Confidence It is the one common thread many allude throughout this BB and countless other places. So Question #1. Why is that? Why are confident people attractive?
I came back from Iraq at 49 in terrific shape, fresh from facing down incredible dangers, faced the question almost all American men do 'If in combat would I run?' and answered it. Yet I felt like only hiding. Why?
Because like others on this board the base which we based much of our confidence was ripped from under us.
So Question #2. How can one who's personal life is ripped (reguardless if they were the LBS or the WAS from an abusive sitch) get their confidence? What do you do to get that British stiff upper lip and look into the headwinds with a stoic demeanor and take care of the business at hand. (or like a USMC instructor screaming while putting a boot up your butt)
One solution suggested and I liked was to my flirting thread a. Fake till you make it. b. Act. If that is possible how does one go about that?
I have my own opinions but they are limited in scope where others here can provide a wide range of solutions. Note confidence or looking as such is only one of the building blocks but it could be close to the cornerstone.
In USMC RECON they teach. Look cool and if you screw up look cool while doing it. If you are lost how much of a target would you be walking around aimlessly or acting like you know what you are doing taking care of business? Think about it is not that similar to everyday life in the States?
"All I want is a weeks pay for a day's work" Steve Martin
says that looking people in the eye, smiling and asking leading questions (you know questions that show you were listening) all makes you appear confident
like in interviewing I think look them in the eye smile answer honestly without telling your whole life story be genuine
i like when everything is not all left up to me. After being on my own for so long and having to make all the decisions and do everything (even when I was in relationships) it is hard for me sometimes to allow someone else to do that.
i love when i get a kiss on the neck
the morning snuggle
taking the things I think are negative about myself and spinning them in a positive light
someone who reads is attractive and who is smart (yummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm)
who challenges me to think on a different level
someone who can disagree without thinking it is a fight
someone who is attracted to me but is also attracted to my other attributes
someone who is soft and hard at the same time like i like a guy who works on cars (siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiigh) then can come in and talk about something sweet and mushy (because I am not so sweet and mushy) i like them to bring that side of me out
People generally are attracted to what they cannot get. This fact is gender neutral. They think there is something really good for them.
In that manner I am attracted to the chase. If the prize is what the world considers a catch then it's donated.
What I consider attractive is not the same as the world as physical looks or personality. Since it is my criteria it is what counts to me. The objective is to have fun and limit the downside. The cycles of drama are there as any relationship but one can be objective and not drift with the currents of emotion but use them so all can enjoy. Honesty with your motives, freedom with your actions, Respect for others wants and needs helps a lot.
There are areas this behavior does not apply as some posters allude to but I do not frequent those areas simply the cost/benifits do not stack up. Turning an accountant into a rescue swimmer probably would not have sense but the rescue swimmer need to the accountant to get paid.
Now past all that mind boggiling noise if you see something you consider hot to you.
It is.
"All I want is a weeks pay for a day's work" Steve Martin
Based on an analysis of my past history - it appears that I subconsiously gravitate towards EE's with respect to R's of all types! LOL! All past BF's and The X were all electrical engineers - with the exception of one that was an environmental engineer - still an EE!
All my close male friends also EE's. My closest female friend is an EE - met her in college. Oddly enough and I did not plan this - both of my yoga teachers - one is a man and the other a woman - are also electrical engineers! I fell over when I found out that tidbit! I really just picked a yoga studio w/o even knowing anything about the teachers! There are lots of yoga studios in my area - these are the only two in the area that are EE's.
So I am a gEEk that likes to hang out with other gEEks! I am willing to wager - the next romantic interest will also be an EE! LOL!
I am going to have to start by helping myself to some large amount of crow...
You were so right about something - and I was so wrong! I know umimaginable, but true...
You have often posted about treating women in a manner that makes them feel good about themselves. I of course got up on my soapbox - secure women feel good about themselves - and all the rest of that well crap about being whole...
Anyhoo - as I was chiming in to validate KS Chicks post - when my phone rang....
I answered the phone and it was a man with a French accent. I had no idea who it was - and he said in this incredibly sexy voice with a French accent "ah so you do not remember me.... Me - I remember you."
Some background - about 1 1/2 years ago I had gone to a resort for a vacation. People that go to this place leave reality at the door. And for just a few days - no rules, no goals - just the freedom to let it all go. It was an island in the Caribean. I was laptopless - out of cell phone range - no Internet access. There were frozen drinks with umbrellas, music and dancing under the stars. What more could a girl ask for...
Well - perhaps an island romance?
I set my sights on a Frenchman that worked there and appeared to be quite the womanizer. He was utterly charming. He knew exactly what to say - and I knew he knew what to say to women - but for those few days - I allowed myself to positively swoon b/c nothing was real anyway - what was the harm of basking in an illusion for a few days.
And then I left the island - we exchanged addresses/phone numbers. Never really expected to hear from him again. And really the whole experience was part of the magical effect of being on the island. A part of me wanted to hear from him - never did - and that was that...
The voice on the phone was The Frenchman. He is no longer at The Resort. He started his own businesss in LA. And I know he is a womanizer. And I personally saw women melt when he talked to them. But once again - I couldn't help but be utterly charmed by him.
So the gEEk in me analyzed why?
He injected the following into the conversation:
(i) I have worked there for 20 years and as I was going through my things, I have only 4 people that I met that I remember. You are one of them. You are very special for me. This is a place where the staff are encouraged to interact with the guests and make them feel "special."(Okay - no eye rolling please)
(ii) I have thought of you at times since we met;
(iii) He ended the conversation giving me complete control. He said, you have caller ID no - so you have my number. Call me if you would like.
There were some other sentences - but he never ever made a single sexual innuendo. He did not make a single comment about my appearance. He did not even say he would call again. He left it completely up to me. I didn't feel pressured. I didn't feel like I needed to decide now - or that he would be hurt if I said no. In fact - he didn't even ask a question. He said he remembered me and was not in the least bit phased that when I answered the phone - I had no idea who he was...
So I post and post about all the things I am looking for in a man. And really - I haven't decided if I will call him. He really is not my type - he is an island romance - and the real world is a very different place. And perhaps I am ASSuming - but I saw the effect he had on women on the island and know he knows he has that effect on women. I suspect I am one of many women that reacts to him this way.
BUT I will tell you this - I have spent most of the morning walking around with the most ridiculous silly grin on my face.
What do women find attractive? I am a woman - and I have no freaking clue what women find attractive!
KS & AG We sell ourselves every day. To clients, to potential dates or relationships, to significant others.
KS what you state is a bunch of guys who could not sell ice to an Arab in Suadi or heaters in Canada.
1. You make the person you are selling yourself or a product feel like a rock star. AG your Frenchman knows this. 2. You (the salesman) may know it's about you but how you present yourself as it's about the customer. (see #1) 3. Everyone has a story to tell. The salesman needs to shut up and let the customer tell theirs. All he/she does is ask simple questions and sincerely be interested. KS it seems the folks you run into really fail here. 4. If one tells a story to the customer knowing how to be a storyteller is very important. Dr Seuss was a storyteller that could put anyone at ease.
Good comment KS. I could see why you are annoyed however if a man came up to you and flirted in a fun manner without looking to take you to bed how would you react? If you were the subject of the storyline and the main character would you feel more comfortable with the storyteller?
Good story AG. Sounds like your Frenchman does not have lines he has a personna and he lets you be in control. Us Guys including myself could take lessons. I think you hit on what many women find attractive.
"All I want is a weeks pay for a day's work" Steve Martin
Flirting in a fun manner is different than knowing me for 2 hours and saying I should come home with you. So flirting is ok. Sexual innuendos without even knowing my last name - no.
I guess I just feel like that is something that will take a while to get to - get to know me as a person first...ya know?
....Understand, that I can't, not be what I am I'm not the milk, and Cheerios in your spoon ~ Avril Lavigne ~ ..."Nobody's Fool"...
You had some spicy Lemonade. Love it 
I can't wrap my brain around that.
