CM, that story is the story of Job.I am sure you are familiar as it is basically saying that through it all you simply have to keep your faith in God that the direction he is leading you is the one you were meant to take.
Ian
Aha, thank you Ian
I have an awesome prayer partner who has been sooooo supportive and I know all of this is a test of my faith firstly & secondly a test of my SINCERE love for my wife.
My "american Prayer / Marriage Restoration support group wrote this to me after finding out about my wife's "activities":
Quote:
CM,
We surely understand the sadness you are experiencing. In discussing this during our devotional and prayer time tonight, we want to encourage you to be cautious as to "exposing" your wife's indiscretions to people. If her heart becomes softer down the road and the two of you have contact again, you wouldn't want this to come back to harm the possibility of reconciliation.
It's a good idea to resist the temptation to expose your wife's sins and instead, to do what you can to "cover" her with your words. We know this is just the opposite of what your hurt feelings or anger might feel like doing.
Bob and Audrey Meisner speak of this concept in their ministry. http://www.bobandaudrey.com. This is an excerpt from Bob and Audrey's story in the book Can My Marriage Be Saved? by Mae and Erika Chambers
"Had I understood the practiced the principle of covering my wife and family, the adultery might never have occurred. It was my lack of understanding of the covering principle that also caused me at first to want to tell everybody what Audrey had done and to declare my own innocence. But God's desire for our situation was healing and restoration, which started with concealing or covering it for protection. God designed every woman with a deep desire to be covered. Every man is designed by God to be a coverer, a protector and provider for his wife and children. Part of the man's function is to be a buffer between his family and the harshness of the world."
Please know that we are praying for you,
Clint and Penny
My friend replied after I forwarded him the email:
Quote:
That's certainly good advice as pertains to the world in general.
You definitely don't want to be going about telling every T, D & H that your wife is an adulterer.
As the paster says, it's bound to bite you when your wife comes home.
But, as to the divorce proceedings, from a purely financial perspective, evidence of indiscretion is bound to save you money.
Your lawyer can advise you on this, of course.
I suppose this has to be prayed about at length. It's impossible for me to give you a firm direction to take.
Some might say that if your feelings are truly sincere for your wife then you wouldn't want to drag her name through the mud at all. But there is the matter of the money.
I suppose the best course is to leave it all in God's hands. Focusing only on reducing a possible financial award to your wife can't be the main consideration.
You've probably done all you can in this regard by making clear in your deposition that you don't want a divorce and still love your wife.
I have to admit as I sit here that my feeling is that you don't drag in the possibility of infidelity. If you were trying to separate permanently from your wife then it would make sense, but as the goal is restoration, it does make sense to be as gentle as possible.
Of course, we should always be as gentle as possible!
So sorry about your W's possible baby news. I know it must hurt so much!
I agree with others that out of love for her and the desire to restore your M, it would be best to keep her news quiet and "cover her".
Hang in there and keep praying, including the Hedge of Thorns prayer.
Sorry I haven't been checking your thread. It's been a stressful week at work and in my personal life. It's been emotionally challenging for me as well.
For some reason, my recent Emails and study has centered around Jobs story. This excerpt from a daily Email I receive was especially telling:
Quote:
Neither Job nor any other man who has suffered a serious loss can ever fully understand why a catastrophe has happened. But if you're willing to seek God and surrender your life and your situation into his powerful hands, he'll do a work in you and through you that will restore your spirit and bring Him honor and glory.
A verse that I came across and comforted me in a similar situation:
Psalm 57:
1 Have mercy on me, O God, have mercy on me, for in you my soul takes refuge. I will take refuge in the shadow of your wings until the disaster has passed.
Seek Him out, pour your cares on Him. Christ walked the earth and experienced every trial we will.
Hebrews 4: 14Therefore, since we have a great high priest who has gone through the heavens, Jesus the Son of God, let us hold firmly to the faith we profess. 15For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are--yet was without sin. 16Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.
Empathizing your pain,
N.
Thanks 4kids - your prayers & support are MUCH appreciated @this time, believe me
It's time for absolute faith, steadfast prayer and trust in the power of our Almighty Heavenly Father to restore THIS marriage
At THIS point in time - bearing in mind the "affair" AND the possibility of my wife carrying a "child" - what say you Godly & WISE DB'ers about writing this letter to my wife -----> as suggested by one of my kind lady friends on this site
Quote:
I think at some point in time, if it were me, I would write her a note (although I think another form of communication- not sure what-would be better since notes/emails is what you've been doing all this time) and tell her something like this.
Wife, I do not want to cause you distress and pain, that has not been my goal. My goal has been to save my marriage. I did not make a vow to you knowing that I would break it 12 years later. I made that vow to my Lord and to break that vow is against every single cell in my body. I am praying for God's wisdom because I do not want this conflict between us.
I hate it.
I pray that someday you will no longer loathe me and that you will understand what it is that I am standing for.
I am truly sorry for the pain that I have caused you.
Hosea 3:1-5 (NCV) The LORD said to me again, "Go, show your love to a woman loved by someone else, who has been unfaithful to you. In the same way the LORD loves the people of Israel, even though they worship other gods and love to eat the raisin cakes." So I bought her for six ounces of silver and ten bushels of barley. Then I told her, "You must wait for me for many days. You must not be a prostitute, and you must not have sexual relations with any other man. I will act the same way toward you." In the same way, Israel will live many days without a king or leader, without sacrifices or holy stone pillars, and without the holy vest or an idol. After this, the people of Israel will return to the LORD their God and follow him and the king from David's family. In the last days, they will turn in fear to the LORD, and he will bless them.
Friend to Friend
A college man walked into a photography studio with a framed picture of his girlfriend. He wanted the picture duplicated, which involved removing it from the frame. When the photographer took the picture apart, he noticed an inscription written on the back of the photograph:
"My dearest Tom
I love you with all of my heart.
I love you more and more each day.
I will love you forever and ever.
I am yours for all of eternity."
The picture was signed "Diane" and contained a PS that read, "If we ever break up I want this picture back!"
Love that never gives up has no "PS" in it. As Paul writes in 1 Corinthians 13:8 says, "Real love never fails". In this verse, "fails" literally means "collapses, falls or disintegrates". In other words, true love does not collapse under the weight of testing. It will not disintegrate when the pressure is on nor will it fall apart in the hard times. True love is strong and unconditional. True love is God's love, a love that we cannot understand or explain in human terms. The life of the Old Testament prophet, Hosea, powerfully illustrates this kind of love.
Hosea was married to a young woman named Gomer. Together, they had three children. Gomer blew it when she was unfaithful to Hosea, betraying the covenant of marriage. Hosea had every right to walk away, but love that never fails calls us up to higher choices that are beyond human reasoning. Supernatural choices demand supernatural action.
Love that never gives up chooses commitment.
Hosea 3:1a The LORD said to me again, "Go, show your love to a woman loved by someone else, who has been unfaithful to you.
Commitment is almost a foreign concept today. We want commitment to be easy and convenient, painless and cheap. Commitment is none of those things. Commitment never stops trying and never tries stopping. It is a pledge and bond, a covenant and contract. Commitment is a promise.
Cortes, the great Spanish explorer discovered what we know today as Mexico. He sailed in several boats with many men committed to conquering and settling an unknown land. When they arrived, the men looked around at an undiscovered world and were afraid. Cortes, sensing their fear, gathered them all on shore and set fire to their ships. He then announced, "Now there can be no turning back!" That is commitment; a choice never to turn back; a contract without escape clauses; a battle plan with no option for retreat. Love that never gives up can hold on because of commitment. It looks past the circumstance and locks its gaze on the promise.
Hosea had a decision to make. I am sure his feelings told him to run. After all, his heart must have been broken and to risk that kind of pain again seems absurd. His home was on the brink of disaster. Hosea must have been angry and hurt, not to mention embarrassed by Gomer's betrayal. Everyone knew what Gomer was doing because it had been going on for a long time. Hosea wasn't even sure that he was the father of his second and third child.
Hosea chose to stay because he was committed to God, to Gomer and to their marriage. Sometimes, being committed means sacrificing your own happiness for a time in order to redeem the relationship. God called Hosea to commitment -- the first time in marriage -- and now He calls him to show his love "again". The word "show" means "to be a friend or ally". Love that never fails focuses on the needs of others and chooses commitment.
Let's Pray
Father, I have to admit that it is so much easier to turn and run instead of staying simply because of commitment. Forgive me for judging others instead of loving them and giving them the same grace that you have given to me. Please help me to see these difficult people as You see them, through eyes of unconditional love and mercy. Give me the strength to overcome betrayal and hurt in my own life. Help me see the needs around me and then do something about those needs. In Jesus' name, Amen.
Now It's Your Turn
Right now, think of the hardest person in your life to love. Ask God to love them through you, to let you see them through His eyes. Write that person a note of encouragement this week, in Jesus' name.
More from the Girls
I must admit that the story of Hosea and Gomer makes me a little uncomfortable. When I tally the score, Hosea has more than enough points to ditch Gomer. Instead, he not only loves her, but pursues her and forgives her even when she doesn't seem repentant. That doesn't seem fair to me! Love that never fails does not deal in fairness but in grace and we are never more like Him than when we love the unlovable.
If you would like to hear the amazing story of Hosea and Gomer, check out Mary's CD, Love that Never Fails.
It has recently been on my thoughts lately how some of these people who 'have all the answers' for what to do with our prodigal spouses would have consulted Paul if he told them about the 'thorn in his side' he had(without knowing what God told him).
I'm sure there would be all kinds of, "Well, you need to...", and "You shouldn't accept that...", "God wouldn't want you to...", "You need to take care of yourself...", "You deserve to be happy...".
Yet what did Paul do? He was obedient and cried out repeatedly to his Heavenly Father to remove the 'ailment'. What did God say?
[2 Corinthians 12:8-10] "My grace is sufficient for you".
How many of us really want to tackle that passage head on??
I agree with 4Kids CM - just what will the letter to your W achieve?
She wants a D, which is against your religion so you say no. So the message she gets is your religion is more important than her. I am not saying that is right or wrong.
It is unlikely it will bring her back, more likely you'll get it returned with the words "give me my divorce!!!!" written on it.
But will it make YOU feel better with yourself? Are you feeling good about yourself? Do you need your W to understand your religion? Why? If you are happy with your God then why should it matter what she thinks? or anyone else for that matter? By being a Christian you are doing what you want to and it's not hurting anyone else, so why does it matter what anyone else thinks? Do you want friendship with your W? Why?
I don't mean to make it seem like I am attacking you, just provoking food for thought.
I know you are deeply religious, and I respect that, but I'm seeing a guy dogmatically following the rules laid down centuries ago in a foreign language which have been translated and possibly mis-interpreted over the years. This is why i told you to go look inside yourself recently. To hear what you would call the clear, small voice of calm. You're still looking to emails, the words of others to find ... what? I am so sorry if you feel attacked here, it's not my aim. I'm trying to help you feel the peace that appears to elude you. “Peace comes from within. Do not seek it without.”
What do you want now - don't write what you think you SHOULD want ... how would you have your life be?
Bomb (ILYBINILWY, don't want to be married)Sept05 Seperated Sept/Oct 05 Oct 06 - H recomitted July 11 - I am now a WAW.
Jumping in if I may, from my experience to much talk and laying it out even by the written word seems to cause more distance and strife. Until the one who walks away shows some interest in the LBS and a desire to know thoughts and feelings a genuine heart to heart doesn't happen.
I'm thinking a silent strength and sturdy stand like a fence would show and convey character and integrity that words would pale from.
JMO
cire
Me 48 X's vary S 27 S 18 Back with high school sweety after 30 years..
