Yoyo, he wasn't necessarily threatening me to take the kids completely away. He was saying basically that if *he* isn't welcome to spend the night, that he will begin overnights with the girls at his dads. He hasn't taken them yet (except of course, during the day for outings), and its been really hard for me to get 'there', to where I won't be a mess if he takes them on overnights. Sigh. Another reason I get mad at H still, less time with my girls.
Here's a cool 180. When he says he'll take the girls out of your house for visitation or an overnight say, "Perfect! Great idea!"
You don't need them 24/7 to be the bestest mommy in the whole wide world! (hugs).. cuz you already are. Time alone with daddy is a good thing for them.. and for you. It just hurts getting used to that.
lwb, I agree with gypsy...its going to be a hard transition when your stbx does start taking them at whatever point that is. but remember, I promise, there are silver linings, too, just like with separation. its hard, and its horrible, and its not what we want, but at the same time, it can be a good thing, too.
you know me, I cried every friday when h took the kids for the first month or 2. sobbed, it was horrible. but after a while, I started embracing the silver linings...and started embracing me again. and while I hated being without my kids for a minute, I also learned to love some of the time on my own. that is something you do not get much of right now, and honey, I promise it can be good at times.
(((HUGS)))
M-41 H-38 M-10 years, T-14 years Bomb-PA 3/19/07 Separated-6/7/07 Piecing/h back home 5/08 S-6 S-4 D-4
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is that little voice at the end of the day that says, 'I'll try again tomorrow.'"
It was a very tough thing to go through - my first times away from the boys. It wasn't easy, but it did get easier with time. You may cry - I did as well, but you will be ok, sweet lady.
Hope this day finds you well.
(((((((More hugs)))))))
Getting over a painful experience is much like crossing monkey bars. You have to let go at some point in order to move forward. ~ Joseph Campbell
Gypsy, that's a great 180 idea! Can I still cry when they leave though, cuz there will be a big ol' empty hole, dontcha know?
Sorting out divorce details, all on my own of course. We are registered for our separate parenting classes (did make him sign up for his on his own), have the retirement fund attorney working on things, and I have my paperwork for the house going too. Found out we need one more appt with the atty, so I made it for Thursday. La deee dah.
I feel for you, dear lady. Nothing progressing in my own sitch, but I know it to be inevitable.
And sorting through the myriad of details and unwanted action items. <sigh>
I myself just removed the last bit of my belongings from my house -- I look back with a twinge of melancholy that it is all done. There's nothing more left for me to do at our family home but to (somehow) sell it. One more step towards the end of this M once and for all.
Of COURSE you can cry - just wait until after the door is closed. You want the babes to see you smiling and waving, telling them that they are going to have a great time!
Arrange for one or two of your girlfriends to swoop in and pick you up within 15 minutes of the kids going, then go out and cut a rug. Or scrapbook. Or bellydance (I love that one!). Or hit a comedy club. Or a movie. Or an all-male review! Hey, treat it like the Bachelorette party you never had!
I even did a few "slumber parties" with my few single girlfriends, so as to ease into being in the house on my own.
As far as the business end...it sucks that we have to do most, if not all, of the leg work for something that we never wanted. But remember that you DO want to get the best, fair outcome of what is rolling your way, so keep all those ducks in a row. Strangely, I was able to keep that separate from my emotions, mostly. Made him crazy that I was all business when it came to the legal stuff.
