Naej: Don't ever sell yourself short. When we met - I knew you were one of the kindest, most hospitable friend I'd ever met. Only sorry it lasted such a short time. I'm glad you met my daughter too, though.
Just saying hi - not sure if you're in my neighborhood or not. Anyway, I have a labyrinth nearby that I've walked, gone up to Grace Cathedral in the city too.
And, I have a peach tree! It's about 9 feet tall now and is so full of peaches this year that the whole thing is bending over - it's like a charlie brown peach tree. I've been eating them on my cereal. Unfortunately they bruise and turn brown extraordinarily fast so many of them aren't getting eaten.
SG Love your post--You are one smart cookie. One smart peach cookie.
Like you I worked and was a SAHM, my ex and I decided he had the career, hey, what can I say, he was smarter and a college grad. Some people are born with a few more brain cells, dosnt mean others who arent are not worthy, we do the best we can! LOL
I think working and having the kids has got to be the most exhausting, there is NO punching out at the end of the day, what end of the day?? It takes a lot of different people to make the world go 'round, thank goodness for all of them! the SAHM ( like my mommy Ü) some half/halfers lol and career women ( and men) to each his own. All have pros and cons.
When my ex left, I was scared as I had been out of the full time work field for so long, THINKING I was doing the right thing, had a few episodes of " crapola what have I done to myself??" who knew tho?? You do your best, you work in retail or go back to school or flip burgers or drive a truck.
I admire you going back to school tho, thats so awesome, I dont think I have it in me, so really admire those who do!
Good Luck w/ FG! what a cool job!!!
Be Happy for this Moment, This Moment is your Life
Blaming SAHMs for not having career success while being thrust into it at midlife is the same as blaming the victim of a crime. I for one have done the best I possibly could have done with my life and circumstances. I fully expected to be making a decent salary at this point, but it is not happening.
As I am re-connecting with my Indian heritage, my Indian values are resonating in my posts. As I posted to FLTC, the values associated with my heritage have no place on this BB. Part of why I am leaving the BB. I have decided that socializing with people of my own heritage is a better fit for me.
That whole integrated AG was much nicer wasn't it? Well - after I am gone - you will have a nice BB with very nice uniform Western values again.
Since I am getting a little tired of blending in - how about I thrust the entire history of my Indian family right at you.
My mother had 9 brothers and sisters. All of them were required to earn at least a masters before they got M in a field that enabled them to earn a living. Most of them have Ph.D's. I think two of them are Fulbright scholars. This is a group generation that ranges in age from 65-85. Most of them came here and went to Ivy Leagues schools here. Education is everything. We save money for education first - everything else is a lesser priority. And they achieved this in British India - colonial rule does make things a little more difficult.
I know the West looks down on and mocks our system of arranged M's. However - it works for many in my culture. All of the men M women with the education and ability to earn a living that can sustain a family before they got M. My uncle wanted to M someone that would be a stay at home wife - not some woman that would go to school and challenge him too much. My grandmother told him - he would have to find his own W if those were his standards. My mother slacked off while working on her Masters - my grandfather pulled her aside and told her that if she thought he would arrange her M so she could get out of finishing her degree - it was not going to happen.
My generation - 18 cousins on my mother's side - all of us have a minimum of a masters. Many of us are at least engineers - that includes 3 women. All the men in our family M women that are professionals and have the ability to earn a living on par with their H's.
My father grew up in Bangladesh and his family lost everything during the British partion of India. He had 8 siblings. That interfered with the education thing b/c they left everything behind as they ran for their lives. My father - could probably write a book about the lengths he went to come to this country to get an education. He has a Ph.d in civil engineering.
My father paid for every single one of my cousins on my father's side of the family to go to college in India. I have 18 paternal first cousins - yes very symmetrical. They all have a minimum of a masters - both men and women b/c once again we are required to go to school for an eduction to learn something that we can use to earn a living. All of them are M to P's with comparable income capacity.
When I was growing up - I was not allowed to date. We were never out of the house past 6 pm - yes that is right 6 pm until I left for college. I was not required to do chores. The only thing my family demanded of me was excelling in school. I started staying up nights to study for finals when I was 13. I partied and had fun - did the whole Western drinking and sex thing - but I never ever lost sight of my primary goal.
As for me - I fully intend to carry on my family's tradition. My priority post D was not finding an R. It was financially stabilizing myself. Once again - that would be an Indian thing...
And while in our social gatherings - we do not go on endlessly about boobs and nuts. If you ever decide to go to India - you will see huge billboards everywhere promoting safe sex through condom use.
I will reserve these conversations for folks of my own heritage.
Thank you for your post. It validated my decision to limit my non-Indian social circle to overachievers only.
Thank you for your post. It validated my decision to limit my non-Indian social circle to overachievers only.
Regards, AG
Wow. I could not believe my eyes when I read this post. And this last sentence is a zinger. So you won't hang out with non-Indians unless they're overachievers? What a concept. What comes next...separating the underachievers from the overachievers and having separate communities for them? Hmmm, isn't that the same as segregation?
Let me tell you something...having a degree or several degrees doesn't make someone "smarter" than someone who doesn't. I have a degree and my BF since third grade doesn't. In fact, she didn't graduate high school. She did get her GED though. And I'm sure in your eyes that makes her an underachiever. Maybe there are other things that you would say about her b/c of that. She is one of the smartest, most sincere and loyal people you'd ever want to meet. Her compassion for people regardless of race, religion or heritage is amazing. A lot of people should be more like her.
As for the West (that would be me) mocking arranged marriages, well, I never gave it much thought. Still don't. Who cares? If someone wants to enter a M that way, it's up to them. I don't look down on it. I have my own problems. The same way I don't care if someone marries outside their race or religion. Who cares? Isn't being happy what counts?
I have several Indian acquaintances who would be flabbergasted to read your posts about your heritage and your lofty feelings of self-importance. One of them is a doctor and she is the sweetest person. She was widowed early and has put her three children through college, all at Ivy League schools. She works hard and there is no way she looks down on anyone if they don't have a degree to match hers.
And you seem to put down the West and the Western way of doing things, yet you say you had fun and did the whole Western drinking and sex thing. You hung out with the rich bunco wives and talk about them behind their backs. Why hang with them in the first place?
Good luck with your self-imposed limits on your social life. Maybe you'll find the peace and solace you're looking for in the circle of people you choose of your heritage. I'm glad I didn't do that. I would have missed out on some truly wonderful friendships if I limited my social circle to people of my own heritage. There's a rich melting pot of cultures out there and I've had fun getting to know about those cultures and making friends of many different ethnic backgrounds over the course of my life. How lucky am I?
I just have to say that I'm gobsmacked (not a very intelligent word, I'm thinkin') at what AG has stated here.
SG & SE, I applaud both of you. I worked full time and went to college while my D was young. This would have been impossible if my X hadn't owned his own business and could set his own hours. When she got involved in sports (3rd grade) I am proud to admit that I was the only Mom who made every sporting event she participated in until she graduated!!! "She" was my priority.
Also, if I'd had someone to pay my way (like AG did), I easily could've become a full time student for years on end. I loved college and did very well there. I didn't have that luxury. I was not smart enough to have my career stabilized before I had children. Ya know, sometimes they just come when you're not planning for them. But......I wouldn't change a single thing about my life.
I'm happy right where I am and AG is obviously full of angst on a daily basis. AG, you seem to thrive on pissing people off indirectly. So go already, huh? Hang out with your own kind and leave us underly ambitious, foul mouthed heathens to fend for ourselves. I was OK with you posting about your angst on your own thread and just ignored it but now you've taken to posting everywnere and it's more difficult to ignore. This is ridiculous.....
I just have to say that I'm gobsmacked (not a very intelligent word, I'm thinkin') at what AG has stated here.
SG & SE, I applaud both of you.
Thank you. Thank you very much. (That's my best Elvis.)
I worked full time and went to college while my D was young. This would have been impossible if my X hadn't owned his own business and could set his own hours. When she got involved in sports (3rd grade) I am proud to admit that I was the only Mom who made every sporting event she participated in until she graduated!!! "She" was my priority.
Good for you. I also worked and had 3 kids in under 3 1/2 yrs. I was and still am an awesome mom. Does that make me my hero?
Also, if I'd had someone to pay my way (like AG did), I easily could've become a full time student for years on end. I loved college and did very well there. I didn't have that luxury. I was not smart enough to have my career stabilized before I had children. Ya know, sometimes they just come when you're not planning for them. But......I wouldn't change a single thing about my life.
I feel the same way as you. It sure would be nice to have someone pay for college. Unfortunately not everyone has that option. I wonder what AG would have done had she been born into a less privileged family? There are lots of those kinds of families in every ethnic group.
I'm happy right where I am and AG is obviously full of angst on a daily basis. AG, you seem to thrive on pissing people off indirectly. So go already, huh? Hang out with your own kind and leave us underly ambitious, foul mouthed heathens to fend for ourselves.
Is that what we are? lol
I was OK with you posting about your angst on your own thread and just ignored it but now you've taken to posting everywnere and it's more difficult to ignore. This is ridiculous.....
Sorry about not being smart enough to know how to make all your comments into quotes, Jill. But to console myself I'm going to go gaze into the mirror and admire myself.
As I posted to FLTC, the values associated with my heritage have no place on this BB.
Huh? (scratching head)
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Part of why I am leaving the BB.
again Huh? b/c you keep saying, but you are still here.
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how about I thrust the entire history of my Indian family right at you.
Um But, what does this have to do with SG's beautiful peach tree?
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I know the West looks down on and mocks our system of arranged M's. However - it works for many in my culture. All of the men M women with the education and ability to earn a living that can sustain a family before they got M. My uncle wanted to M someone that would be a stay at home wife - not some woman that would go to school and challenge him too much. My grandmother told him - he would have to find his own W if those were his standards. My mother slacked off while working on her Masters - my grandfather pulled her aside and told her that if she thought he would arrange her M so she could get out of finishing her degree - it was not going to happen.
The West, as in everyone? Good grief, I haven't heard one person on this BB ever say anything against arranged marriages, or the like.
I think we all would agree that an education is wonderful.
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My father grew up in Bangladesh and his family lost everything during the British partion of India. He had 8 siblings. That interfered with the education thing b/c they left everything behind as they ran for their lives. My father - could probably write a book about the lengths he went to come to this country to get an education. He has a Ph.d in civil engineering.
Well I think a book can be written about my wonderful father. A cuban political prisoner that escaped cuba and swam 90 miles in shark infested waters(while pushing my brother in a small raft)So that my brother and my dad can come to a country where my dad can speak his mind and not be arrested or killed for it.
My mom didn't have to escape thank God, she was allowed a pass, and guess what, she came with 7 boys, that later her and my father adopted. So I grew up in a house of 10 kids.
And my CULTURE is something I am so very proud of, and understand in parts where you are coming from. But to say that I will only associate with Cubans, that are educated seems like nothing that my wonderful culture has taught me.
To look down my nose at others would be disresctful to my family at best. I am sure it would be to your heritage also.
One of my best friends is from a beautiful Indian Culture and she would probably cry from reading what you wrote.
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When I was growing up - I was not allowed to date. We were never out of the house past 6 pm - yes that is right 6 pm until I left for college. I was not required to do chores. The only thing my family demanded of me was excelling in school. I started staying up nights to study for finals when I was 13.
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Hmm, again me neither, I went from my parents house to my x husbands and I home.
B/c this is the way I was also raised in my culture. I would neve look down on others that were not raised this way. We all have something to contribute.
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did the whole Western drinking and sex thing -
Hmm funny, I didn't. And b/c I could not come home afterwards and look at my parents in the face. You know b/c they did so much to come to this country and all, and I would not want to disrespect them in that way.
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As for me - I fully intend to carry on my family's tradition.
Which traditon would that be, looking down your nose at others? and hiding behind an Indian culture that you portray in your own certain way? Twist around to best suit you and your stepping on others?
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My priority post D was not finding an R. It was financially stabilizing myself. Once again - that would be an Indian thing...
An Indian thing? OMG. I think now I see that you say and do these things for the attention you are getting. HOpe those millionare.com guys know about that Indian Thang!
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I will reserve these conversations for folks of my own heritage.
Please do, b/c the hurt you display here to people of all walks of life is competely disrespectful
Last edited by Lissie; 07/23/0801:48 PM.
Live Simply Love Generously Care Deeply Speak Kindly Leave the rest to God
AG: I stopped posting to you a long time ago when it became apparent that you were the most unhappy, self centered bitch around. I've listened to years of your whining. You USED to have friends on the bb. Now you latch ont anyone who will post to you and use them till you piss them off (which you have done to everyone). You have no friends in real life or here. You have no life. For such a successful lawyer - you spend a hell of a lot of time writing on a divorce board for a marriage that only lasted 5 years. You've spent longer than that carrying on about it. You put every person here down when in fact - the good people here have much more of a life than you and have worked hard to achieve it. In fact - I think that makes THEM the over achievers - not you!
You put down the Westerners so I guess that includes me - a non- American. But when has anyone here refused to associate with others because of social or culteral differences? I don't know if anyone is black or white or yellow or blue (except Smurfs - LOL) - it doesn't matter. We all came here as a result of a devestation and we have helped each other. Who cares what is going on tday as opposed to yesterday. Things change. People evolve. Rules change. The one thing that hasn't is you as far as moving forward. You still talk about getting a R. You make no serious effort. About adoption. Not much action there these days. You wallow in your own self-pity but turn it back on everyone else. Now to pull your "heritage" card is beyond ridiculous. Do I make excuses for myself because I am Canadian? r does Lissie because she is Cuban? Gosh, no, we are proud of our heritage but surely don't limit ourselves to our "own kind". But then - as I recall - after you were done socializing with some of us at DB get togethers a few years back, suddenly we were all BAD. Horrible people. Not sure when you rewrote history. How many of these people do you stay in touch with today? Most run far and fast from you. Wonder why?
You are caustic and bitter. You love to hear yourself talk. You drone on endlessly about your angst yet tell us how happy you are. You are one sad individual. But why do I write this - you THRIVE on the attention. That is why I hold back as much as I do. And also because you are not worth it.
The people who need serious help the most are usually the last to recognize it. Since you have a lousy R with your family (yes, we remember how you didn't want to help with holiday meals etc) - and have no friends except the Desperate housewives you mock behind their backs - your imaginary friends won't tell you the truth about how nuts you really are.
My sis and I were talking last year after you took shots at both her and myself (hell, we don't believe we're special - you have done this to hundreds of DBers) - you were saying your goodbyes then. How long does it take to leave. You change your mind as often as I change my clothes.
You were leaving when I left to come here. You're still here! You were leaving last year. And the year before. You are still here! Sounds like an addiction to me.
This bb will go on quite happily without you. You do not provide anything positive. And that is what we all need.
Let us go on our merry little ways. And we will talk about our peach trees and our lemonade stands, our families and our new Rs or how to get there. Our dillemmas and our solutions. Why not go back to India since you are obviously out of your element here?
What a waste of board space I have just taken up. But I am appalled at what you have done to SG and the rest of the good people here.
