I love this time of year too. Not hot and not cold. I'm at mom's now sneaking on her computer while she's in WI. lol Me, D, sis and niece are going to another halloween party in about 30 min. If I can bite my tongue with sis and her attititude, then we'll be fine. lol
Well you mentioned that OW was a big part of the issues over the past 2 years...not really...it was H's behavior and she just happened to be part of it.. Next...I would say that as long as he reacts to OW actions (i.e. breaking up with him, dating other men, becoming engaged, being jealous of you) then it would be too soon for him to come home...and be in a good position to stay...
I know my H came home too soon because his thinking was still in "crisis mode"...he didn't think and reason like the "normal" H I remembered...this made it difficult for me to deal with, to keep my mouth shut, and to be sure that he wasn't going to leave us again...it was not a good time for me or the kids...
If I had it to do over again...I would have still been there when he hit bottom but I would not have brought him home...I would have waited until he got the help he needed and it was working...
It was very very risky what I did...but then you know that because your H has come home, only to leave again...so you know what his actions are like...just because he feels bad...is sorry...is "over OW"...you know that is not what will keep him home IF he returns again...
NOW...my H reason's things in a rational way...a way that makes sense to all of us...I can talk to him, confide in him, and not fear that what I say will make him run for the door...and really that was at least a year after he came home...he should have been on his own...maybe he would have cleared up faster...maybe longer...but it would have saved me and the kids a lot of anxiety that we didn't need...
You know your H, Kissak...you know what YOU deserve...don't settle for anything less and you should be okay!
Thank You! I know my H isnt ready. But I do think he is slowly waking up a little. It will still be along while.
Kissak
"What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee." Psalms 56:3 M-37 H-37 S-10, D-15 M- 1993 First bomb- 12/23/06 Came and went too MANY times! Gone again 10-25-10
H texted me this morning that he had been told by the ex OW that she was getting married. That he was the last to know and she was worried what he would think. He told her it didnt matter, but she was stupid and then he wished her well..
I didnt tell him I already knew.
Anyway....Having a good day.
Kissak
"What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee." Psalms 56:3 M-37 H-37 S-10, D-15 M- 1993 First bomb- 12/23/06 Came and went too MANY times! Gone again 10-25-10
I cannot believe your H's ex ow is getting married so soon after she and your H broke up...what is this world coming to? I find it shocking to see how these people just waltz over everbody !
Love Cinders xxx
"In the depths of my winter, I realized there is within me an invincible summer" Albert Camus
I dont get it either Cinders...I dont understand how people can love someone sooo much, to just dump them and move on to the next. Its been almost 2 years for me now and I felt bad for just going on a date with a guy last weekend.
I think this has bothered my H today. I knew it would. Im glad she told him though. He is a little annoyed that he was the last to find out about it. SO, I guess this will set him back a bit, but atleast he has therapy today. He can at least talk through it with the therapist instead of me.
Kissak
"What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee." Psalms 56:3 M-37 H-37 S-10, D-15 M- 1993 First bomb- 12/23/06 Came and went too MANY times! Gone again 10-25-10
ok, just when I think things are going good, my H starts with his stuff again.
I thought things were ok with me and him. There was no expectations, nothing. We just talk like friends, we are kind to one another. He even called me last night to talk about some things that were bothering him. That led off to a conversation about the OW and she was treating him like crap. (Like I care)and how all those he thought were his friends, havent been there for him. I was really just being a good listener. I know my H is the kind of person who has to talk things through to understand them....So I let him talk. Oh, he is now where near ready for anything....he is definitely in that crisis mode. Anyway, he calls me this morning to talk briefly. Then the texts start....he wants to know "what are we". I know that means, he wants to know what is our relationship. I told him, we are married but separated. Anyway the whole day was about how he wants to be ready to come home for the right reasons and that he is afraid and scared and doesnt want to hurt my feelings, he said that he hasnt done anything to try to get me to consider him coming back yet. He said he knows I will be upset if he goes out with someone else, he is only looking for friends.
Anyway, long story short....He is acting as if I have asked something of him...I havent done anything. I have been acting like nothing has really changed. We are separated and I am doing what I want and he is doing what he wants. But he is acting like i Have asked him to come home or to be a hermit crab until his feelings come back.
HE is just confusing me today. Trying not to think to much about it. I do know that he doesnt want me to go back out with that guy. But he says he cant stop me and does want me to go out and have a good time.
He is so confusing....I know I sound like this is bothering me, but i am really fine. Just reporting his actions today. Not even going to try and figure them out. Doesnt matter. I know I dont need to worry about his confusion. But I hate not to be a friend and listen to him.
My H is just weird. I dont think people truly understand him. Sometimes I dont and I know he doesnt!!!
Anyway, off to have a quiet evening alone~~
Kissak
"What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee." Psalms 56:3 M-37 H-37 S-10, D-15 M- 1993 First bomb- 12/23/06 Came and went too MANY times! Gone again 10-25-10
No recognition/admission he's treated you like crap?! He's not difficult to understand-- everything is still all about him. Typical nacissistic behavior.
Please be careful. Don't let him suck you back in.
Hello everyone...not much to report on lately. Been busy though.
Halloween was fun. My daughter dressed up as an old woman. Funniest thing I ever saw! She had the worse mask for it. Funny. She even had the stockings hanging around her ankles! She won the funniest costume at a party! My son however, didnt get to go. He got in trouble on 3 different occasions that day and I had to take that away from him. Im hoping it will teach him a lesson. He went and stayed at the camper with his dad, while his sister went out and had fun. I think it hurt me more though.
Saturday we spent the whole day at tkd testing! My son did great! He is now a purple belt!! He should get it tonight!
Yesterday, I took my kids back to their dads after church and he invited me to stay for lunch and I did. It was nice. My son said something that bothered us though. He said "are we a family again?" I told him that we never stopped being a family.
Had a nice weekend though. Hope you all did as well.
Kissak
"What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee." Psalms 56:3 M-37 H-37 S-10, D-15 M- 1993 First bomb- 12/23/06 Came and went too MANY times! Gone again 10-25-10
Too bad about your son but he learned his lesson, I am sure. And he has a purple belt now!!!
Glad your h invited you to stay for lunch.
The Bomb: 08/05 H moves out: 06/2006 H moves back: 01/07 & Out again: 01/07 H moves back: 03/08 & Out again: 04/08 H moves back: 05/09 & Out again: 07/09 Divorced 08-12 Kids: 22, 20, 19
