This morning I was admiring a peach tree in my back yard. It is now about 7 feet tall!
When it first emerged, I had no idea what it was. My yard gets rather jungle-y at times and I am always forgetting what I planted and when. But then, a friend came over and said, "Wow, I didn't know you had a peach!" and I remembered the story.
A few years ago I was enjoying the most delicious peach ever! It must have been in the summer, because I only eat peaches when they are in season. I am pretty sure I got this one from Farmer's Market. Well, the pit inside had split, and had a tiny sprout growing from it. I remember thinking hard about where to put it, and then planted it. I think that was 2 or 3 summers ago.
Well, now it is over 6 feet tall! No peaches this year, but I bet I get some next year...
This made me think of the unexpected surprises we get when we work on ourselves and GAL. You never know what will happen in this life. None of us here wanted to get D. But here we are. If you focus on yourself and take baby steps eventually you might end up with a peach tree! Or as our friend Barbie Doll likes to say, Lemonade!
Tomorrow I am going to a workshop for women entrepreneurs. I hope that I can really get a good foundation for when I start my own business. I decided that I need to learn more about it and do it "right" rather than just jumping in, willy-nilly.
I have an interesting prospect on e-Harmony. First live bite! I will keep you posted. After my experience w/ CG I am a little wary, but I am happy to meet new people, as always.
So I am hoping for everyone here a day filled with peace and positivity.
SG
Survival Goddess "The most common way people give up their power is by thinking they don't have any." -Alice Walker
Wow Survival that's wonderful about your peach tree. I would be thrilled to discover that.
Makes you think how amazing life is and the instinct to survive,sometimes even against our own desires.
I see me after my H left dried up and shrivelled,I literally lost the will to live and aged so much.I lay dormant,in the dark then slowly through the love and nuturing of my children and others I started to live (grow) again. I am certainly no peach but I do feel like I blossomed. Lol.
Funny I was at a function just the other day and saw people I haven,t seen since the late 90's they couldn't believe how well and young I looked,one even asked another colleague if I'd had work! If she'd have asked me I'd have told her to see the optician! I hope your first fruit will be the best peach you have ever had. Good luck with workshop and eharmony man.
I saw your post for Hopeful in Calif.. talking about walking the labyrinth and immediately thought of Kripalu. Were you there? It was one of the most incredible places I've been.
While I have a regular yoga practice, I have never been to Kripalu. I read an interesting book by Stephen Cope about his experienced there for one year...and I have friends who used to go there.
The labyrinth is an ancient tool and is used by many cultures. I am lucky in that there is one as part of the grounds of a cemetery right near my house. So I can walk it whenever I feel the need. It is outdoors and it is similar to this one and is mowed into the grass.
Thanks for the visit!
SG
Survival Goddess "The most common way people give up their power is by thinking they don't have any." -Alice Walker
While I have a regular yoga practice, I have never been to Kripalu. I read an interesting book by Stephen Cope about his experienced there for one year...and I have friends who used to go there.
The labyrinth is an ancient tool and is used by many cultures. I am lucky in that there is one as part of the grounds of a cemetery right near my house. So I can walk it whenever I feel the need. It is outdoors and it is similar to this one and is mowed into the grass.
Thanks for the visit!
SG
Survival Goddess "The most common way people give up their power is by thinking they don't have any." -Alice Walker
Well my eharmony guy called me on my cell yesterday while I was at the dog park. We had a nice first chat...one of his questions was "How long have you been single?" Well I guess I have been "single" about 5 years.
For some reason I have been revisiting my very first posts. They aren't on the BB anymore, but I did save my first real thread on MLC to my computer. Whew! Oh the pain! The agony! The horrible impact on the kids!
I truly feel much better now. But the conversation w/ FG (He is a florist) made me think about how cumbersome it it to go over our "story" with each new acquaintance. As I was finishing up my call to him, my girlfriend arrrived at the dog park w/her puppy...one of Argo's best friends! She is also D, and is a single mom to a teenage girl. We were talking about how different it is starting a relationship now, in our 50's compared to fresh out of HS or College. (X and I met in college, as I am sure a lot of you did...)
She made the point that when we are younger we are more naive, and maybe that is a good thing...We are full of hope and don't know any different. Now when we meet someone, there is all that history. And how soon do you go through the whole story?
Well FG wisely said there are some conversations that are better to be had in person. And I agree. I like his pictures a lot! But as we all know, the photographs can be misleading.
CG was still hurting, big time over his D which was over 7 years ago. He felt a lot of bitterness about losing a lot of "his" money in the settlement.
This new fellow has his own arrangements, as do I.
A lot of what we struggle with while going through the mediation process is "what is fair?"
I don't know if you can ever really quantify "fair"
In my case, I was never a full-time SAHM. I always worked or went to school part time. My schedule and my life was completely arranged to support my kids and my H, first while he was in Grad school, and then later as he started his career.
Sure, there is the 24/7 aspect of parenting that is really hard to comprehend until you do it. And I was creative, thrifty and supportive for the entire time. My so-called career was never really a career, it was just a way to bring in a little extra cash in a way that was compatible with the kid's schedule. I fully expected to be part of a "team" called my family and make my contributions by supporting the other 3 members in the best possible way. I did this for 19 years.
When I discovered the OGIRL and kicked H out after the 3rd time of discovering his lies, I was forced to, by circumstances, try and make the best of my life. I went back to school and got my Master's degree. I graduated over 2 years ago. And while I have had some interesting and rewarding work, my level of income is less than 1/3 of what is was before the D. It has been VERY DIFFICULT.
Blaming SAHMs for not having career success while being thrust into it at midlife is the same as blaming the victim of a crime. I for one have done the best I possibly could have done with my life and circumstances. I fully expected to be making a decent salary at this point, but it is not happening.
In California there is no such thing as alimony if you are in my situation, and I am glad. I get this chance to make it on my own. Yay me. If, however, I hadn't had the help of my parents I would be one of those people you read about in the papers.
There is the emotional toll of divorce, and in MANY cases there is the financial toll. I know that someday I will come out on top, but it has been much harder than expected.
Too bad I didn't luck into an admin job with a fortune 500 heir. Instead I have been busy teaching 21st century skills to children who don't have a chance to learn these skills at home because they don't have an Internet connection.
So I guess the point is we all work hard. We all deserve credit. And we all had to change our plans, switch gears due to the D.
SG
Survival Goddess "The most common way people give up their power is by thinking they don't have any." -Alice Walker
Well said SG. I could not add a thing to your post to make it more real.
Quote:
CG was still hurting, big time over his D which was over 7 years ago. He felt a lot of bitterness about losing a lot of "his" money in the settlement.
Yes, how soon people forget others contributions.
Quote:
In my case, I was never a full-time SAHM. I always worked or went to school part time. My schedule and my life was completely arranged to support my kids and my H, first while he was in Grad school, and then later as he started his career.
Sure, there is the 24/7 aspect of parenting that is really hard to comprehend until you do it. And I was creative, thrifty and supportive for the entire time. My so-called career was never really a career, it was just a way to bring in a little extra cash in a way that was compatible with the kid's schedule. I fully expected to be part of a "team" called my family and make my contributions by supporting the other 3 members in the best possible way. I did this for 19 years.
I worked full time throughout my kids' lives, but either way, whether it had been part-time or full time, I was the one who picked them up from daycare every single day, who fed them dinner every single night, who gave them their baths every single night, who read them their books every single night, and when they went to school - the one who made it to the parent-teacher conferences, the one who made sure their homework was done, the one who help with their projects, the one who punished and praised, and did all that stuff - as did you.
Because it doesn't matter whether you're a SAHM or a working mom, or a SAHD, or a working dad. Those who really get it that having kids is a real other job know how hard it is and those who have never done so have NO EARTHLY IDEA how hard it is. But it's the hardest, best thing we will ever do.
Unless you've ever done it, you have no idea what it's all about. Not a frickin' clue.
You guys are so right. As one who doesn't have kids, I applaud you. I really don't know how you do it and I admire you all. Well, maybe not all parents but the ones who seem to get it like yourselves.
You sound awesome! Love hearing about your Peach Tree - boy it sure grew fast. Must've been meant to be.
I think we struggle in many many ways when we go through a D. When there are kids, homes, finances, adultery involved - there is so much to deal with - you can only live through it one day at a time. But we do get through or else we get stuck and can't move forward. I wonder if that is where CG is. Stuck. Sometimes a therapy checkup is in order.
SAHM or fulltime mom with a career - there is no shame in either - only KUDOS all around. I can't think of any Mom on this bb who didn't always put her kids first and make sacrifices in order to do so. Some of us are still doing that. For me - Ashley is still living at home and I'm paying to educate her. Ryan will ALWAYS be my primary concern in all ways as he is totally dependent. I have had the pleasure of meeting your son and know you have done a fine job in parenting.
New guy sounds interesting. One thing I learned when dating was not to spend much time in the early days discussing D issues. Best to concentrate on the moment.
And WOW - dating a florist - that could be wonderful!
CHEERS SG - I'll lift my glass of lemonade to your peach drink.
