Well, I finally met the OW! I felt a little hurt @ first b/c she is real pretty, unlike those u hear about affairing down. BUT, I quickly did not let that get me down..why? b/c I fweel so much better about myself I told myself never again will I let another person get me down or feel bad about myself like STBX use to do.
I feel more sorry than anything for OW b/c he will be always be looking for the next best thing or the next pretty face to continue cheating on her just as he is still trying to get me to have sex w/ him. One day she will catch him w/ the next OW. This is the first time he has the girls for so long(2 weeks), so it was my regular scheduled weekend (& a break for him as he called it). It was the 1st time I went to their home and so I knew I would meet her. I stayed in the car as she walked up and I lowered my window and she extended her hand & said that it was about time we finally met. I agreed w/ a big smile ( even though I would prefer never meeting her at all).
When it was time to drop them off , I intentionally (he he) dressed for the kill (as per Michelle's advice, for fun). I wore a really tight cute bright purple top and form fitting jeans. Mind you I have lost close to twenty pounds. Well, I got out to let the kids out and noticed STBX was checking me out, looking at my smaller belly & staring at my chest.
Quick rewind-
I have a new guy freind who at first thought I was ready to date but then now realized I am enjoying my new alone time/ life. Well, one day when STBX was to drop them off, he called last minute to meet half way and I had this guy over helping me w/ my recent move and moving furniture around. I told ex this that a guy was over and he suggested(angrily) that I either bring him or send him home. My freind laughed & rememberd when I told him STBX braught OW to the last drop off for the first time. So my friend said "two can play this game", do u want me to come w/ u? I thought about it and said sure what the heck! We went in his truck and STBX stayed in the car the entire time, unlike his small chit chat he quickly rushed out of there w/out even a hello to me..
After that its been threats of him not giving me my cs (before we went to court) emails w/ the same 'ol comment of my 'new family'. SO on this last drop off he told me not to bring my "BF" and threatning not to pay me.. he is so revengeful.
Ex and I arrived for our pre trial to settle one last issue- his 401k which he didnt want to give any of to me..
As the both of us walked side by side towards the judge's chambers he looked up @ me w/ the saddest face ive seen in along time..i was upbeat and trying hard not to show how I really felt. I could tell he was very nervous as he couldnt even sit down , I asked several times to sit down b/c he was making me nervous by standing. He showed me how hsi clothes are big and that he has lost 20 lbs due to me?? Says I was stressing HIM out..HA! Its the other way around buddy, but his only real stress isnt the D its the$ he has to part with.. I was trying to lighten up the mood by joking around and telling him, 'So r u ready to start this all over again ?...Getting married agian to her? As I was all smiles and laughing and making the motions of pulling in the tight leash that he knows his GF has him on... He said' your loving this arent you'? As he answered by repeating NO, NO! Then tells me he was planing not not going back to work afterwards.
As the judge quickly skimmed our old agreement he got frustrated and his face surely showed it as he said "this agreement was signed back in May of '07??" AHHHH.... i was loving it as the look on ex and his attorneys face dropped....b/c his attorney started the entire discussion by saying how I entered in a legal & binding settlement that I was now changing my mind on. when it was my turn to talk I explained how I felt pressured at the time from my ex to sign & how I did not have any legal repersentation and did nto not know I was waiving my rights away.
THe judge said he was going to go into his office until all three of us came to an agreement & that if we didnt agree right then & there that he would tear up the current agreement & we would start from scracth all over again! Another Ahhhhhh moment!!! Priceless.. the look on his face.......
His attorney said 'Ok we dont want to have to start all over again w/ attorney fees and more court dates do we'? No! he said. After barking a little bit he finally agreed to give me half.
I ran out of there as fast as I could felt my emotions cacthing up w/ me. I thought God I am really divorced!! I didnt want him to see the tears starting to come..
I had a feeling he was going to call me..just as my phone rang... I didnt feel like fighting b/c I knew he was angry about the 401K so when I answered I said dont yell @ me or else Im not talking to u. He said dont yell @ me were not married anymore as he called me ms----by my maiden name. He asked if I had left the parking lot already...(I was trying to hide my teary voice)...he was also teary! But when he realized Iwas crying he stopped and said dont cry....God I hope he doesnt think I was crying b/c I was hoping he would of backed out of the D....I told him I wuld let him go I couldnt talk then..
I had a good cry when I got home then I did shopping therapy.
To those recently divorced......when does this empty feeling go away???
Don't worry the worst IS over. I know that it took me a few days of grieving when the divorce finally hit, but I think that we do so much grieving beforehand, that this is more of an adjustment period than an "episode". I'm not saying that from time to time something won't trigger a memory and you won't feel down or weepy, because you will, and that's ok, even healthy.
I bet that the last couple of months the worry about your financial future has taken up most of your emotion. Now that that's settled, the getting used to actually being a divorced person takes over. Scary isn't it? Luckily for us, without all of the financial worries we can start to truly move forward.
So chicki it's ok to feel the sadness. If you're having a bad night come here so we can all give you the business and help you through it!
not there yet, (D wont' be filed til Jan 09) but sending hugs, it was a very hard day for you and you just need to take care of yourself, you've gone over the worst part, now comes the healing, pamper yourself a bit and make plans for your new life hon))))
Be not afraid...I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten Joel2
30something 2kids survivor of S, MLC, A, D I have peace in my heart, at last.
One of my girls asked that what does being divorced mean now, will daddy no longer be my dad? I said no, it just means that daddy can now marry his GF or anyone else he wants.
She said "Well, mommy I dont think he will marry her b/c your much prettier than her and thats why he married you".... Gosh, I can always count on my girls to make me feel good...
Will I ever learn? I wanted ex to know why the tears over the phone after court..I wanted him to know that I didnt have any false hope of him turning it around...I wanted him to know that I felt a little sting of hurt for the reality of it all.. Boy, am I glad I didnt tell him that.
He is sooo angry and bitter, he wont see any of that b/c hes head is so clouded right now..
He doesnt understand why I am getting ANY alimony which BTW I only asked for $100/mo for 3 yrs..Yeah not anything really. He says why should I get any of his retirement b/c I work too and I can save like him... I expalined alimony includes time off work for bearing children. The last two I was on bedrest from the start and then a hysterectomy... I told him I could have asked for more (but w/out an attorney I think I did fine by myself).
Why do these men think they can just walk away after 10yrs M and leave nothing? He says No, he's not bitter... I told how now I am finding myself again & that people who go from one relationship to the next w/out any down time only carry their promblems over instead fixing themselves first.
I'm glad I'm no longer losing myself for someone else.
I had lost myself in the role of wife and mother so much I forgot who I was...
His OW is in the exact same positon I was 10yrs ago... She is ten yrs younger than Ex & I, just baught her first house, has good credit & only one child of whom they can pawn off to her mother whenever they go on huneymoons to the islands...
Ex and I never got to go anywhere exotic or anywhere just the two of us b/c of the 3 kids....
But all is GOOD..GOD is good and I will be fine..heck been fine all this time.. I have worked on me and loving life once more.
Hi how is evryone? Nothing much here, just getting my papers ready to hire the attorney for my half of x's retirement. God knows how much I need it to get out of this hole of debts...
I picked up my girls last nite and OH! I just love it when I hear that its not all paradise w/ hsi GF!! Yippee.. the very first thing they all started to tell me was that daddy & her got into a huge fight & thats why they were @ their auntie's house. They said they were all upstairs and still could hear them fighting & then they went into the gargae to continue & the girls still could hear them. GF's daughter went down & when she returned told my girls (crying) that X was slapping her in the face and the daighter was saying that she was gonna call the police cuz that her mommy was the only one she had & what woudl she do if she were to die..... SO SAD.......
SO....X's anger issues continue & will be the same until he gets help...as I predicted.
The girls said daddy had taken his work clothes w/ him & said maybe they will not be living there in the next two weeks. Im sure X was only trying to scare GF by taking his clothes. I doubt he will leave or that she will let him go so easily... She is so needy I bet she will put up w/ him & he knows he can get away w/ it.
He is still living there for free, so why leave and have to split bills w/ a freind? I remember way back in the beginning X mentioned the only reason he was staying there was cuz he didnt have to pay her anything... Oh well...
Oh well...Im just living my life the best I can. Having second thoughts about my changing my last name, just mixed feelings.
Sounds as if "Daddy" sure painted himself into a corner didn't he? I don't mean to make fun of him because if really is sad. Look how many people he's taking down with him.
You on the other hand sound as if you see things for what they are. Just do the best job you can for you and you children. You'll never regret how you fought for them!
One of the girls said very excited, 'maybe daddy can move back in w/ us"!
I said NO! Your daddy needs to live alone for a while, he really needs God in his life.
He is such a control freak, on Friday after I dropped them off, 30 minutes later my D11 called me and he asked her why r we talking again since I just dropped them off!! UGh.... I told her she can call me anytime and dont feel scared or bad about it.
Its a shame she D11 esp. hates going over there, says GF daughter is real bossy & she cant say anything to daddy for fear he will get mad @ her and cuz the daughter watches them to see if the will be a "snitch". I explained they are free to tell their dad anything they want. They tell me this but X beleives they all get along and therefore I will not say anything to him anymore for he thinks I make it all up.
I guess kids never lose hope of their parents reuniting...
They said they were all upstairs and still could hear them fighting & then they went into the gargae to continue & the girls still could hear them. GF's daughter went down & when she returned told my girls (crying) that X was slapping her in the face and the daighter was saying that she was gonna call the police cuz that her mommy was the only one she had & what woudl she do if she were to die..... SO SAD.......
This isn't a healthy environment for your girls...or anyone!
If it were me I wouldn't subject my children to that.
SG
Survival Goddess "The most common way people give up their power is by thinking they don't have any." -Alice Walker
