

Piecing is hard.

It is about doing 180's every single day and not reverting back to the "old" you.

The changes have to be real.

Asking for his opinion.

Making him feel as though this is his home and he has a say in what goes on.

Allowing him to make decisons regarding the children, and supporting him.

Letting him make choices and agreeing to them.

I know you know this, BUT sometimes we allow our pride in the way of things and we have to change this mode of thinking.

When push comes to shove, your Marriage has to be the priority relationship. This is the Man you have been fighting for and this is why you are here posting.

The next time you are faced with a decision, let the person know that you will get back to them after you have discussed it with your Husband.

Again, the changes have to be real...

I have seen people here who say they have changed and as soon as they are faced with something, they quickly revert back to how they really are. Then they post, wondering why their Spouse wants nothing to do with them. This is exactly why their Spouse stays away, they know they truth. The changes were never real, and the surface changes were merely another form of manipulation.

It has to be a conscious choice to not do more of the same.

MLC'ers will constantly test the LBS, and this is your chance to shine brightly as the new improved GG.....And I know you can really do this.


(((hugs)))

[Upside]

That is wonderful advice bnd.