I don't recognize her anymore

[faithisbelieving]

And that is what divorce does.....

Who is this woman?

My W seems to have moved on quite well without me. Megamom....going to school....overheard her saying she is going to the gym (how did she pay for it?)....new clothes showing up...Crest Whitestrips....etc.

I hope that she is truly happy. This is what she wants.

Me...personally...I would be better if the finances were better. It's been a struggle for me over the last 2 weeks.....inner backsliding. Trying to rebuild and avoid:

AV8R

AV8R

Although..this appears to be my future.

FIB

[frank_D]

AV8R was a bit extreme I think.

My friend here found out his dad is really sick. His W has custody/bend over court date scheduled for monday.

He's stressing about his dad and wanted her to postpone it so he could go visit him and they could resolve this in 2 weeks.

She just got $100,000 from the sale of their house. He got $5,000

Her answer: No I'm not going to reschedule it's not my problem.

Also, his S13 wants these 'wings' for his costume. They cost $60. She asks him to pay for them because she can't.

[Bworl]

...Crest Whitestrips....etc.

Jeez FIB, it's just weird how so many similar things happen between different situations.

I read your post and saw "crest whitestrips" and remembered how I laughed inside one of the first times I was in my ex's apartment and saw a box of these on the table.

There's just a touch of irony in this superficial product, wouldn't you say?

Do what you can to continue keeping things together. Life is about to get drastically different for both of you before too long.

It would be interesting to see if your wife continues to be Megamom and Miss Happy after the divorce.


Blessings,

Bill

[faithisbelieving]

Thanks Bill. One of my friends here posted to me elsewhere something that repeats what Jeff223 once discussed with me almost 2 years ago in a phone conversation. That once they make this decision, they cannot turn back. If your W is type A or controlling or could never be wrong, they lose face to finally say "I was wrong and I want to work this out."

Too much analysis, still, on my part.

One of the things I have noted here...on this board..including myself..is the need to evaluate and analyze everything our S's do. We look, watch, think, scratch our heads, etc. It's probably a waste of time in the long run. Eg, as many know, my W converted for me, then, decided to switch back:

• puts on a pave cross I bought her Dec. 06 to show her that I celebrate what she desires in her heart
• puts a large star of David on in April for Passover for one week
• removes it and puts her cross back on
• gets pissed off at me after my honesty with the Law Guardian, removes the white gold pave cross I bought her and puts on a HUGE blue turquoise cross
• this week, the cross I bought her is now back on and she seems nicer to me this week

The first person who says babysteps gets a 2 X 4.

It doesn't make any sense to me but then again....has any of this? Once I stop trying to still figure things out, I know I'll be back on track.

Thanks Bill. Yeah..the Crest Whitestrips.

It amazes me how the WAS, frequently, can latch back onto another person so quickly. Many people are trying to set me up with people. I know I can't..it takes me away from my kids. It takes a special energy that I don't have right now.

My last two weeks were rough:
-FIL placed a levy on my bank account causing the mortgage payment to bounce, affecting my credit (but I think I got the bank to reverse it since I haven't missed a payment in 10 years)
-W photographed me crashed out on the couch with the kids and my nephew across the street after a long day of dancing and partying at a family affair (trust me..it was a sleep over..on the couch..PJ's and all)...and called me a hypocrite in front of the kids (my atty complained that they sleep with her every night and have no routine)
-stole my media card out of my camera..nothing on it but family pix

Everyday, I look at my home. I think of all the trees I planted: the two paw paw trees that are now flowering after 8 years...my rare Ben Franklin tree....the Yellow buttons and magnolia I planted for her. My sister lives across the street and my other sister two blocks away, yet, in all likelihood, I will have to leave at some point and deed it to her.

Men, in the state of NY...are the bad guys. Hey Jeff...I can empathize now with you re: the Great State of Alabamee.

AV8R

My house has a history. Yes...I know it is just a house. It still amazes me at how these people can change so much...enough to cause so much destruction..so much hurt and so much pain..to EVERYONE.

Yes..25..it sounds like a lot of 'negative' typing of late. I think it's just my time to 'cycle'. Except for finances, I am OK.

Thanks for all your support.
FIB

[faithisbelieving]

There is not much to post anymore. There is nothing left but ashes. My STBXW is the one now to initiate 'instability'. I try to keep to myself and interact as little as possible. I try to maintain my boundaries. It is difficult. My W corrals the kids still, at times, and now throws her weight around as the MegaMom. When she is megaparenting, I will not try and force my way in. I will read a book or turn on the news. I let the kids come to me when they want me when she is in this mode.

After having the kids for the day and returning home at 830P on Sunday:

W: C'mon kids, time to go to bed.
Me: XXX...they just got in...they can spend a few minutes with me.
W: It's late and it's bedtime. C'mon kids..let's go.

(D5 starts to cry and cling to me)

Me: XXX...they can stay down here for a few minutes. If they fall asleep, I will carry them upstairs
W: You let S8 sleep down here the other night.
Me: He came down.
W: I checked 3 times in the middle of the night

(this is my W now trying to turn things back onto me as she has slept with both kids NIGHTLY)

Me: Sorry XXX but I pulled my back the other night and I couldn't carry him up. He was tucked in, blanketed and comfortable.

W: You're undermining me as a parent (said in front of the kids)
Me: (to the kids)...it's OK to stay with daddy for a few minutes. We always try and treat people with respect.

(W storms upstairs)

My boundary: the kids wanted to see me after a long drive home. She can't take that away from me.

FIB

[bookpusher]

Hi FIB,
no 2x4 here. We are in hard positions...danged if we do and danged if we don't. It sounds like you are doing the best you can. (((((FIB)))))

[faithisbelieving]

Thank you bookpusher. I try so hard to continue to DB yet not get run over. There is nothing left but anger towards me. Yes...I try to keep a calendar..it gets shmeared...I am keeping things from her. I leave her alone on her days with the kids. On my days, she batters me with phone calls and texts to speak with the kids. I never hold back the phone from them if they ask to speak with their mom.

Divorce sucks, no?

FIB

[hoosiermama]

It is a fine line, isn't it? It's very confusing, trying to deal sanely and logically with madness.

Mais oui, it sucks bigtime.

[frank_D]

Seriously, can you get a babysitter cam or wireless mike and put in in this room connected to a hidden recorder?

Have your sister / brother / friend over during these times to witness her behavior?

[ford]

FrankD, no kidding, this is horseshit.

gotta be something to do