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A Message from Michele
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Re: What we each did wrong that hurt our marriage [Re: Chazz] #1619571
10/13/08 08:44 PM
10/13/08 08:44 PM
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RMG77739 Offline
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Originally Posted By: Chazz

Lets face it, if the marriage mentor guy we are looking at as an example is anywhere near typical of the average guy, he has been inundated with sexual messages from hollywood, entertainment, news and the internet that tell him he can and perhaps even has the right to go out and boink his workplace colleague or anyone else. Its ok because our culture is accepting of this kind of behaviour. He may very well know an example of someone else who did this very thing and that guys life seems ok now.

I can tell you this.... when divorces started happening in my peer group from church, they spread like wildfire. My XW felt justified by the one before her. A buddy of mine came to me last year and said that his W (now XW) justified her D from him because my XW left me and coached his XW through the same rationalizations. This thing has a life of its own!


Chaz,

The thing which REALLY got me was how accepting people IN THE CHURCH and her sisters were of my exW's behavior.....

Her sister said, "Affairs happen." EXCUSE ME! If I were out banging some babe from work, would HER SISTER say the same.... I think NOT! They would want be strung up by my balls!

One pastor said, "This happens alot." Hhhhhmmmmmmmmmmmmm............. If I were in that position, I would definitely be trying to get the person to see both of them were responsible for the downturn of the M. HOWEVER, I would make it VERY clear.... I would say something like.... "You, like many of us were not a perfect spouse..... But what your W did was Biblically wrong....." This is allowing God's Word to judge.....

Anyway, I am done venting...

Take Care,

RMG


"The bad things in life open your eyes to the good things you weren't paying attention to before." from "Good Will Hunting"

Re: What we each did wrong that hurt our marriage [Re: RMG77739] #1619609
10/13/08 09:31 PM
10/13/08 09:31 PM
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braveheart Offline
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People in the church are full of sh!t. Church today has nothing to do with worshiping or praising God. Its all about presentation, politics, and politically correctness. With that being said, there are INDIVIDUALS in churches who are there for the right reasons.

Re: What we each did wrong that hurt our marriage [Re: braveheart] #1619618
10/13/08 09:41 PM
10/13/08 09:41 PM
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Originally Posted By: braveheart
People in the church are full of sh!t. Church today has nothing to do with worshiping or praising God. Its all about presentation, politics, and politically correctness. With that being said, there are INDIVIDUALS in churches who are there for the right reasons.


BH,

I tend to agree with you..... Too much of the "modern culture" has permeated the church.... While, in theory, the church should be permeating the "modern culture".....

Just my two cents...

RMG


"The bad things in life open your eyes to the good things you weren't paying attention to before." from "Good Will Hunting"

Re: What we each did wrong that hurt our marriage [Re: braveheart] #1619634
10/13/08 10:08 PM
10/13/08 10:08 PM
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Quote:
Its all about presentation, politics, and politically correctness


You forgot money. It's about that too. Some really good posts here.

Re: What we each did wrong that hurt our marriage [Re: HappyToday] #1619934
10/14/08 06:22 AM
10/14/08 06:22 AM
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Chazz Offline
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Quote:
Hey, what about Sandi Patti?


Oh man.... Sandi. I was never a fan. Not my type of music. She was definitely a talent but not my flavour.

Just another case in point. Christian that packs in her marriage. I have no idea of the issues etc. Just know she and her X packed it in at some point. No doubt used as example by other Christians to pack in their marriages.

I think the point the No_Hill makes is worthy of re-mention. He distinguishes in the statistic he refers to between "Christians" versus those who "Pray together". Big difference I am sure.

My issue is not with Christians. I am in fact one. My issue is with the culture and format of my experiences with organized churches as they exist in my community. I just do not see as relevant or representative of what God as I understand him is like. I could be completely wrong. But I have to go with my deep beliefs based on what I have experienced.

If marriages are going to be saved and the trend turned around, something different appears to be needed than what churches offer.

I do not wish a divorce on anyone. It is hell. Mine still is, I just found ways to not make the hell less painful to me to the degree it used to be.

I believe one of the keys is in the original topic line for this thread. We need to honestly recognize our part in the situations our marriages ended up in. If we do not, we are not dealing with reality. we will not grow and are apt to repeat the same mistakes.

I hope to be able to teach this to my children.

Ciao.

Chaz


Me:40's / XW:30's / 3 Kids / EA with OM 1998-2001 / PA:? / S:2001 / D:2005 / XW M's OM:2006 / Chaz M's new W:2007
"Its not that I was really bad as a kid, its just that most of the pranks I played happened to be felonies".
Re: What we each did wrong that hurt our marriage [Re: braveheart] #1619936
10/14/08 06:26 AM
10/14/08 06:26 AM
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Chazz Offline
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Quote:
People in the church are full of sh!t.


Yo Brave.... hommey.... get off the fence!

Tell us what you really think! Quit holding back! ;\)


Me:40's / XW:30's / 3 Kids / EA with OM 1998-2001 / PA:? / S:2001 / D:2005 / XW M's OM:2006 / Chaz M's new W:2007
"Its not that I was really bad as a kid, its just that most of the pranks I played happened to be felonies".
Re: What we each did wrong that hurt our marriage [Re: Chazz] #1620179
10/14/08 03:30 PM
10/14/08 03:30 PM
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Originally Posted By: Chazz
Quote:
Hey, what about Sandi Patti?


Oh man.... Sandi. I was never a fan. Not my type of music. She was definitely a talent but not my flavour.

Just another case in point. Christian that packs in her marriage. I have no idea of the issues etc. Just know she and her X packed it in at some point. No doubt used as example by other Christians to pack in their marriages.


Chaz,

Sandi Patti was pretty bad. From what I read, she had two affairs with married men....

RMG


"The bad things in life open your eyes to the good things you weren't paying attention to before." from "Good Will Hunting"

Re: What we each did wrong that hurt our marriage [Re: Chazz] #1620576
10/14/08 09:41 PM
10/14/08 09:41 PM
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Originally Posted By: Chazz
Quote:
People in the church are full of sh!t.


Yo Brave.... hommey.... get off the fence!

Tell us what you really think! Quit holding back! ;\)





Chazz, I am trying to work on being more decisive in my positions! LOL I will keep working on it, will you help me? LOL

Re: What we each did wrong that hurt our marriage [Re: RMG77739] #1621960
10/16/08 06:54 AM
10/16/08 06:54 AM
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Chazz Offline
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Quote:
Sandi Patti was pretty bad. From what I read, she had two affairs with married men....


Ewwwwww! Sandi Patti boinking anyone is not the most pleasant image to envision.

But seriously... is this not a case in point. Church culture sure does not keep us any safer from infidelity and divorce. And a high profile one like this only validates the behaviour for others. I am not trying to judge. I am just trying to state as an observation.

Who would I, a cocaine addict, be to judge. I am just grateful that I could stop, recover, and make amends for the calamity I caused during my active addiction. Unfortunately, people who run off with OM or OW keep the hurt and damage going for a long time if not forever.

My thoughts.

Chaz


Me:40's / XW:30's / 3 Kids / EA with OM 1998-2001 / PA:? / S:2001 / D:2005 / XW M's OM:2006 / Chaz M's new W:2007
"Its not that I was really bad as a kid, its just that most of the pranks I played happened to be felonies".
Re: What we each did wrong that hurt our marriage [Re: braveheart] #1621963
10/16/08 06:58 AM
10/16/08 06:58 AM
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Chazz Offline
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Quote:
Chazz, I am trying to work on being more decisive in my positions! LOL I will keep working on it, will you help me? LOL


No problem brave... I find if I ever really want to make in impact in a posting, I actually type out the naughty word and let it get censored.

Lets see how long it takes.....

Yo moderator! I am going to type the word "[censored]". It is 11:56pm Pacific Time Wednesday, Oct 15. Can you please post the date and time of censoring. It is an important matter of science.

Thanks.

Chaz


Me:40's / XW:30's / 3 Kids / EA with OM 1998-2001 / PA:? / S:2001 / D:2005 / XW M's OM:2006 / Chaz M's new W:2007
"Its not that I was really bad as a kid, its just that most of the pranks I played happened to be felonies".
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