WAW...now LBS part III

[HOPEFULinCALI]

sg,

Yes, it has been awhile. Great to hear from you. I have run out of options so LRT and prayer seems to be my only hope right now.

My free time varies from week to week. I have been getting more involved at church. Today I start a new class at church and then another in a few weeks so I will be at church 3x a week. Other than that I try to keep myself busy. I don't do anything spectacular. I am stressed about money lately. Problem is I don't have any. I worked soooo hard at building our credit, savings, and net worth. I kept us out of debt and in fact we lived quite comfortably enjoying the luxuries of life and he has undone it all in the past year.

[HOPEFULinCALI]

I spoke with my DB coach yesterday. The last time we spoke she came up with three options. I tried two options which had no effect. My last option is to move back in. I know he will not have a problem with this since he asked me to move back in at the end of November to take care of the house during his six months of CHP academy. It just so happens that my roomie is moving to another city and it isn't practical to move to another place for two months.

My coach said that this will be a good opportunity to give him something to miss when he leaves for the academy and also to see my 180. That is a 180 for ya. Last week I wanted no contact. This week I am moving back in. Well it makes sense, financially at least, to move back in since we own the house together and I need to protect my investment. My only hesitation is my pride for one after all he has done over the past year and for another I feel yet again I am being the one to lean on with no thanks in return.

Cross my fingers. This really is my "last resort".

[HOPEFULinCALI]

I haven't seen any WAH on this board but I am curious to know if any of the guys could chime in on this one. I was listening to the radio this morning and the dj's were explaining how men and women were different in terms of what makes them fall in love. I have read the five love languages and I have done my best to appeal to his love language without success.

I would guess that things such as affection and affirmation would be a place to start but since my H is now the WAH and I was previously the WAW it seems as if this approach isn't the answer in this case. I have followed the DB rules and the advice of my coach but he doesn't seem any closer to wanting to reconcile.

Any ideas? How can I get his attention? Thanks!

[nothavingfun]

Hopeful,

I have read your sitch but it has been a while. Made some responses but haven't heard back. Hope you will look them up when you have a chance.

If I am not mistaken, are you moving back in with him?

[HOPEFULinCALI]

I have read your sitch but it has been a while. Made some responses but haven't heard back. Hope you will look them up when you have a chance.

Do you mean that you made some responses to me? In my LRT thread?
Sorry I missed ya. I didn't put it on my watched list and forgot I had posted it. Thanks so much for taking the time to respond. I will take a look right now.

If I am not mistaken, are you moving back in with him?

I am. This weekend or next. I still haven't had the conversation with him as he gets back from overseas on Thursday but I am 95% sure it will not be a problem. This is a great opportunity (and my last. The D will be final during his CHP Academy) for me to show my changes and spend more time with him.

[HOPEFULinCALI]

I have read your sitch but it has been a while. Made some responses but haven't heard back. Hope you will look them up when you have a chance.

Do you mean that you made some responses to me? In my LRT thread?
Sorry I missed ya. I didn't put it on my watched list and forgot I had posted it. Thanks so much for taking the time to respond. I will take a look right now.

If I am not mistaken, are you moving back in with him?

I am. This weekend or next. I still haven't had the conversation with him as he gets back from overseas on Thursday but I am 95% sure it will not be a problem. This is a great opportunity (and my last. The D will be final during his CHP Academy) for me to show my changes and spend more time with him.

[nothavingfun]

If you are moving back, you are miles ahead of many.

You want to know what you can do to build your attraction from him.

For me, it has been the chase. The person I want, wants me to move on. The more I try to LRT, the weaker I feel. I GAL but come home feeling lower. I miss her in my life very much. And I find myself giving in and emailing her (against all recomendations of any book I have read) But I can't get my heart to listen to my head.

Men are, for the most part, straight forward. Ask him what he needs.

Women like to believe we can read minds and understand all the body language you use. WE DON'T! Even if we do, we get upset that you don't speak directly.

If you are on talking terms and working through this, do a "sit down" Make a list. Draw charts and have weekly or bi-weekly sit downs and map out each others progress. Trying to keep it all together in your head is too much.

Is the OW truly out of the pic now?

[HOPEFULinCALI]

nothavingfun,

Thank you! I have some things to think about.

OW? Well it is is EA after EA after EA (BTW-The are all out of state or out of the country). He flirts for a while then moves on to another. This last one has me scared I have to admit. It seems as if he really wants a relationship with this one and she has taken the bait. She is 21 for goodness sake and lives on the other side of the country. We are in California and she is in NY. I just have to take this opportunity to show him I am the better option. I KNOW I am. I just wish he could see it.

I responded to your questions in my LRT thread but I am also going to start a thread here too. I think it will be beneficial to have a thread for questions and answers.

[nothavingfun]

Thank you hopeful. I read it on both threads.

Guys like to flirt. Women do too It is human nature.

It depends on how far they are willing to take it. Me, I could not picture myself looking in the mirror the next morning without feeling shame for the hour of pleasure I might have. (yes I said an hour :)) Another thing I have seen in those who have cheated, it does not matter where it happened, next door or another country, it always seems to find its way home. My wife was 1200 miles away and I found out. Another reason I won't ever take that chance.

You have a tough situation in that. I don't know your husband.

[HOPEFULinCALI]

Guys like to flirt.

Don't I know it. I can flirt with the best of them but I don't and H takes it to another level.
Sexual in nature H telling them how he wants to be with them.

(yes I said an hour :))

LMAO

I don't know your husband.

Neither do I. A year ago I would have said never in a million years but here we are.
But he should know me well enough to know that I can read his behavior like a book. I still know him well enough that he can't hide anything from me. It's insulting that he even tries.