Hi FLTC. I would think a judge (and therapist) would believe your D16 should be able to pick where she wants to stay. It seems like the therapist is "taking care of" your wife instead of daughter. Very confusing!!! I would like the therapist to talk to my ex.....I could use a break, too!
If you were to DB D16 a little....has she said why she doesn't like eating around you? What little things do you think might make her more comfortable (other than getting her malnutrition & hormones taken care of lol)?
Very positive that she had a good time with you the last time though!
Michelle - Proud DR Rockette S: 28JUL07, D'd: 29OCT09 http://tinyurl.com/27j9qo2
Of course she doesn't want to eat around you - she has an eating disorder! If she eats in front of you, her aberrant eating patterns - or lack of eating altogether - becomes apparent.
If she eats in front of W instead of you,. it my be because she can pull the wool over W's eyes more easily - hiding food on her plate, going into the kitchen to "get something" and spitting out a mouthful of food in the sink, etc. etc.
I had the best luck with my D's refeeding by employing a few tricks:
- eating out in restaurants. I know many anorexics are too self-conscious to do this, but my D wasn't. Restaurants are DESIGNED to make you overeat - lighting, colors,etc.
- distraction during meals - by keeping dinner-table conversation lively, D didn't feel like she was under a microscope with us staring at every bite (although I did watch very surreptitiously). D would also be distracted and not realize how much she was eating.
- putting food in serving bowls instead of portions on plates. If you take "just a little" from a serving bowl, eat it, then get some more - you have no idea at the end of the meal how much you've eaten. If you're served a big plate, the anorexic will start to panic once they see they've eaten half, or whatever.
Note - all these tips are for anorexics who are restricting their calories. Pure bulimics, who overeat and purge but do not restrict, would require different tools.
How about going to a place where the servings are smaller and more emphasis is on the food itself? We like things in bulk on this side of the pond whereas quality seems to hold more sway over in the mother country.
Even though the eating disorder is the extreme dangerous end if one could eventually get a person to restrict the calorie intake to less than an average American they would be far ahead of the game through their life. We eat like we are out working the fields as in the 1800s.
I know little on eating disorders so take this advice in context.
"All I want is a weeks pay for a day's work" Steve Martin
Thanks, Hill. Always appreciated. Took my Army physical fitness test yesterday. Best results in years. Finished my two mile run, and doubled back to run with the 26 year old stragglers!!!! I guess some of my GAL in the gym at 530 AM has been beneficial. Went out to eat at some nice places near my duty station. A 3 day "MANcation".
S10 has a hockey tournament in NY in January. It costs roughly $1000 extra! He loves the game and is really good at it, so "no" is not an option. Spoke with W. on Friday and asked her if she would pay half.
She statred out with her fvorite phrase "Quite frankly", so I knew where it was going.
She then went on to quickly tell me how when I came home from Iraq on leave and took my kids to FL, that it cost her $5000 she didn't have.
D18 was in an alternative school at that time to the tune of $7000(!) per month or at least that's what W. told me it costs. I was going into the eye of "the surge" in Iraq, and could not have cared any less about my bank account at that time. As you recall, I sent her $10,000 a month until you guys made me wise up and save for ME.
I Told her I sent her $10 a month. She proceeded to launch into her monthly expenses and what it costs, and the 10K wasn't really 10 because of daughter's school.........Maybe all true.
I just stopped her and sadi "I got it". She continued to go on and on. I said "I don't want to argue. I got it"
Bottom line, I'll write the check. I have the money right now, it's about my son, so who cares.
Hopefully the mediator can help you with a plan for future money issues!!!! It's still a big issue for me! I don't always feel I need to pay half since my ex's salary is 4x mine. He doesn't feel he needs to pay for anything extra since I get child support.
Hopefully the mediator can help you with a plan for future money issues!!!! It's still a big issue for me! I don't always feel I need to pay half since my ex's salary is 4x mine. He doesn't feel he needs to pay for anything extra since I get child support.
Keep track of your expenses!
I am in the same boat Matilda. If I ask X about anything he says "that is what child support is for." Actually, child support is based on the child's basic living expenses, not extras. I asked for extracurricular costs to be split but my X refused. And I was asking it to be a 50/50 split even though he makes more than twice what I do and is remarried so is sharing living expenses. But he refuses to contribute anything but the absolute minimum for the kids, then bitches that he doesn't have enough clothes at his house for the kids, I should be providing them. Ugh, how many more years of this will I have to endure?!
FLTC, you are a great dad.....just keep doing what you are doing, your kids will thank you for it.
"You can't stop the waves, but you can learn to surf." Jon Kabat-Zinn
