It's gonna be a girl!!

[pat44]

Since I'm not an alcoholic Idon't have experiance with that.I would think that if I was I wouldn't want to put myself in a sitch where I would be tempted.

My FIL was an alcoholic and a good friend from law school is an alcoholic. They were fine around alcohol. The way I understand it - at least in their cases - being around alcohol didn't tempt them. It was more about when they were facing stress or angst and they were tempted to use alcohol to take the edge off. Hopefully your "friend" contacted his AA sponsor to figure out what triggered him to drink. I know it is hard to accept - but it really is his problem that only he can handle. His choices with respect to drinking are completely out of your control.

I don't know.I think maybe I'm using this as an excuse.

Thank you for posting about your fears... The rest of your post sounds like what I will probably post when I meet someone interesting. And you will have to steady me.

I guess it is time to take a deep breathe and take one step at a time and get to know him. You know you can run at anytime - as long as you know that you have a safety net right? So you can take that next step knowing you will have the option of running away - if he turns out to be all wrong. And if you get hurt - i will be waiting here with lots of ice-cream - or whatever your break up food is.

Now mind you, it is so much easier to tell you what to do - than do it myself!

take care,
AG

[Briget]

Karen,Beth,AG,

Thank you.I promise not to run just because I'm scared.I guess when your hurt as bad as I was it's natural to be scared.I will not let fear run my life.Damn it!!!

I'm going to go really really slow.Watch for red flags as well as watch for the good that can come from allowing a good man to love me.

Ok I know this is premature.Hell it has only been two dates.Gotta slow the overthinking down a few notches.

I can handle this.Shoot I handled falling in love with my H.Having five kids,and getting my heart broken.I came out a better person for that.I'm a strong woman.I can handle this dating thing.God was it this hard when I was young? It sure didn't feel like it.But then again I wasn't the woman I am now.I don't think when I met H I gave anything a thought.I just went with it.Now that I'm older I don't think I will ever be able to do that again.That girl has turned into a woman.

I had a good day today.My best friend came over tonight.I haven't seen her in a while.I had stepped back from her.She is getting a bit out of control.She broke up with her boyfriend.This is a good thing since he was using drugs.She was hurting and I just had to be there for her.I made her dinner.Made her eat.Then we listened to music and played scrabble.Nice calm night.I'm hoping that she will see you can have a good time without all that drama.

I set boundries with her.No drinking,no boyfiend here,So we had sweet tea and spaghetti.

Well I'm off to bed.I have to get up early.Goodness I hate that.When is publishers clearing house gonna get here and give me ten million dollars.LOL

Have a good night.

Later Friends
Briget

[KarenMarieS]

well as watch for the good that can come from allowing a good man to love me.

Its sooo nice, beleive me, B is as opposite to my ex as can be, hes just a solid, loving, man, and I am glad I opened myself up to meet him. Almost didnt, almost quit! and you will too Brig, you are such a ray of sunshine! so funny and loving! The right man is gonna sweep you off your feet , the feet w/ the cool black shoes on them lol and you'll know why you had to wait till the right one came along!

You are very wise to take it slow. I think we should all do that w/ R. It took me a long time to trust B as much as I do, was always waiting for him to mess up!

Sounds like a fun night w/ your friend! See you are sooo loveable!

[Briget]

Hey did you know that if you clean a 14 year old girls room it will piss her off?

I used to know that!!!!! but...


I forgot and cleaned D14 room.She was so mad that I touched her stuff!!!! LOL

I warned her that if she didn't clean it I was gonna.It took me four flippin hours to do it.And did I get a thank you? Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!

I got yelled at!!!!!! So I shipped her off to my sisters for the weekend.My sister has two little kids.Hee Hee!! I'm bad.LOL

So I got a clean house and some peace and quiet.

My mom is coming for the weekend tomorrow.I'm not looking forward to it.I was not raised by her and I do not have a good connection with her.But my sister who is her caretaker needs a break.I know this sounds mean.But I was raised by foster parents and really don't have good feelings towards her.I'm doing this for my sister.

My kids have a connection with her so they will enjoy it.Me I have to bite my tongue the whole time.You know it is kinda hard to take parenting advise from her.

So wish me luck I survive this weekend.

Later Friends
Briget

[qoe100]

Hi Briget,
I refused to clean my D's room as a teen. But.....she wasn't allowed to leave the house, talk on the phone or have anyone over if it wasn't cleaned every Tues. Took a few weeks before she figured out I was serious but it finally got through.

And.....trust me, I know about having to bite your tongue around "the mom." But.......try to have a happy and peaceful weekend anyway, OK?

[Briget]

Usually I let her room be hers unless it is drawing bugs.But since my mom has to sleep in her bed I really needed it to be clean.

It looks like I may not have to have my mom here.My sister was suppose to come here and show me how she was going to get her up and down my apartment steps.She was a no show.My apartment has 15 steps up to my apartment.I think she can get up them.I don't know how we will get her down.She uses a walker to get around.

I have to be at work by six in the morning.She damn well better not drop her off while I'm at work.No one will be at home until I get home.I really don't think she would do that.

I really don't want to do this.But I feel like I have to help my sister.It's pure guilt.I wasn't raised by her.And don't really feel like she is my mother.I know that sounds cold.My sister is different.I just can't make myself feel like that.She can.And she can't or won't understand why I can't.I'm the oldest and I remember what it was like.Her memories are a lot different than mine.I remember the abuse.She doesn't.This is going to be harder than she knows.I have been on my own since I was 16.I ran away from my last foster home and she stayed.She finally connected with our mother.I moved out of state.I was gone for over 15 years.

O well I will try to make this weekend work.

Later Friends
Briget

[pat44]

Hi Briget:

I noticed your thoughts about your mother.

I don't know if any of this applies to you - my R with my mother is somewhat stressful - and that is an understatement... There was a time when I expected things from her that she was simply incapable of giving. I finally have gotten to the point where I can be civil and even nice for limited periods of time but expect nothing from her. And on the flip side - she continues to expect things from me - that I don't want to or am incapable of giving myself.

I am also the oldest too. My sister takes care of my mother - she lives with my sister. My sister is five years younger - her interactions/memories with my mother are a little different from mine. My brother is 8 years younger.

My sister also gets tired of my mother treating her the way she does and when she needs a break - she tries to draw my brother or myself into dealing with her. I have been to C and set boundaries. My brother and sister have not - cannot set boundaries with her - and get angry with me at times... Gotta love dysfunctional families...

My goal with my mother is a lot like DB'ing. I built up my own self esteem so her barbs no longer hurt. I detach. And everything I say to her is with the goal of descalating conflict - part of it is tongue biting... It helps that I have depersonalized her comments - they are what she needs to say. As long as I don't challenge her - she is fine. She really could care less about what I think of her comments. It is about her and having to be right. And her being right typically involves her being right about what is wrong with me...

Now that being said - I cannot handle being around my mother for long periods of time. There are too many triggers and too much history. I eventually start to feel bad about myself around her b/c she knows all of my triggers and eventually it does wear me down.

I hope you don't come home to find your mother at your place and are able to enjoy and relax in your clean and quiet home this weekend.

take care,
AG

[BethM]

Bridget,

Seems to me as if your situation was totally different from what AG suggests. You probably never even bonded with your birth Mom. That makes it hard right there.

Don't feel quilty Sweetie. I would think that a weekend visit would hardly need the added pressure of setting boundaries. You're strong and kind. You can do anything for a weekend.

Love,
Bethie

[Briget]

Thank you AG and Beth,

I did bond with my mother.I was in and out of foster homes for most of my teens.If DCF had known about it when I was younger I would have been put in a foster home earlier.My mother was mentally ill.We don't know what it is.But I think now that it was post partum depression.She had six children.The first three 13 months apart.

She would sleep all day.Literally 18 hours a day.So I was on my own to get dressed and fed.I got myself to school.So it is a weird bond.I really feel a detachment from her that is unhealthy.But I can't bring myself to work on that.I don't think I ever will.

But I got lucky today.My D22 is going to go stay with her.I'm off the hook.And D14 has a sleepover.I have my nice clean apartment to myself.

I have a date tonight.Going to go see a movie.NG is starting to look really good.He is so sweet.So far the only red flag I had was that beer.

He is into health food and Yuck exercising.We took our dogs to the park for a hour after I got home from work.Ummmm thats usually my nap time.LOL

Have a good night

Later Friends
Briget

[KarenMarieS]

Brig
I'm sorry that your R w/ your mother is strained.

You are such a wonderful woman and terrific mother yourself, and I know it must be hard on you at times.

What a great life you built for yourself though!
I am glad you NG is growing on you! nice and slow wins the race lol
have a great time tonight, tell us about it

AND
I had to LOL when you said walking the dogs was your nap time, I can soooo relate to that thinking! LOL