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A Message from Michele
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Re: What I learned from H's MLC [Re: imLIN] #1600252
09/23/08 03:08 AM
09/23/08 03:08 AM
Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 1,839
Midwest
T
theotherhalf Offline
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theotherhalf  Offline
Member
T
Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 1,839
Midwest
Lin, so glad everything is going well for you. God Bless you and your family.

You give us all hope that sometimes is hard to hold on to.

TOH


M41
H42
D17
Adopted N14
M22 T24
"Bomb" 4/07
Sep 8/07
Admitted OW 11/07(only to me)
OW back 12/4/07
PA on off thru 7/08
says done w/OW but not coming home 8/08
D final 7/09
Moving on and up!!
Re: What I learned from H's MLC [Re: imLIN] #1600285
09/23/08 03:36 AM
09/23/08 03:36 AM
Joined: Dec 2007
Posts: 521
N
No Longer BH Offline
Member
No Longer BH  Offline
Member
N
Joined: Dec 2007
Posts: 521
What makes you special is your commitment to help others who are still in pain. You could have left this board when your M finally worked out, but you didnt. You keep coming back and offering advise to people newly on this journey so that they can avoid the pitfalls that you had to endure. You try to help others find the best path to success, even if that success means living without WAS. No, ImLin you are special because you care and because you reach out. You have a lovely soul and I just wanted you to know that there are many people who have found their way because of you. Thank you.


Broken Hearted
------------------
Me - 36
H - 37
S - 8
Married - 1992
ILYNILWY - August 2007
Moved Out - March 2008
OW Revieled - May 28, 2008
Filed for D - July 2, 2008

http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1599046&page=0&fpart=1
Re: What I learned from H's MLC [Re: No Longer BH] #1600876
09/23/08 05:49 PM
09/23/08 05:49 PM
Joined: Sep 2008
Posts: 724
H
hope3343 Offline
Member
hope3343  Offline
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H
Joined: Sep 2008
Posts: 724
Lin, I appreciate you came back with your story. I do not want to be one that my H never returns. I fear that everyday. That is what gets me out of bed, try a DB every day, (even though some days I fail miserably), and work on my controlling and anger issues. Everytime I relax, take a breath, and not nag, control or blow up -- I see a confused look on my H's face wondering what is going on with me. That will have to be a start. I just worry about my 2 D's. Lin how was your family when all of this was going on? did they tell you to leave etc.? thanks for posting


Me 53
H 50
D16, D29
M 22 years
bomb 7/08 INH - alien pod replaces H
8/08 - OW (direct report), I work there also
bomb II - H moves 10/1
expose ow 10/22
D to be final 9-09
Re: What I learned from H's MLC [Re: imLIN] #1601247
09/23/08 10:46 PM
09/23/08 10:46 PM
Joined: Dec 2005
Posts: 3,334
T
Truelove Offline
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Truelove  Offline
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T
Joined: Dec 2005
Posts: 3,334
Hi ImLIN,
I am so happy for you that you and your family are happy again. Thanks for sharing what you learnt from your H's MLC. You do give us hope. Although I am 99% sure that my H will not change and not come back, there is always that 1% of a chance.

Take care.

Re: What I learned from H's MLC [Re: Truelove] #1601263
09/23/08 10:56 PM
09/23/08 10:56 PM
Joined: Jun 2007
Posts: 18,395
S
sandi2 Offline
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sandi2  Offline
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S
Joined: Jun 2007
Posts: 18,395
Hey Sweetie! I am soooo glad to see you again. As one poster has already said, you were the voice of inspiration for me when I came on board. I know I've said that so many times that you are probably sick of it, but I won't forget how you helped me. I was reaching out in desparation and God used you, as well as some others, to guide me back to reality again. I know your life is full now and a lot of people tend to leave the board once their M is healed......and I certainly understand. But, you are gifted Lin. You have a way to help people here and I hope you will hang around. Maybe you have never left and I just wasn't able to find you. I tried for a long time, but I haven't been over here on MLC in a while.

Anyway, was so good to hear you again. You've not lost your touch. It's not everyone that can touch the heart of a person like you can. The thing that made me marvel at how you helped me was the fact that I was almost a WAW and although I did not try to take another woman's H......I still represented a role that you should have hated, however, you showed only compassion towards me and for that, I will always be indebted to you.

Well, I could go on forever, but just wanted to say hi and that I was glad I found you here.

Take care,
Sandi



It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Re: What I learned from H's MLC [Re: sandi2] #1602131
09/24/08 05:07 PM
09/24/08 05:07 PM
Joined: Jun 2005
Posts: 2,144
CA
I
imLIN Offline OP
Member
imLIN  Offline OP
Member
I
Joined: Jun 2005
Posts: 2,144
CA
Sandi2..thank you for your kinds words and I am glad to see you are still here...I hope you have found joy in your life again...because even if the marriage isn't the greatest we still have so much to be greatful for...it is a matter of mind

I don't come here often as it was taking time from my family...but I do pop in once in a while just to see how some are doing...and give encouragement where I can...

Linda Frieden


Status:

Happy and together
Re: What I learned from H's MLC [Re: imLIN] #1602179
09/24/08 05:29 PM
09/24/08 05:29 PM
Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 797
N
Nature Girl Offline
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Nature Girl  Offline
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Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 797
Quote:
"....I think they want to know they can come back...even though they don't want to come back now...


Hi LIN,

You said this in one of your above posts. I get the feeling my H feels this way.

Did you let your H know all along that he could come home and where you explicit about it?

and BTW, I do think you are an inspiration!


Nature Girl
M 40
H 40
M 15, T 19
D11 S9
bomb 3/07 (MOW)

Re: What I learned from H's MLC [Re: Nature Girl] #1602209
09/24/08 05:48 PM
09/24/08 05:48 PM
Joined: Jun 2005
Posts: 2,144
CA
I
imLIN Offline OP
Member
imLIN  Offline OP
Member
I
Joined: Jun 2005
Posts: 2,144
CA
He knew I wanted him home...I told him as much...but it wasn't until I really came to the point that I didn't feel I NEEDED him home...I WANTED him home...that things began to change...at this point he was feeling very weak and vulnerable...and I was feeling strong and okay with things...I think it made it easier on him to not feel so NEEDED...and boosted his ego a bit by knowing he was WANTED...

It is probably much more complicated than this but it is how I saw things from my perspective.

Lin


Status:

Happy and together
Re: What I learned from H's MLC [Re: imLIN] #1603718
09/25/08 08:05 PM
09/25/08 08:05 PM
Joined: Sep 2008
Posts: 724
H
hope3343 Offline
Member
hope3343  Offline
Member
H
Joined: Sep 2008
Posts: 724
Hi imLin, I had to stop at your thread today for encouragement, my H is telling Ds tonight he is moving next week. I try not to panic because I worry he will never come home but he did tell me today he saw changes in me. The most critical one is that he thought I was too controlling (I am and working on it), he wants to take care of himself and make his own decisions and yes another woman is involved even though he says no. How did your extended family take the breakup. We moved away from my family 2 years ago and they live almost 2000 miles away. They love him and it will crush them. So glad to see a success story.


Me 53
H 50
D16, D29
M 22 years
bomb 7/08 INH - alien pod replaces H
8/08 - OW (direct report), I work there also
bomb II - H moves 10/1
expose ow 10/22
D to be final 9-09
Re: What I learned from H's MLC [Re: imLIN] #1605065
09/26/08 11:12 PM
09/26/08 11:12 PM
Joined: Sep 2008
Posts: 302
Southern California
T
Trying2live Offline
Member
Trying2live  Offline
Member
T
Joined: Sep 2008
Posts: 302
Southern California
Wow your story is amazing. How on earth did you make it that long? I'm going to be hitting 6 months mid October with the A-I think there is some MLC too. But I feel like giving up daily.

You're my hero that's for sure.


Me-38 H-38
Married 18years
Daughter-17 & Son-9
Discovery of EA/PA 4/23/08
Left home 5/08/08
Moved in with OW 08/01/08

The only rock I know that stays steady, the only institution I know that works is the family.
-- Lee Iacocca
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