Tom, I've passed a few bars down in SC myself, Lovely country especially around Greer and Spartansburg, and Columbia isn't so bad either. But then I decided to stick with the bars that were close to the hotel so I didn't have to drive! U know there are not a lot of people around the country and our neighbors across Erie that understand we had a Cat #1 hurricane rip through here? My sympathy to you being a hotel dweller for a few days or weeks (20% of my life is in hotels). Oh, got to go, the mini bar is calling. Let's see, cut the tape with the razor, replace the white wine bottle contents with water, don't drink the red stuff ... erm...way to complicated...oh , wait, convenient store across the street with much cheaper stuff .... must take a walk. Bye. Hope U get back in the house soon/
Tom, I'm so sorry about your house but thankful that you are safe. Rest assured, no matter what, you will always have a place in my new Kingdom! Well, I met with my Pastor yesterday and we had a really good talk. Aside from talking about my personal marital situation we talked about my R with God. I told him that I had no problems checking in with God but if he (God) thinks I'm ready to hand it all to him and trust implicitly, well, it ain't happening! Not yet, anyway. Pastor said that Jesus always went to where people were at, he didn't force himself on anyone. He told me that God is with me no matter where I am in this process and will be with me when I take that next step too.He understood completely why I would have a huge difficulty in trusting God right now, "When the person you've trusted and loved for 17 years betrays you and rips your heart out, it's hard to put trust in anyone or anything again for a long time" When we talked about my separation he said that he thought that divorce was more devastating than the death of a spouse and outlined why. I agreed totally, imagine that! We also talked about my misadventures with women since my separation. I said jokingly "Christian women have not been kind to me". I told him about the Coffee Buddy fiasco and his response was "that must have ripped your heart out all over again" It was so nice to hear him empathize with how devastating that was at the time. He also understood about the Plant Lady sitch. He said "what a kick in the gut, here you are after 17 years just trying to figure out this whole dating thing again and you get this kind of response from someone, that must have hurt". Again, nice to feel understood. We also talked about my experience at my last church versus the one I am having at his church. My former church was a much more expressive environment, lots of amen's, hallelujah's, praise the Lord's, and well, you get the picture. I was raised in a very different type of church which was a tad more restrained in their worship style. Heck, we didn't even pray out loud cuz that was the Pastor's job! Pastor laughed very hard when I said that I'd noticed last Sunday when he was up on the stage he had said loudly "amen" and that nobody had responded. I told him my first thought was "Wow, a crowd of tight-assed white people, I think I could fit in here" Anyway, Pastor and I have agreed to meet again and toss around some of these theological questions and doubts I have. Reaching out like this, even in a small way, will help me heal. Btw, I went to my parents last night to watch the English debate between our would be Prime Ministers and while there we got a phone call telling us that another close family friend had just passed away. Before I left I told them "I'm not coming to see you two anymore, every time I'm here somebody else dies!" Even in sad times my family and I can still laugh together, it's in our blood I guess! Later Dbers.
Sorry to hear of the loss of your friend. Your family sounds great! And you're right - it's wonderful when your family can laugh together. Takes the mind off the garbage.
That's one thing I miss about my family ... laughing together, even in bad times. Especially, my younger brother. Everyone is thousands of miles away, in another country. Both my parents passed away fairly young, but I do remember my dad joking in the hospital where he died.
Anyway, I am sorry to hear of yet another friend passing on. How is your dad doing, Wii?
Awesome chat with your pastor!
Me:57 H:52 M:28 Got another lawyer last year and filed. D35,S/D twins28,D22 EA4/04 End? Who knows? "Life is like a mirror. Smile at it and it smiles back at you." — Peace Pilgrim
Hey Being Me, my Dad is doing great. He's handling his grief in a wonderful way by letting himself feel it and moving on with his life. My mom is handling the death of her friend well too, last night she was out for the evening with a couple of friends. I'm looking at how I handle my grief right now in re to my separation. I've always been so afraid of that grief, so afraid it would take over and I wouldn't be able to function. Staying strong, active and building a life seemed paramount, now is the next stage. Sure, I've had my tears, talked with my friends etc but I'm still not sure I've really faced the pain yet. "Celebrating" the first year of separation will bring up alot of stuff and already is cuz I feel very alone somehow. There is no other R on the horizon and my W of 17 years don't want me, she ain't coming back! I am adjusting to a new reality. Thanks for dropping by! Btw, I'm still pushing ahead though. Today after church I wanted to just head to the car but I forced myself to grab a coffee and hang around a bit. I took a tour of the church and was pretty taken by the youth room, it has a pool table, air hockey game, big screen TV and a bar! OK, the bar was a literature table, but still it's a bar! Actually, the church used to be an adult entertainment establishment that was born again Damn, It made me wish I was a youth again. The most fun we ever had at church was turning the sofa over in the library!
I forgot to mention last nights action! D14 was on the phone talking to her mother and they sounded as though they were in a hot dispute about something. Finally, D hung up and went to the bathroom where I could hear her crying. I knocked on the door and asked her what was wrong, she told me "mom was being difficult". Well, I've been there and done that but I decided not to get into the issue but to just hold my D in my arms, let her cry and empathize with her feeling, forget whose right and whose wrong. D said "I wish I could live with you all the time, you aren't so difficult" and all I said was "I understand". Afterwards, she kissed me on the cheek and said "thank you, Daddy" That made my night. I had fought the urge to dive into the details of the argument, side with one or the other (sadly, I probably would have sided with STBX because the dispute appeared to be money centered!) and it was ultimately the best choice I could have made. My D felt her Dad understood her and cared, what better feeling could there be for either of us!
Well, Dbers Whatis has had a really good couple of days! Go figure because lately I've been feeling both emotionally and physically like crap. Yesterday I was driving to work and feeling overwhelmed, going over all the things that are hanging over my head lately and I just felt really anxious. When I pulled into work I stayed in the car and prayed, I asked to be given guidance on how to turn this day into something special, to be able to put aside my worries and move ahead somehow. I went into work and had a wonderful day! Something changed inside and I felt like myself again. I also phoned my Yoga teacher and asked if she had a class that evening, she did and I went. I had a great time. Today I had another couple of nice events to report. I took my daughter to the dentist as both of us needed our teeth cleaned. I had the most amazing, fun time with the dental hygienist, it took us almost an hour for her to clean my teeth. We started talking and talking and talking before and after the cleaning. We talked about all sorts of things, personal and otherwise, and laughed loudly, it was more like a party than a teeth cleaning! She even made a humorous remark about my STBX, who I did not mention once. She said "your ex-spouse isn't really Chinese, you know, because she goes away on wine tasting tours instead of working weekends" (Hygienist is Chinese, so she can say that!) I laughed and said "Well, at least I don't have to pay for it anymore" When I left she walked me to the desk and we were bantering about some silly thing and she said to the receptionist "this man is my therapy, except he makes me crazier!" I said "Well, you do sound a little psychotic at the moment" she then let out this little scream and said "See what I mean, good bye!" When we left I said to D14 "I must be the only person who has fun at the Dentists" and my D said "Dad, you make everything fun, that's just who you are" Wow! What a wonderful thing to say about old Dad. My girls just blow me away sometimes! I also felt for the first time in a long while what it's like to have a beautiful woman sitting with me and wanting to talk with me, the hygienist seemed so excited to see me and really wanted to communicate together. It was so nice. I've known her for years but until I was separated we had a very normal, courteous professional relationship but when I separated I became more outgoing towards single women and she has responded in a similar outgoing fashion. I'd never ask her out, but when I left I thought "I think I could really enjoy spending time with her". It felt good to feel a connection, a little different then my usual feeling of being undesirable lately. Anyway, those are my adventures for today! Nice to have something good to report
I have a dental appt tommorrow - cleaning! Wonder if I'll have as much fun as you? Not likely. She is young and one of my former students. But as you say - you can have fun anywhere. Life is what you make it - I'm making mine great!
It is refreshing when you reach the point that you realize someone else can make you smile. Boost your ego. Show interest. Doesn't mean you'll date them - but it does the heart good.
And it was nice that your D noticed and actually said something. Teens (girls especially) can be SO moody. Had it out with mine again today. Part my fault, part hers. But we're good again.
Did you know that was post 3434 for you? I think that sounds lucky. 3 + 4 = 7 and 7 is lucky. Hmmm???
Does your wife winetaste in my neck of the woods? I live in Mafialand. Could always call in a favour if you like.
Anyway, its great to hear you smile (yes, I meant to say that). I remember when I never thought I would again.
Thanks Barb! Glad you and D made up, it's amazing how teenage girls can just turn on ya in a split second, isn't it. I just tucked mine in and I thanked her for what she said about me being "fun" today, I told her I wanted her to know how much it means to me when she says such things. She said "I said it because it's true, you are a fun person, you seem to make people happy wherever you go" Yes, a nice day
Well, if your teen daughter will say that to you then it REALLY has to be true!
Having an upbeat personality is a gift. And it is something that everyone around you enjoys.
I have some friends who for years have called me "Positive Barb". The husband lost his job today. A job he has had FOREVER (he is an investment banker). I messaged both him and his wife how sorry I was and made a few comments about thoughts for the future. Both of them messaged back calling me "Positive Barb" and told me they like some of my ideas. That made me feel good because I wondered what I could possibly say that would make a difference. I'm glad I said SOMETHING!
I guess we'll have to start calling you "Positive Whatisis".
