Give it to Mikey He'll Eat It, He'll Eat Anything

[Arthur]

Mike - Forgive me if I'm wrong here, but have we not been on this a similar time ? So like only 6 months ?

Given the knowledge that you've said to others etc about what a WAW says or does and what it really means, does this not feel to soon for you ?

Maybe it's just me and you've detached big style and I'm glad your happy. Not trying to change what you feel, your living it daily and I know I wouldn't want anyone in my spot, just interested buddy.

Will check out the snaps tonight hopefully

[ernest88]

Forgive me if I'm wrong here, but have we not been on this a similar time ? So like only 6 months ?

yes, you are correct.

Arthur, there is nothing you can say to me that would piss me off. You do not have to walk on eggshells with me. You can say or post what you want on my thread..this is for your info. You will not offend me. EVERYBODY POST WHAT YOU WANT..IT IS OK.

Given the knowledge that you've said to others etc about what a WAW says or does and what it really means, does this not feel to soon for you ?

I'm just paying forward what I've learned Arthur as it was taught to me. Even though I'm done with this M it does not mean that I still don't have things to learn. That's why I'm still here. That's why I'm still at my house with my STBX. I don't run. I'm not walking away. I have not pushed it forward, I have not stopped it, I have not slowed it down.

I registered on this site on 3/18. I lurked here for about 2 weeks before I posted. I started making changes just after Xmas 07..so yes, about 5 months is how long I've been here. 7 months since I started making changes on my own.

Arthur-I've always felt that I was one of the ones that MWD refers to in her book. She says that there are times when you start this too late that the WA would not change their mind no matter what and D is inevitable. So if that is the case with me then I would assume that my STBX is not a WAW in the true since of the WAW..She does many things that a WA does and says..but it appears she has never been swayed.

Her actions were to keep things civil.

Ping's W's actions were the same.

Question for the LBS-how long do you wait?? How long do you wait for them to get their "stuff" worked out?

Another problem that developes in these sitches..family lines are drawn..my family, her family..all are uncomfortable now..just more problems..

I don't think that you have ever heard me say when someone has uttered the words, "I'm done", ....hang in there...When someone tells me their done then I believe their done.

I say if you want to wait and hang in there and try for as long as you can then I say, "good on you" you try until you can't try anymore..but if you say "I'm done" then I say, "good on you"..go be happy...cause god knows

we have all been miserable, we've all been unhappy. It has sucked one big gargantunin wee wee...you can't be sad forever, you can't pine forever..

you can't get stuck..

Now, you all may lay waste upon my forehead if you like. Swing hard..the scar tissue is pretty thick from my buddy Ian.

[Racefan]

Very well said my friend. There is a time for everything, and only that person knows for sure when that time is. DBing is not a science it is more of a practice, a game plan in which to apply for ones self.

Good on you

Brian

[Arthur]

Nice post Mike. I ask as it helps with me, especially as we've been on this journey pretty much together from the off.

I understand what you are saying re no responses from your W, but for a while there, you felt you were making progress no ? Then decided it was all a show prior to the getting the dogs ? I think your W was slipping back in and is now back to justifying her actions, I think she will crumble into a big heap when your gone.

I totally understand where your at tho sir, I may be there myself sooner than I think, but I'm hanging in longer for my boys sake and future (no guilt trip meant there at all BTW, just me). I'm putting myself through more than I believe I should for my boys.

[KenF]

Mike,
good on you.

I think what Arthur is feeling is that if someone like you, who has been so helpful to myself and i'm sure others, is Done, then what about us?

plus, if you're Done, will we be losing you? I personally hope not.

But Arthur, Mike is Mike, his STBX is who she is. That has no bearing on Arthur, or one of the many Kens. Dont gauge yourself by Mike.

There will always be a time when you have to ask yourself, When is enough? right now I feel that daily, but I'm not ready yet. I still need to fight more, still need to get healthy and keep going. But someday I will need to make that decision. and I'm not looking forward to it.

but Mike, keep up the good work, and thanks again for all you've helped me with.

[sofaraway]

First of all Arthur, no one can tell you when you are done. YOU will know.

Mike says he is done. Today I believe him. Who knows what tomorrow will bring.

The bottom line is we are here to support each other. I questioned Mike when he said he was done and he answered all of the questions to a point where I understand his stance. I support him in what he is doing now.

If Mike changes his mind tomorrow and decides to stand for longer, I will support him in that as well. It is not for anyone to judge, we can help along the way whatever path our frineds on here choose to travel.

Now Mike, the only thing I will say to you is I would expect this to be your last thread in Newcomers. You have a new home waiting for you in Surviving and we will welcome you with open arms.

You know from the past that the road you have chosen is not without it's ups and down. It is not without pain and sadness. It is not without the need for opinions and advice from those walking in your same shoes. So come on over and meet the gang.......


By the way, just a small piec of wood for you... Do not ever use the distancing of the families as a reason. Marriage is a commitment between two individuals and your family would support you no matter what the decision or you would tell them to blow you.....


Ian

[ernest88]

I ask as it helps with me, especially as we've been on this journey pretty much together from the off.

Mine should have no bearing on yours.

but for a while there, you felt you were making progress no ?

Yes, I thought there was progress. My hopes were high.

Then decided it was all a show prior to the getting the dogs ?

I was told, by her, the night before the 1st mediation that her mind was not changed. She said this herself, to me, looked me in the eye when she said it.

I think your W was slipping back in and is now back to justifying her actions

I don't know that for sure one way or another. I can tell you this. She was very upset this Saturday, the day of my son's wedding. She was upset because she was not included. She missed out on her D's first wedding as a flower girl. On that day she told me I was the cause of all that has happened, I was the cause of her depression and weight gain. I was a chitty father, my character sucked. I was no longer welcome to eat the food in that house, the food was not for me. I was told I was to stop acting like I was single!!! She takes no responsibility, she takes no accountability and never has, she never will.

No guilt trip Arthur,, I know it's not. My D will be taken care of my STBX is a good mother, she's just a WAW/done W.

[ernest88]

Now Mike, the only thing I will say to you is I would expect this to be your last thread in Newcomers. You have a new home waiting for you in Surviving and we will welcome you with open arms.

I understand all this Ian.

I've been comtemplating the move over there but had thought that I would wait until it was over before but can see your POV and see why I should go ahead and make the move.

You know from the past that the road you have chosen is not without it's ups and down. It is not without pain and sadness. It is not without the need for opinions and advice from those walking in your same shoes. So come on over and meet the gang.......

I know. I know. I hate to say it but I know. Ya better be first cause I'm bringing moonshine!!

By the way, just a small piec of wood for you... Do not ever use the distancing of the families as a reason. Marriage is a commitment between two individuals and your family would support you no matter what the decision or you would tell them to blow you

you are right mine would support me. Hers would not and she's made it clear she would not tell them to blow her.

[ernest88]

I think what Arthur is feeling is that if someone like you, who has been so helpful to myself and i'm sure others, is Done, then what about us?

What about you. You keep going. You don't give up. You'll know when, your heart will tell you when.

plus, if you're Done, will we be losing you?

no brother I'm not lost. I've found me.

STBX helped me find me...the sitch helped me find me..you guys helped me find me. The C helped me find me.

good on me

and good on you.

[KenF]

I'm still going M. Not ready to stop yet, just getting started on detaching and healing myself. I do struggle with it, of course, I ask myself that each day but, for now, I need to push it down. There are moments of each day I want to stop, i want to throw her out, i want to rage. but none of that will help me heal, and thats priority number 1 for me.