I Always Admired the Cut of his Jib

[StrgMarvelousWmn]

awe, I really appreciate you thinking so much of me to try and wait till I posted! I feel so important!

ST, I REALLY value your input, so I was hoping for it before it was sent. You are importatn, to me and many others on this forum--not counting how valuable you are to yur family. Do not ever doubt that!

I think it was a nice email. I also think it was good that you waited. Although I was in agreement that you could have sent an email w/o him sending one first, I think it was best that you waited, so it wasn't like you were just waiting and waiting on his first email.

I had prayed with a friend about the email earlier in the afternoon--about my timing for sending one, if he did not, and what to say when I did email him.

The only thing I would have said was about calling him 'hon'. Is that something you both do right now normally? Most the time, during the sitch, we all refrain from all the nicknames/ILYs and stuff so it keeps the WAS from any more guilt or pressure. But if this is something you guys have been doing, then it's probably not a big deal.

Saying "Hon" is an endearment that I have not been able to break out of. When I say it around the house when he is here, though, he does not seem to be bothered by it and responds to it as soon as I say it.

hey, and don't hesitate to act excited in your emails about how things are at home and what your doing. Make your life sound fun and interesting, like it is!

I wanted to ask you about this. I know I am "acting as if", so should I be chit chatty about the things I am doing around the house? Should I tell him about the sewing, the yard work, etc, or should I just let him see it when he gets home? I guess it does show him that we are keeping busy while he is gone, but then again, might he take that as we can live without him? That has me a little confused as to how I should handle that stuff.

You know, I truly believe God is bringing you guys back together,

Hope this is going from your mouth to God's ear to my husband's heart!!

I do know that even though your D has a lot of built up anger, she is going to see you, and see how you are dealing with this and when you guys are back together, it's going to take time, but your attitude and choices are going to make your D build her R with her dad much easier and she's going to take away a good lesson from this.

I am hoping all of my children will learn the value of honoring a commitment. I am also hoping that the girls see me as acting with dignity and self-respect, even in the face of a crisis. S2 is little and I am hopeful that he and D5 will have few memories of this time, remembering only that Daddy has to be at work and gone.

have a wonderful night, and I'm glad you finally got your email! He's probably feeling apprehensive about contact you anyways. He's still messed up in the head right now...obviously from the amount of calls he makes to the OW...but that will end. It will take a long time, unfortunately, but it will end. and you WILL learn patience. I'm still learning though!

I was sooo excited when I opened that email. I cannot even begin to explain how excited I was. I am no longer praying for patience, I am instead thanking God for the patience I am developing every day with his guidance. Hopefully, he will stop sending me so many tests!!! As for the OW, I pray nightly for the Lord to build a Hedge of Thorns between them, for her to find the self-respect and self-esteem to realize that there is someone out there who is free to give her the love she deserves in life, not to continue to pursue a married man that she can never really have.

SMW

[StrgMarvelousWmn]

OH,

what is up with this present?????!!!!

you haven't opened it yet?? If your H put in a lot of thought, I would think he would have felt pretty bad about you not opening it. Why not open it sometime while he is gone? or what are you thinking on that?

I don't know what it is, but I guess I am wondering why he went through the trouble, if supposedly he does not love me. I know it is heavy--and D16 knows what it is, as she had to put it all back in the gift bag when S2 ripped it apart. She stapled the top shut after that to keep the little kids out.

I guess I am looking for a glimmer of hope here. It was New Year's Day when he bought it. He really had to go looking to find Valentine's Day things. Did he put a lot of thought into it? He did make a comment, that day, when he was telling me not to peek before Valentine's Day, about how hard it was to find things. I guess I want that gift to be some kind of confirmation taht yes, he DOES love me, even though he does not realize it right now. I also guess I am hinging an awful lot on a gift bag. SIGH I do not know what to do about it.

Also, I was thinking on your comment on the 5LLs about what he does for you. Mine is Words of Aff.. but I don't do that. I do more touching, or service. I'm not sure why this is, but I really yearn for my H to say nice things about me, but I don't get that. He does more service I think, and I don't really care about that so much. Perhaps it's the things I DON'T get, that I want, and what I DO get, I'm taking for granted? Just a thought. What do you do for your H as love, but what do you like to receive? is it the same? I know the book said that you usually give what you want to receive, but I think I'm backwards.

Well, I FINALLY bothered to do the 5LL quiz. One question I could not honestly pick between the two choices, so opted for a half point for each one. My totals were:

Words of Affirmation: 8.5
Quality Time: 7
Receiving Gifts: 3
Acts of Service: 3
Physical Touch: 8.5

So, for all intents and purposes, I am bi-lingual and speaking a third pretty fluently, LOL.

Now, what do (or did) I typically do to show H that I love him--

Praise him and speak positively about all that he does and has accomplished and I have always loved to leave him cheery messages on his phone, as well as send cards that reflected how I feel; buy him little things to show him I am thinking about him when we are apart (he used to say I sent the BEST care packages during deployments); and, finally, we would exchange kisses and hugs freely whenever we were together, as well as just those little strokes across the arm or shoulder when sitting together, holding hands in the car, etc.

SO, I guess I was giving my love languages to him, but I have to be honest, he was always very receptive to them so I do not know if these are his LL or if I have been missing something. Obviously, right now, he is not going to take the quiz for me, either. I am thinking I could start back doing all the things I used to do before we moved to MI, when things were still really good between us. What do you think?

SMW

[StrgMarvelousWmn]

oh, and I remember my H wanting us to buy a fish tank (and we did) and a shed, and I think some other big item when he was in the PA. and I remember saying to him, why on earth would you want to buy this fish tank and stuff when your wanting a D?

So I really think the farther into the A they get, the more they feel that their R with us is broken and irreparable. I think it's almost like they try to live the 2 lives because they don't want to lose either one, because they have to make sure of what they're doing, and they really don't know what they're doing anyways, and it's almost as if they have split personalities or something.

I do know that H has not said anything further about a D since shortly after he left. I do not think he has said anything to his parents, either, otherwise, why would my FIL feel like the deployment will pull H back to being himself, and to me and our family.

Because of residency requirements and the restrictions on legal actions by military members prior to and immediately after deployment, H cannot really start anything before next summer. Added to that, he has flat out said in MC that he realizes that a D would be a long, drawn out, complicated process--taking at least two to three years and made more complicated by the financial issues involved--we have a lot of debt that would have to be resolved to free up the money to pursue a D. Time IS on my side, and I do realize that. I think that is why I was able to progress out of panic mode so easily.

I have also got to see how Satan will start to mess with you when things are showing positives. I had posted this on one of Neil's threads last week--tell me what you think, okay?

I havea theory, if you do not have a problem with religious references. The devil ALWAYS steps up his efforts when he sees signs of progress in the right direction. The mind meanies kick in, the negative actions become harder to fight, and the urge to confront and attack is harder to tamp down.

Let me give you an example. While there has not been major progress in my sitch, their have been a few positives lately. In addition, my personal life--GAL, detachment, and unconditional love have REALLY stepped up and over the plate. Well, out of the blue, with no outside input, I got hit with a major negative thought yesterday. I was driving to the store, listening to praise music, when the thought came into my mind that if my H proceeds with a divorce, my D16 would be left without medical insurance. She is his stepdaughter and in the instance of a divorce, the military would not allow her to remain on his insurance. I hit a major panic and started to get tight feelings in my chest. I knew to pull it in and not go down that cheeseless tunnel, as it would get me nowhere. Instead, I started praying for my H's salvation, his return to God, and restoration of my family. It is hard to not let the bad thoughts to take over--it is another challenge we have to face on top of the spew we are getting from our spouses.

I want some ice cream. I will be back later.

SMW

[Neilh23]

what kind of ice cream did oyu get?

[StrgMarvelousWmn]

Neapolitan, with Dark fudge on top!

SMW

[Neilh23]

LOl. i had peanut butter cup

[StrgMarvelousWmn]

OOOHHHH I like those, too. I am trying to stay away from candy right now. I can get a little carried away. Ice cream I can control, as I am lactose intolerant and if I eat more than a scoop, I will totally regret it later. I will definitely need to walk after the past couple of days. I have been snacking indiscriminately.

SMW

[sgctxok]

I wanted ice cream too....and my D said no because I didn't work out today. But tomorrow...DEFINITELY...because it's run and yoga...so that means ice cream.

[StrgMarvelousWmn]

Just received email number two from H. I guess he is really going for the "lets be friends" concept. It is again chatty about work and what his day to day is like. He answered each one of the kids individually, too. I am tempted to post the email here, to get ya'll's opinion of how to respond. I am thinking that I can get into a little more detail about what I am doing, though. Should I post it?

SMW

[poet]

Hi Sad,

First, I wanted to thank you for you comments on my thread. I was pretty bad off last night. I'm glad you're doing better with you H. An email is a good sign, especially if he says he wants to be friends. Watch his actions and go with your gut.

As far as posting the email, I'm not one to give you that advice, but I know I probably would. That's just me tho. Go with your gut!

hugs,
s