Thanks Ian and Aud! Yes I did eventually find them and don't want to vaporize here before I relate how much I really appreciate all your advice and thoughts from both of you through these murky times. I will be peering in from time to time to keep in the "universal loop"...peace
Quick update, I went to my lawyers yesterday and signed the MDA so all that is required now is a court date to go before the judge and it will be official.
Carrie still hasn't spoken with Tawny at all. She dropped off Ross last night after her visitation. After she left Tawny came downstairs and asked me if her mom even asked about her when I talked to her. She didn't..... What the hell do you say to your child when their mom is just a worthless excuse for a parent?
Tawny is missing that female in her life. She told me that she misses the old Carrie. That she remembers when she would be upset and her and her mom would go get ice cream and watch movies when she was down. She said she misses that mom and is sad that she will never have that with Carrie again.
I simply told her that I hoped that one day her mom will come to her senses and Tawny will have that again in her life.
I truly believe that every day of no contact causes more and more damage that will have to be overcome at some point. As time goes by it will get harder and harder for Carrie to ever reach her if she does want to.
Everything else is going well, I am at the final stages of my cold. At least I seem to remember nurse Lissie telling me the brown flem was a sign that it is almost over.
Anyway, 15 more days to the big 4-0....blech, I am not handling this one very well. Thank god for Just for Men......
Quick update, I went to my lawyers yesterday and signed the MDA so all that is required now is a court date to go before the judge and it will be official.
Carrie still hasn't spoken with Tawny at all. She dropped off Ross last night after her visitation. After she left Tawny came downstairs and asked me if her mom even asked about her when I talked to her. She didn't..... What the hell do you say to your child when their mom is just a worthless excuse for a parent?
Tawny is missing that female in her life. She told me that she misses the old Carrie. That she remembers when she would be upset and her and her mom would go get ice cream and watch movies when she was down. She said she misses that mom and is sad that she will never have that with Carrie again.
I simply told her that I hoped that one day her mom will come to her senses and Tawny will have that again in her life.
I truly believe that every day of no contact causes more and more damage that will have to be overcome at some point. As time goes by it will get harder and harder for Carrie to ever reach her if she does want to.
Everything else is going well, I am at the final stages of my cold. At least I seem to remember nurse Lissie telling me the brown flem was a sign that it is almost over.
Anyway, 15 more days to the big 4-0....blech, I am not handling this one very well. Thank god for Just for Men......
Ian
lord..Ian I'm so sorry for Tawny..Carrie is such an idiot..you would think as an adult she could put those bad feelings aside for her child..god it makes me sick..
I hope your cold runs it's course soon..
The big 40...it's true what they say by the way..as soon as I hit 40..I gained weight..my blood pressure went up and cholesterol numbers when up..exercise and diet got me back on track..
I am right behind you on the 4-0. I hit it in March. I got a wonderful compliment at church last night, though. An older gentleman asked me if all my kids were mine (I had the littles and D9)I laughed and said yes, and was missing one, D17. He looked at me and said, "YOU have a 17 y/o?" I said yes, since I was 22. He said,"But that would make you almost 40." I said yes, I would be, come spring. He told me I was a blessed woman, as I did not look like the mother of four, much less one that would shortly be 40, as well. Put a nice little spring to my step as I left church last night!
Now, you need to get over to Mike's thread to defend yourself.
SMW
M40/H36 T16/M14 4K B2/08 S4/08 current
Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. I Corinthians 13:7
Happy Birthday to you!! Happy Birthday to you!! Hope you had some fun today. The big 40 is nothing! I,m approaching 2 decades ahead and still feel 25 most days. Well after 10 in the morning anyway!
So we are now going on 4 months since Tawny bear and her mom have seen each other. They hadn't spoken in 4 months until last night. I will back it up here a bit and give some other background.
On Thanksgiving morning I called Ross to wish him a great day as he was with Carrie this year. My first holiday without my son. I can tell you that it hurt, it hurt deeply and I have a lot of resentment towards Carrie for doing this and putting me in the position to not be with one of my kids for a holiday.
Anyway, she didnt ask to talk to Tawny, didn't even ask how she was, normal actually. At 9:30 that night she sent Tawny a text telling her she hoped she had a good Thanksgiving and that she missed her. Tawny's response was why the hell did she wait until 9:30 at night. She felt like she was an after thought for her mom. I told her not to over react and that who knows why it was so late, but at least she heard from Carrie. I used Swashy as my back drop for that and told her that he and I had talked about it and he brought up these points. Tawny did not buy it, she still feels as though her mom should have called her or texted her earlier.
One week ago Tawny found out that Carrie is taking OM home for Christmas with her family. Of course Tawny is not happy about this and is pissed at her once again. She feels as though Carrie has chosen him over her. In many ways she has, fricken pathetic. As a side note, Carrie's family hasn't spoken with Tawny either. They have apparently taken the stance that Tawny is to blame for her and Carrie's relationship. I know that this is because of how Carrie paints the picture for them. More selfish highs school like behavior from her.
Tawny had another appointment with her therapist last week and spoke to her about all of it. The therapist does not want to bring Carrie in yet until she works with Tawny some more. The therapist also told me that Carrie's behavior may go on for a while. That it is obvious that Carrie is in a very selfish stage and that at this time she feels that Tawny is better off not being around her. She thinks that for the time being Tawny is better off right where she is now. I agree.....
So fast forward to last night, Carrie out of the blue calls Tawny while she is at a friends house for dinner. This was at around 6:30 or so. I am at my moms visiting with her and my phone rings. It is Tawny, she is crying and begging me to call her mom and tell her to leave Tawny alone and not call her anymore. I rushed home to talk with Tawny and try and calm her down.
The jist of the convo between Tawny and her mom. Tawny asked her mom why she was acting as if everything was hunky dorey and asked Carrie if she was ready to talk about things and if Carrie was ready to apologize to her. Carrie proceeded to tell Tawny that she broke her heart, that it was all Tawny's fault the way her and her mom are right now. That this was tawny's choice that she made. Tawny hung up on her after telling her she was full of it.
By the time I got home, Tawny had called her mom back. I guess she laid into Carrie pretty hard about everything. Carrie denied telling Tawny she had to accept OM, basically denied ever having said that which is garbage. She told Tawny that who she dates is not any of her business and to stay out of it. She at one point told Tawny that she broke her heart and Tawny responded with "well why don't you have your boyfriend fix it for you" the kid doesn't hold back at all.
I spent an hour or so talking with Tawny and in the end she basically said she doesn't want to talk to her mom again until her mom is ready to accept the responsibility for her actions. She sees the therapist again on the 29th and will talk with her about all that has transpired.
So me, I am doing very well right now. Overall I am very happy. I am in a wonderful relationship with the same young lady as before. I enjoy my time with her and she is very caring. She makes me feel good and alive. Work is going well, my family is healthy, and I am recovering slowly from the financial mess that came from all of this.
As far as Carrie is concerned, I am furious. Not for me, yes, it hurts a bit that she is with this OM, but that is not what has me furious. I am furious that she is so fuckinn selfish. I am furious that she is hurting our little girl. I am furious that she is such a child that she won't even own her actions with our daughter. There is nothing else she can do to hurt me, I am beyond all of that at this point. The fact that she continues to hurt Tawny is killing me.
I am not sure what if anything I can do other than to simply continue to be here for Tawny. I just watch and wait for the next moment of insanity. I do not have any contact with Carrie right now so I am safe from going off on her for the time being. I am going to sit down with the family therapist and see what she recommends at this point.
Anyway, sorry for such a long read. I just needed to vent, it has been eating at me the whole day......
First off Ian..let me apologize..I just found this or I would have responded sooner.
it's too bad Carrie is so selfish and does not seem to realize the damage she is causing her daughter. A daughter needs her mother and it appears that Carrie can't fill that role for her. I do hope that the lady you are seeing and Tawny have good interactions and have become friends to an extent. As you are well aware Tawny needs good female role models around her and hopefully this young lady can help in that regard.
I'm sorry that you were not with Ross on Thanksgiving. I hope you did get a little time with him at some point.
Your a good dad Ian..and a great source of sound advice here..I for one appreciate you so much.
