Kelly Jo The Wifey new thread.

[The Wifey]

It just seems that I should be able to do this. I thought of the meds even though I dread them because I can't seem to help myself when I see him. The minute he gets home the happy, confident, ready to DB my ass off person caves.

I am going to make a list of the DB things that I am going to stick to, that I HAVE to stick to. I HAVE to or I really will lose him.

1.Accept that I can't change this or make it just go away. I have no power.
2.No more r talk and more patience.
3.Still be available, but let him initiate.
4.GAL.
5.Act as if.
6.Keep myself healthy.
7.Be content in my own home.
8.Spend time on my schoolwork and preparing for the GMAT.
9.Connect with my friends.
10.Never take my h for granted - always be grateful.
11.Be thankful for little things.

Now if I could just tattoo these on my brain and make them happen.

[One Day]

Hey Kelly,

Just thought I'd stop in. I really like your list. The items are all pretty big- could you break them down into little chunks, like maybe focussing on doing no OR talk for a day, thn 2, then three and so on?

Hope today's going OK!

L.

[LolaL]

Kelly Jo: Did I ever tell you I originate from Rochester? Born and bred...we may have had that convo but I don't remember.

May I make a suggestion? I read through your list, and try to think if it in a more positive direction. The list is good, but put a positive spin on it.

Remember that sometimes, not having control is okay. It is a hard thing to grasp, but trust me, once you let go, it gives you space to breath. It is an action that you need to practice, and none of us are perfect at it, but you can do this!!!

You are fine. Just breath...

[The Wifey]

(((Lola,One Day)))

I need to breath. Unfortunately it sounds an awful lot like wracking sobs at the moment. What the hell is wrong with me?

We did talk about you being from Rochester some time last week. I said to let me know if you ever get to make a visit home and we'll meet up.

I feel the power in letting go at times. I feel like a jogger getting his second wind. Then I have these damn backslides.

Tonight I think I'm going to go fishing at the lake. Just me and the fishing pole. Mindlessly perfect.

[LolaL]

Let the sobs come. There is no shame in crying.

On Monday, when it was my anniversary, I threw my photo album across the floor. A picture of H flew out, and I left it there in the hall, and spent the next three days stomping on it every time I went by. My T said that was actually a very good thing because it helped me to deal with my anger.

Sometimes I think we don't feel the anger because we are afraid that we won't love the S anymore. Have you thought about maybe throwing darts at a picture or something???

Trust me, it is therapeutic. From now on, when I get mad, I am going to stomp on a picture...

[Neilh23]

The items are all pretty big- could you break them down into little chunks, like maybe focussing on doing no OR talk for a day, thn 2, then three and so on?

try it this way......it works...

how about a goal to be....."i won't break down when my H gets home tonight."

start small..............build your confidence.....then.....build upon those.

you're getting it....

[mulesqb]

Hey KJ - It seems like you are spending a lot of time alone - do you have any friends you could connect with?? I know that has been energizing for me.

Stay the course!

[The Wifey]

I haven't felt any anger, only grief. I did this. I caused this. I hurt him. I'm the responsible party.

Maybe if I could get angry I wouldn't feel so sad.

My son is even upset with me for just letting his dad do whatever he wants and not sticking up for myself. (His words.) I don't know what that means. I'm not all at fault here, sure, but I carry a pretty wide margin of the problems. What do I have to stick up for but out M.

I think I just need to go away some where and think. Maybe someplace with music. I like music - and dancing. H already said no to the fair. No to motorcycle ride with me. (He'll let me know when he wants me to go.) So, I think I will have to just go myself and find some place with music.

[Neilh23]

I haven't felt any anger, only grief. I did this. I caused this. I hurt him. I'm the responsible party.

Maybe if I could get angry I wouldn't feel so sad.

My son is even upset with me for just letting his dad do whatever he wants and not sticking up for myself. (His words.) I don't know what that means. I'm not all at fault here, sure, but I carry a pretty wide margin of the problems. What do I have to stick up for but out M.

I think I just need to go away some where and think. Maybe someplace with music. I like music - and dancing. H already said no to the fair. No to motorcycle ride with me. (He'll let me know when he wants me to go.) So, I think I will have to just go myself and find some place with music.

first of all...
stop feeling like it was all your fault. it wasn't. you know it. now please believe it.....

2nd of all....."he'll let you know when he wants me to go?" WTF is that? you are an adult....right? you go where you choose....right? so go to the fair...walk around...enjoy the smells, the people...the food. Do it for yourself. Don't ever let him tell you what you can and cannot do.....regardless of his occupation.

Kjo.....you are doing well...really.....but stop thinking like this....

[Neilh23]

Kjo...i don't want to sound harsh....but it's all true tho.....

you have the strength to do this.....find it.....use it....become a better person because of it