Keeping my spirits up

[fig]

i love when the OP tries to tell you the truth

its my favorite

and

it gives you the opportunity to calmly (because they will be yelling) tell them they are fucktards and to shove it up their asses

heres hoping you get to say it

and

i have a little experience with abusive

you aren't abusive

misguided, maybe
thoughtless, sometimes (we all are)
fall asleep on the phone, for sure

but not abusive

[frank_D]

Now I will wait for round three. Not sure what the hell that will be,maybe OM will want to give me a piece of his mind

If he were to do that, what would he have left to work with?

[ernest88]

ahh the rescuers..they see no bad in what their sons/daughters caused. All they know is if they don't "take sides" and support their batchitt crazy kids then they risk their kids getting pissed at them.

It's a viscious cycle. It's almost like the WAW's mom and dad walk into the fog with them and nothing is clear anymore.

You did good on the email brother. Hang in there. Hope Tawny is OK

Think we may be able to golf in October/Novemeber???

[Rob1231]

I agree with M

[BethM]

Bravo Ian...........

Precise, short and to the point. In fact you said most of the things I only dream of saying to my MIL. Maybe you'll get a response, maybe you won't. It really doesn't matter because these people have forever changed your relationship by their actions. I of course will always hope for RIGHT to win out but I no longer sit around waiting. It hurts too much!

Love,
Bethie

[*KS*Chick*]

I think the email was spot on. I also love the few anectodes sprinkled throughout this page (f***tards LOL) and piece of mind/nothing to work with.


Two months after our bomb hit, we went to his folks for Christmas. When we left I hugged his parents (figured I wouldn't see them much...) and his dad acted weird. I found out later that he had told them ALLLLLLLLLLLL about me (and none of anything about him as it happens).

His dad called me a whore, etc. so I never went back over. Then he died. I went to visit his mom and told her I was sorry that I had not been by but I knew I was unwelcome, and I knew how they felt about me (from what their son told me.)

She said he never said any of that. I did tel her that she didn't know everything and that CG had been around a LOT longer than any of them knew...but she doesn't believe he would have cheated on me. (Because he's a saint see...whatev!)

More confirmation that the ex is a liar and can't be trusted but it does make me sad also.

Hope your Wednesday is a good one Ian!

[sofaraway]

So no real progress made this weekend. It was Tawny's 15th birthday. Carrie took Ross to breakfast that morning and when she returned she sent a bag in for Tawny with a card and a ring. She did not come in and see her daughter for her birthday, she did not call her daughter on her birthday, and she did not text her daughter on her birthday.

She wrote this semi mushy card to Tawny which at least contained no guilt in it, other than that, nothing.

Pretty sad to say the least. Also her parents didnt call Tawny or send a birthday card or anything, se la vie.....

Tawny's friend shared the same birthday so they had a joint party with lots of friends and a giant slumber party with like 15 girls. Not at my house thank god I think overall it was a good birthday for Tawny.

My mom saw Carrie with OM this weekend walking down the street holding hands. It was very sad as my mom hasn't had to see that side of it up until now. Of course my mom is very old fashioned and believes it to be incredibly wrong while we are still legally married, but I think it was more that it hurt for her to see it. Carrie and her were very close and of course Carrie has blown her off as well.

I am doing fairly well. Enjoyed my week with both kids and got to spend Saturday night doing laundry and watching movies with my girlfriend. She fell asleep and ended up staying the night. It was actually very nice and fealt great waking up Sunday morning and having someone special to make breakfast for.

My feelings for Yakeline have been getting stronger lately. I think for a long time I have tried to keep them at bay simply because of my situation. I just know that when I am with her I feel great, I know that she makes me very happy, and I know that there is something very special about her for me. I do however think that I am scared to death of it. I know that I do think about what happened and whether or not it will happen again with someone else.

I have to figure out how to trust again.... I have to figure out how to be able to not think the worst is going to happen. I know some of you have had experience with this, so how do you go about getting past the hurt and betrayal when it comes to new relationships?


Ian

[fig]

time
faith
and some stiff drinks

i mean
at least thats how i did it

also
you will have lots of questions
lots of doubts

your partner needs to be strong enough to deal with those and not take them personal

and

finally
you need to know yourself
what makes you tick
what sets you off

and

your motives for being in a relationship

[Lissie]

Happy Birthday T BUG. FIFTEEN? sigh that means you are sooo much older.

Um

anywhoo.

she sent a bag in for Tawny with a card and a ring

Actually I am a bit impressed under the circumstances of Carrie being an ass munch.

She did not come in and see her daughter for her birthday, she did not call her daughter on her birthday, and she did not text her daughter on her birthday.

She wrote this semi mushy card to Tawny which at least contained no guilt in it, other than that, nothing

So when are you going to stop having any expectations of her? Aren't you tired of you wanting her to be someone she is not.

I know she was someone wonderful for a very long time. I know that she took the bulk of parenting for a good 12 years. I know that she was one of those moms that you can write a commercial about.

That moms is gone. I am sorry. I pray that she returns one day for the sake of your children.

I think it is time for you to focus on what she DOES bring to the table. A ring, a halfy mushy card, a hi once in a while, or a TM once in a while.

Are they good enought? ABSOLUTELY NOT.

But it is what she offers. Is T bug worth more than the occasional scrap, totally.

Point out to her what she DOES have, and both of you try no to focus on what she DOES not bring to the table. Easier said than done? yes. Do you have to keep reminding yourselves of the good? yes.

Why?

Not b/c of Carrie. This has nothing to do with her half ass attempt of being a worthy human being.

Focusing on the good is for you and for Tawny and for Ross.

So you can all heal a little each day. Mourning the loss of a marriage, is so hard already. Children take their time healing, so in that process of healing for Tawny, try to turn it to positive as much as you can.

I know it is hard, it is hard work when all of this is on our shoulders.

As for Senorita, slow and steady wins the race. Be as honest as possible. Be a gentleman always.

It is unfair for us to put out baggage on to somone that is not desrving of it, so that means that just b/c you are in an R, it does not mean that you stop working on yourself.

You know the drill.

and if she is as patient as she has been, then it is all good.

I know it is scary. It gets less scary. Well it better.

[ernest88]

Ian, hope you are well. Sorry to hear of the continued crazy stuff.

I do however think that I am scared to death of it. I know that I do think about what happened and whether or not it will happen again with someone else.

perfectly natural and normal feelings. If your changes are true Ian then should you really fear this? You can only control you and your feelings. Fear was a biggy for me but I was too stupid to realize that we sometimes fall back on "old habits" even when we are with someone new. I fell back on those old habits. They were easy for me to remember and take hold of. If you have the knowledge and these old habits are gone then is there really anything to fear?

I have to figure out how to trust again.... I have to figure out how to be able to not think the worst is going to happen. I know some of you have had experience with this, so how do you go about getting past the hurt and betrayal when it comes to new relationships?

have faith. Trust is not built over night. It's a on going, long process. I'm sure as time goes on then your trust issues will resolve themselves.

The worst may happen again Ian. We can't predict the future. if you've changed for the better then IMO, YOUR part of the past can't rear it's ugly head in a new relationship.

It's hard to put yourself back out there I know. I've been there, done that..and still got my assss busted..learn and grow, be a better person..that's what it's all about.