The Bomb: 08/05 H moves out: 06/2006 H moves back: 01/07 & Out again: 01/07 H moves back: 03/08 & Out again: 04/08 H moves back: 05/09 & Out again: 07/09 Divorced 08-12 Kids: 22, 20, 19
I went the course of having a "friend"...it is wayyyyy to easy for things (your heart) to get carried away...I thought I was done...was not far from the final divorce...H wasn't giving me the time of day...but the bottom line was that I was still married...I was not truly over my husband...and I had a lot of healing to do!
In the end I ended up hurting a very good friend, someone who was there for me...someone who understood (I thought because we had talked about it...false hope is an evil thing) that I still had feelings for H...that maybe someday...maybe seemed to get farther a way...I started having feelings for this man...we even spent a truly platonic weekend together (separate rooms even)...it was hard to face the fact that as much as I wanted to move on...to feel loved...to feel attraction to and by someone...I was not ready...I was married...and it wasn't the right thing to do... I am very glad I put the brakes on...eventually my H did come home (too soon)...eventually we did work things out (a lot of hard work)...would I have been just as happy now if I had gone the other route???...I can honestly say I don't think so...like you I have a son...and he is thrilled to have his dad back...it was a risk...he might have never returned...but if the divorce had become final...and I had established my own happiness and self...then I truly believe that my son would have been okay with my "new" life...but it wouldn't have been his dad...think he is happier that he has his father back and that the family is complete once more...
It is better to let the fire totally burn out...to know you are truly free...truly single...and truly available...to have a friend and if it grows into more...then it is OK!
I have to say that I went on this date. I do have to say Im not ready to do it again. It was odd, weird and awkard. Although this guy wants to go out again, Im going to tell him Im not ready. I just didnt feel it. I didnt feel it was right or anything. We did have a nice time though. He just took me to dinner and we talked alot. It was all just not right. He even kissed me good night and after that all I wanted to do was come in my house and cry. I didnt cry, but that was the feeling I had. I dont know why I felt that way, but I did. Anyway, it was like kissing my brother. lol.
Surprise to me, My H came to church with us this morning.
He asked did it bother me that he came and i told him no, I was glad he came. He hasnt bothered me much yesterday or today. He is very down and out. Maybe church was the best place for him today. I dont know, but Im thankful for the baby steps.
And Lin...I know Im not done yet. THere are still lots of feelings for my H. I think I need to go back and say, I wont be done and ready for anything until I know its over 100% and I still cant say that. I cant say I would never consider it. But he will not waltz back into my life.
But I will say how flattered I am that there are some guys who would love to take me out! Now my H knows this, and that he could lose alot! Not that going out with this guy was to get a reaction out of my H...but I did tell this guy I wasnt ready for anything serious, he knew this, but I believe he is looking for way more that I am willing to give. So, how do I bow out gracefully??
Kissak
"What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee." Psalms 56:3 M-37 H-37 S-10, D-15 M- 1993 First bomb- 12/23/06 Came and went too MANY times! Gone again 10-25-10
You bow out honestly...you just tell him that while you had a nice time and enjoyed his company that it didn't feel right to you and it made you realize that continuing would only lead to someone possibly getting hurt and you don't want that burden.
You see the wonderful weekend I spent with my "friend" after he flew clear across the continent to see me was very similar. As much as I wanted to believe things were over it was painfully obvious they weren't when he tried to kiss me good bye at the airport...I couldn't do it...hug him yes, kiss him no!
He went home and I didn't hear from him for a while...when I did he wasn't happy with me...said he could tell I wasn't over my H...but worse he didn't feel like I was really attracted to him either...so it ended up hurting his feelings...we remained in contact for a while...as just friends...but now I don't hear from him anymore...it makes me sad because he really was a nice man...a good friend...and he was there when I really needed him...he even flew at his expense to spend time with me!
But it was wrong...I was married (divorce wasn't final, just filed)...even though H could have cared less about it all (he knew)...I still wasn't over H...and as things turned out...we were not DONE...
So my motto became "Until one of us remarries...it isn't over"
"What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee." Psalms 56:3 M-37 H-37 S-10, D-15 M- 1993 First bomb- 12/23/06 Came and went too MANY times! Gone again 10-25-10
Just to add...I think when any of "us" here get near that 2 year mark we start really thinking WE need to be over IT...there is no time line for that...but I see many "test the waters" at about this mark in the separation...
I am glad you didn't feel good about it...your conscience is speaking to you and you need to listen to it...your moral compass is in good shape and for your sake that the sake of your children you really need to keep it that way...
There is no doubt that you are an attractive woman...one can see that in your writing here...beauty is seen from the inner person...if you H never returns and moves on...the day may come for you to move on as well...and I am sure no matter what course you take you will find happiness...probably sooner then later!
Thank you Lin. I just dont get how some people can move on so quickly after something like this. Boggles my mind.
Im having a good morning so far. H has asked me about my personal profiles I have on a couple of websites. I put them there when he first left and have only used them to make friends with people. I actually dont go on them and have thought about just deleting them. But They definitely make my H wonder. He asked me several times this weekend about them. I dont know whats going through his mind anymore.
Kissak
"What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee." Psalms 56:3 M-37 H-37 S-10, D-15 M- 1993 First bomb- 12/23/06 Came and went too MANY times! Gone again 10-25-10
My question is why is he looking at the sites and specifically searching for you? He moved on but still keeps holding on to you through other means and playing mind games with you. That stinks!
You are so strong kissak. I'm totally impressed by you.
Keep up the good work.
How goes it with the mice?
T19 M15 S19 XH47 M43 bomb12/4/07 PA5/07 S12/26/07 D final 11/17/08 Back together with no defined R 05/2010 confused....to say the least!!!
HEy Thanks Mishka....The Mice problem is better now. My Landlord had the guy that is working on the building put out some poison for them that doesnt make them smell when they die. So, I havent seen anymore today.
Kissak
"What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee." Psalms 56:3 M-37 H-37 S-10, D-15 M- 1993 First bomb- 12/23/06 Came and went too MANY times! Gone again 10-25-10
