You came along and everything started to hum.

[Lissie]

Well, I started decorating for Halloween today.

This will be the first Halloween ever that I will not have my children with me to go Trick or treating.

I think I started to mourn it already.

I get dressed up with them every year, and really make it a big deal.

I at least will do the school activities them with them that day, so I will look forward to that.
The last few weeks have been busy, busy, busy. School schedules, after school activity schedules. Time flies I tell ya.

These past few weeks have also been pretty amazing. My beautiful son has really been opening up to his dad. My son sent his dad an email.

It was heartbreaking. I debated copying and pasting, it, just b/c I am so proud of how he opened up. It is personal to him. You just can imagine what it said.


Things like, Don't you know that I need you in my life everyday? Can't you see that you spend more time with children that are not even your own, than my sister and I? so on and so forth.

The reply he received, well would wanna make you trip the X if you saw him walking down the street.

Things like, I am happier now, I wish you could see things thru adult eyes.

He did also say how he loved them more than anything in the world and how much he hurt that he was not able to be in their lives every day.

I broke down crying when i
I read the reply.

NOt b/c of the shock of his reply, but b/c I knew my son would be hurt. He said to me, "Mom I am so happy that he even replied, but papi lives in a fake world."


I have told the kids numerous times that their father left ME. Not them.

My son said we are a package, if he left you, he left us too.

My kids are amazing, and hurting, and healing. The laughter is more than the tears finally. I hope it will forever continue that way. For the most part, we have more ups than downs.

Life is busy. Life is good. Life still stops me in my tracks somedays, and I cry.
It does not consume me, and that is the key for me.

I play are you smarter than a fifth grader every day, but the game show in my house is , Are you smarter than a FOURTH grader?

WHA?

I have to google the homework. I am stumped at times.

Hey at least I am learning.


Taking a break from Zumba to do some boxing work outs.

Thanks for always checking up on me peeps.

Luv yiz.

The Bar is open!

[BarbieDoll]

Mimosa please. I'm first. And I'll be back.

Barb

[qoe100]

YOWZA!!!

Martini, please!!!!

[qoe100]

Dammit!!!!

OK, first of all, I love your son to pieces!!! He is so smart, sweet and loyal.

Lis, you're doing great and getting stronger all the time.

So, whatcha want me to hum for ya?

[BarbieDoll]

Wow Lissie,

For his young age, you son really "GETS IT". I admire him for saying the truth to his dad. I also feel so sad for him.

Do everything in the next month that you can for your kids. You can go to Halloween parties or pumpkin patches and just soak up the holiday on a day other that "THE DAY". I think that will help a lot, don't you. Or host a Halloween party for your kids a week ahead. I used to do that. We even created a Haunted House in our basement. It was incredible! In fact - we did that more than once.

You are a fab mom. Your kiddies know it. Keep on enjoying those babes!

Barb

[Reincarnated]

I'll have some hot chocolate.

Your poor babe.....my son is in 8th, and he has been in the same tough spot. But he wants his dad to be happy. His dad put the hard sell on him about how the gf didn't have anything to do with it, and that he moved on, this is how it has to be, he is happy now, etc And I am letting it all lie, now. Their relationship has to be between them.

That is the hardest thing to go through - watching what these people put our kids through, and for what?
****

I love the idea of hosting a party!!! You are right, there are so many other opportunities to wear our costumes!!! And apple picking, pumpkin picking....

[fig]

those kids

that is all i can say

because the thug in me comes out

and

then you would have to parent a lot more kids than your own

but

hey

maybe i could get transfered to the prison there
i imagine their suits are a step up fashion wise than here

and

my hair looks like garth
so
party on wayne
ugh

and

shut it
because i need a drink already

damn wings

[Lissie]

Hi Jilly thank you!

Barb Fall is my favorite time of year. Yes I will enjoy as many activities as I can with them. Thank you for your suggestions.

Donna, you said

Your poor babe.....my son is in 8th, and he has been in the same tough spot. But he wants his dad to be happy. His dad put the hard sell on him about how the gf didn't have anything to do with it, and that he moved on, this is how it has to be, he is happy now, etc And I am letting it all lie, now. Their relationship has to be between them.

I for a long time kept up with the X's shenanigans, telling my kids that papi was not here b/c he moved closer to work (he told the kids that) so I really didn't know any better. I thought he was coming back home.

Then when I found out the truth, that he was with someone else and that he was not coming back he was just being a coward and lying.

Then I finally with as much age appropriateness as possible. Told my children the truth.

Told them what their father is doing is wrong. I let them then lead with any questions, and many did come.

I never stopped validating them and always told them that their dad loved them so very much. I let them know that we all make mistakes and we have to try to do our best.

They love him very much, and are super happy when he comes to get them, and I really do love that they love him so much. B/c I am sure that one day he will end up a lonely old man if he keeps all this crap up.

Many questions did come from them about my behavior also, and I was very candid keeping their age in mind, and keeping an open dialouge with the therapist also, on how to handle this.

I did not want my son to think that what his father was doing was ok. As long as he is happy type of crap.

My parents were very open and honest with us and instilled the value of morals on my siblings and I. I will continue that with my children.

Thank you for passing by Donna. Hot chocolate it is. That does sound yum.

[oldtimer]

Donna,

"His dad put the hard sell on him about how the gf didn't have anything to do with it"

This IS NOT a hard sell. The A, the R with GF is a RESULT of the problems in your R. Quit trying to lay it on their R. For your own sake AND your kids, let go of that. Your M ended because it did not work for X. Nor did it work for you, as you are getting closer to finding. It was a sick and limiting R. That is why it ended. That is why X's R with GF started. X took advantage of a vulnerable woman (GF) to make his transition easier, but it was not the cause of the transition.

[Yoyowife]

OT,

I'm not sure what point you are trying to get across. I may be interpreting your thoughts wrong, but it seems to me that you are saying that she should not tell her kids that Daddy left Mom for OW. I have to disagree, I believe Donna and is doing the right thing. She does not want her children to believe that it is okay to have a GF/BF while married to another. She is instilling morals in them, not trying to beat her husband down.

This is an excerpt from an article that I just read on infidelity. It was talking about values and infidelity.


"The article also points to a person's role models -- usually their parents -- as an influence. If the parents cheated or seemed to accept infidelity, the lesson their child learned might be that it's not that big a deal. And that could carry over to the child's adult life."

In my H's case, not only did his father cheat, but also his maternal grandfather and paternal grandfather. Could this have had any bearing on my H's infidelity? I'm not sure, but I don't want my children thinking infidelity is acceptable.

OT, I know that there are differing viewpoints on whether the children should be told about the infidelity. I believe they should be told age appropriate things about why their parent left.

Yoyo