Phil, I will cease posting to your situation. Please listen to Amyc, wifey, bnd, and Jack.
m-54 w-44 children-4 bomb-sept 21 2007 t-21 m-20yrs bomb-sept 23 2007 divorced but not giving up hope, not yethttp://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...rue#post1224023
1. If I loose my job I will not be able to refi the house. We are looking by the end of September.
2. If I attempt to refi the house she may turn into a tornado.
Really I have to do something or get off the chamberpot here.
Early today I texted her. I prefer life with you, mine is not going to stop since you left. There are details you and I need to talk about financials. In person in a calm manner. She asked like what. I said I do not want to discuss in text. Basically it comes down to one question. Do you want us and the kids to loose the house?
She said stop buying things, and I'm saving you money by not living there.
I text. I'm not buying anything. Talk to me. Not your girlfriend. You are not saving me money by being gone. Who is paying for your car, your insurance, and health insurance. Listen to yourself not other. Do you want to loose your house?
You are the one that bought a Jeep, a Wii and webkins.
Those are immaterial. The Wii and Webkins are bandaids to the kids. They are hurting. They want to do activities and we have been doing them. I needed a good vehicle for the kids.
I'm save u so much money by not living there. If we got by when I lived there u can surely do it now!
I'm not talking about his in text. The bills grew when you left.
Sorry, I ate lunch at (name of resturant)
For the record, that was her and I's first date at that resturant.
Yes, I'm doing everything wrong. She needs to answer the question. The chamberpot is overflowing.
Because if I loose my job, then Refi is not even an option and the same madness will continue until I get another job. I'm running out of options. I'm not doing any of this out of anger. I need to protect myself, my children, and my home. While she is in crazy land.
You see if I refi, she looses her house anyway. If she puts more of a finicial burden on me we and the kids loose the house. However she is trying to blame it on the fact that I'm spending money. She didn't bring up the fact that I spent 300 dollars on summer clothes for the kids.
It's all BS.
I should have not talked about any of this. I should have just did it. Nope I'm a big sissy!
Called insurance agent. Please send the paperwork to my home that way I can control how to present her with the information that she is being taken off the insurance.
She has to sign.
She wants this seperation. Then she needs to feel the seperation.
Stop for just a moment and read some other people's sitch's. Please. Look around at the pain. Stop thinking about this for a minute. Bring some compassion into your life. I'm reaching out to you Phil.
I'm just a flawed person that loves my h. All I want is to be his w. I'm failing at that miserably. That is why I can empathize with your feelings.
You are actually lucky to be able to feel anger, Phil. All I can feel is deep sorrow and regret and fear.
I'm suggesting that maybe, just maybe, you need to move beyond the anger. You need to have a bit of time to yourself to feel the other emotions, other than anger. You need to feel the sorrow without reacting in anger. You need to feel the regret without reacting in anger. You need to feel the fear without reacting in anger.
I think anger, like other things, can be a habit. This habit will only burn and hurt and stab and scar you, Phil. I'm really worried for you.
I want to see Phil be ok with Phil.
Me 45, H 46, S 23, M 26, Together 30, Bomb 6-2-08, S 6-19-08; H left 12-29-08. H home 12-09, Still MLC in 2012! Me- I have my big girl panties on. Bring it.
Phil, I wasn't on your list of posters but I am gonna anyway just because.
I just want to say that taking some of the actions that would occur through the onset of Divorce is one thing if done through the proper channels. To do these things on your own, may be a mistake.
My advice is seek legal counsel before you initiate any of these ideas that you have in mind and verify the legal ramifications in your state. Your refi on the house may be a bad idea if there is no legal separation yet.
Changing the locks may even be against the law. In some states it is not allowed and while a sherriff's deputy may say it's ok, he's not a lawyer and doesn't really know what will help or hurt you should divorce be on the horizon.
Be cautious as you start making these decisions Phil. You really need some legal advice if that is the path you choose to take.
My opinion on it all is that Jack is more on the ball than anyone right now. You have not heeded his advice yet, when are you actually going to do what the expert tells you to? Maybe before you go doing something crazy you should try listening instead.
I won't ask how you are doing today, as I have just got caught up with reading some of your latest posts and I can see for myself.
Totally off of the subject here, but I think you mentioned a few weeks back that you had some corn growing, how is that coming along? My own crop looks great and the kids are very excited about picking it.
Honey, all I can tell you right now is that I am worried about you. I don't believe it is necessary to try and make her deal with consequences and take her off of the insurance. She doesn't have much money as you know and doing things to get a reaction and make a point can often backfire in your face.
Phil, I know I have advised this before but please try to leave her alone. I know you love it when she touches down for a few minutes from her Mothership, but until her feet actually really touch the ground she is going to continue to make you unhappy.
I won't make excuses for her but I do know what I learned from my own experience with my Husband. Phil, the monsters in my head were way worse then the reality of the situation. Please let the monsters go to sleep and get a clear head.
From your writings here you are a very intelligent Man. You are also a Man who sees things as black and white. You are logical. You are analytical. Everything needs to make sense. That is why God's word works for you. Unfortunately Phil, in this situation, you are trying so hard to find logic in an illogical situation.
I want so much to see you succeed and to win back your family but we need to try a different course.
I know we all have a different method of doing things, and although I have said this before, I will say it again. Being still and taking a seat in the Refiner's fire is a good place to be. Let him minister to your pain and let Him do the work. Learn how to breathe through the pain and the frustration instead of reacting.
I am praying for you. Sending huge hugs ((((hugs))))
BND X
There can be no testimony without a test. I am praying to go through this test and come out the other end with a new and better marriage then before.
Simple as this. She dropped are son off. I was calm. She asked who was screaming it was the neighbor. I was on the back deck. I asked son what he wanted to do later. Son said he wanted to sleep over night with her though.
Son and I had a good time. I was so tired at 10:30 I fell asleep. Her and I texted where does he want to stay. I said he wants to be with you. Again that was the orginal plan.
I fell asleep.
She showed up. Was all crazy. Came storming in the house. I was calm. I took my son out to the car. Told him it's no problem he can play game tomorrow on the computer.
I kissed him.
I went around to other side. Daughter was her usual self. MIXMATCH clothes. She is like pippy longstockings. Two different socks, flip flops, wrist bands, etc... I said that is my girl, she is back. Wife laughed.
Wife game me a couple of bag of clothes said kids were complaining they had nothing here. BS. But they have been taking everything.
Only mistake I made. I asked wife to roll down window. I kissed her cheek.
I walked over to the steps on the sidewalk. I kneeled down and made the sign of the cross. I prayed. She pulled out.
I prayed....
I was calm while she was here. She said she called, I told her she didn't. I said sorry it must have been your manic phase.
Lord, bring my family home...
BND, I don't know where you have been. But your words really ring true. My core. I have about five stalks from virgin birdies. It's about five feet tall. I knew it was going to bear fruit because it was knee high before the fourth of July.
Someitmes I think this family is going to be ok. Phil isn't going to do anything. Sit in the fire and cook.
Phil's head is good right now. Phil is healthy. Doesn't feel down. Chemical free. Farm Fresh!
I'm not going to do anything crazy. I guess I just have to ride this out and try and make each interaction with her as positive as possible.
However I still do not see her returning. This is the third month of seperation. I don't see things improving from her end. She seems to be getting worse.
Someone is also messing with my wind chimes on the front porch. Every time I go out the porch I see one of the chimes ripped off.
To tell you the truth I thought it was the neighbor kids. But they were not home last night. I think she is pulling them off when she stops by. I was thinking about putting the webcam on it, but then I'm not going to drive myself crazy watching that thing.
I did that last summer. Waiting and watching for someone to throw rocks through my window again.
I think a lot of my pain is going away. I did break down last night while talking to a friend. My son was playing games on the laptop. He said I know dad you are sad about mommy.
When she did show up. She was wearing some hideous looking booty shorts. She still thinks she is 16.
She is playing the avoidance game. Yesterday I asked her if she wanted to loose the house. She wouldn't answer. I also wanted to setup a meeting to talk about financials. She is avoiding that also.
It is like she is in her own little world and does not want any responsibility. She just wants to throw excuse after excuse on the problem.
I also think I have indentified problems. When she says something I should know exactly what to say, but I do not. I only think of it hours later, because my head was so clouded before.
you are trying so hard to find logic in an illogical situation.
Yes, it is the square root of pi. It's a conundrum wrapped in paradox surrounded by an Enigma. -says the Riddler.
There is no logic to it. Maybe I need to turn the ties so she can not bait me. What are you going to do with the porch.
I don't know, and just left it at that. Maybe I should just use plenty of I don't knows and maybes.
What time can you be there to pick up the kids. I would say when I get there. Now I should just say I don't know and leave it at that.
Quote:
From your writings here you are a very intelligent Man.
Intelligence is getting me no where with her, but thank you. I think you are a very smart lady. Someday we should eat crumpets at a posh resturant, perhaps in Europe.
