I'm A Winner and...............He's NOT!!!!

[qoe100]

I know y'all are probably right but it really hurts to feel this distance from my D.

One thing I did find out is that he's been telling her that I agreed to save 30K of the money he owed me for her college and I renegged on that promise. I never made that statement and the judge told him that even if I had agreed to it that he had no right to tell me how to spend "my" money.

I asked her if she'd ever known of me to lie and she said, "No." Then I asked if she'd ever known of her dad to lie and she said, "Yes." To me that should settle it but I guess not............ I'm going to leave her alone for however long it takes for her to work through this. But, I miss my girl and I'm so sad.

[fig]

i am sorry jilly bean

that sucks

[Lissie]

Aww baby girl.

I am so sorry, you are sad.

Jill you know how bad it feels when someone that is supposed to love you, lies to you and is not good enuff.

Sometimes when we ourselves are feeling iffy about stuff we hold on to those scraps they give us, for whatever reason.

She may be doing that now.

Eventually we knew that those scraps are not good enuff for us, nor healthy for us.

She just may be having some grieving about stuff now, and has turned in a different way when it comes to her dad for whatever reason.

You are her light sugar. Let her go thru this thing, she will always be near you.

Love you lots

[spitfire23]

Hey Queenie,

Congrats on the win in court. Sorry that things are rough with your daughter right now. Whenever things get squirrely with my boys, I keep telling myself, "This too shall pass." They really are in a tough spot, aren't they? And underneath, they know the truth. They just need time to process it.

Hang in there.

Hugs,

Spitty

[BigHands]

Congrats, Jilly!!!

He's a spoad. He knows it, you know it, and the judge knows it too.

As for your daughter . . . you're the safe one that she can be mad at and still know she's loved. She WILL come around.

[KarenMarieS]

Ahhh I am just reading this I am so sorry things w/ K are difficult right now ((( jilly))) It seems when we have older kids during our D, this will happen, our kids must feel so torn- loving us both. Ugh.

I have to remind a few people, even tho they have very good intentions - that Ry loves his dad, even tho I think hes a putz and they do too, we cant possible feel how our kids feel, oddly lol they love their parents like we love ours.

I know you have a great R w/ K, its strong and loving and this is just a short phase,it will be fine, giving her some space is a good idea.

Here for you Jilly girl

[qoe100]

Ya know, when my parents D'd. I was so mad at my bio Dad. But....I had been mad at my Mom for years for putting up with his BS. So, I really was torn. However, my Mom who had always been a SAHM (there were 4 of us and my Dad was in the military so we moved nearly every year) went out and got a decent paying job, eventually remarried a wonderful man and thrived. My Dad who had already been on his way to being an alcoholic did become a full fledged alcoholic, couldn't hold a job after he retired from the military, cheated on his new wife (she was OW) and died at 53 of a heart attack. And.....I have to admit that I did feel sorry for him. Sooooooooo, I guess I can understand where D is coming from. But, it makes me angry too because I've worked since I was 10 yrs old and at times I worked 2 or 3 jobs at a time when I was a single mom. And X could do that too but instead he does nothing and that inspires her pity????

[Reincarnated]

He inspires her pity because he is the only dad she has, and she knows that he could be so much better. I think it is more disappointment than pity - but how do you express that as the offspring?
I think BH hit it right on....

[BigHands]

Of course it does, Jilly.

She doesn't have your perspective. I get your frustration. It's a frustrating situation, but, if I may slip into DBing lingo for a second (Lord forgive me) . . .

it sounds to me like some of what your feeling is based on your expectation of what she should feel, or more that you expect her to feel as you would if you were her. You're not her and she's not you. She doesn't get the things you do, and you don't get the things she does.

And maybe she's a little afraid to tell you that, or not sure how to articulate it. I don't know. I'm really mostly probably talking out my fabled third point of contact, but these are the thoughts that came to me.

Just a thought.

[KarenMarieS]

He inspires her pity because he is the only dad she has

Exactly!
my SIL says the same about her dad, who had an A and left the family when she was about 17, now many many years later, she knows he is who he is, but she says, a kid just keeps hoping , that dad will come thru, this time he'll make me proud, she said most times it dosnt happen but you keep on hoping anyway and love them.

It will be ok J, before you know it , I bet you and K will be out shopping and laughing till your sides hurt!