Another one joins the flock (Part II)

[momof2girls]

Mike,
You made me laugh talking about shows you can't watch anymore! Did you see the movie "Freedom Writer's"? I saw that about 1 month after H and I S. A bunch of teacher friends took me to see it. Anyway...Patrick Dempsey leaves his wife because she is putting more time into her job than her M. Well, the breakup was heart wrenching. I did not cry but burst out laughing because I happened to look around and all my friends were looking at me instead of the movie.
I guess they were hoping that I was alright...it was very funny!

I have a two year old and she would never be able to sit in a church for 5 minutes~ My nephew was Christened a couple of weeks ago and my H ended up spending most of the service in the car with D2...she is still learning how to sit still!!

[Mike85]

momof2girls: There are so many movies and TV shows I just can't watch anymore, either because the situations depicted hit too close to home, or because they were things wife & I used to watch together. I can't watch Britcoms anymore on PBS b/c that's how we used to spend quiet Saturday nights. Can't watch "Buffy" or "Angel" because we used to spend rainy days watching the DVD's.

OTOH, I'm watching a lot of stuff that I liked but couldn't get her to sit and watch with me - "Mystery Science Theater 3000" DVD's (that's now a daddy and sons thing), "No Reservations" with Anthony Bourdain, "Firefly," and a lot of the more violent and goofy stuff that those of us with Y chromosomes enjoy. I guess you could call it turning a negative into something positive.

Jack: I am cautious. After finding out that she'd been lying to me about the OM for weeks and to my face, trust is obviously an issue. Hell, I'm having my direct deposit from my new job placed into my personal account instead of the joint account in case wife and her boozer boyfriend happen to run short on funds while playing house & partying and decide, despite our agreement, to tap into the joint account. However, her description to my son of her intentions (getting back with me eventually) jibes with what she has said to me, her parents, and several of her friends. If nothing else, she is consistent. I'm an increasingly-cautious "glass half full guy" and choose to consider her repeated claim as a small sign of hope, right along with our continued efforts at friendship and our increased physical contact. My philosophy has always been -even prior to this life incident- that optimism and pessimism are both self-fulfilling, so choose the former.

Small steps. Achingly small steps.

As you and others have warned me, I must exercise not just caution, but a great deal of patience. Prepping for my new job will grant me an opportunity to fill my free time and help with the patience.

[Mike85]

One personality quirk I seem to have acquired since my wife's mlc - I get more annoyed when friends who know my situation tell me that they're going to call at a specific day/time or stop by...and then they don't.

I know that life is hectic and that right now I have a lot more free time than most, what with having summers off, but you'd think that people would realize that right now I *truly* look forward to their conversations & company as comfort and distraction and that I'm a little more sensitive to being blown off.

Criminy - it's hard enough trying to not "go to the same well" by calling/visiting the same core of friends TOO often and appearing needy/clingy without having my prospective expanded network blowing me off.

On another note, I came home from my oldest son's soccer practice to see two messages from soon-to-be-former colleagues who had heard rumors of my departure from their district. Spoke to each of them and it was nice to hear the combination of their being sad that I'm leaving and their happiness for my new opportunity. I'm going to try to maintain some of the friendships from my old workplace, but I understand that work & life will make that a little harder.

One of the folks to whom I spoke last night (my former science dept. chair) had heard about my wife's shacking up with OM and was outraged. I told him that although I'm saddened, disappointed, and yes, at times angry, that I'm relying on God for strength and patience. I told him what I told my son when son said that "mommy broke her promise to you and God" - that because we love mommy unconditionally, that both God and mommy will forgive mommy in time, because that is what love is about. He thought that was beautiful and then we prayed together (weird for two science guys, huh?). He's one of the friendships I will work hard to keep.

It's supposed to be a beautiful, hot, sunny day today. I think the kids & I will play in the pool and I'll fire up the grill for dinner.

[Jack_Three_Beans]

I get more annoyed when friends who know my situation tell me that they're going to call at a specific day/time or stop by...and then they don't.

I wanted consistency so badly in my marriage, that I got upset with anybody who couldn't be consistent with me in any aspect of my life.

Mike, they will realize this if you tell them.
Use this as a learning experience for later talks with your wife as well. You can't be mad at someone if you didn't tell them what your wanted or expected from them, otherwise its just passive aggresive BS.

Not weird at all man.

The Language of God:
Synopsis
Dr Francis S. Collins, head of the Human Genome Project, is one of the world's leading scientists, working at the cutting edge of the study of DNA, the code of life. Yet he is also a man of unshakable faith in God. How does he reconcile the seemingly unreconcilable? In THE LANGUAGE OF GOD he explains his own journey from atheism to faith, and then takes the reader on a stunning tour of modern science to show that physics, chemistry and biology -- indeed, reason itself -- are not incompatible with belief.

REALLY good book.

Go catch bugs with your kids too. Lose yourself in the small details.

[Mike85]

Jack: Kenneth Miller's "Finding Darwin's God" is another great book. Miller co-authored one of the top-selling high school bio texts (I use it), lectures extensively on the heavy evidence for evolution...and is a devout, practicing Roman Catholic.

Wondered why I felt "bluer" and more out of it than usual today. My youngest son gave me his cold. My sinuses are killing me. can't blame wife's mlc for this one ;-)

[Jack_Three_Beans]

Well you could, but then...well...it'd be like you were having an MLC then.

[Mike85]

Took kids to the library (pick up another SW book and some free videos for the kids) and wound up running into about four soon-to-be-former coworkers and another five or six friends from church. Lots of folks giving me hugs of sympathy for what wife is putting me through (it's a very small town and word spreads fast) as well as hugs of happiness for my new job.

What started out as a simple "let's go for a nice walk and snag my book and stuff" turned into a mini-support group in the village library.

(and before anyone asks, the kids were watching a puppet show downstairs while all this was going on...)

Feel much happier now.

[Mike85]

Great several days with the kids. They've been watching so much MST3K with me that yesterday they wanted to do their own, digging up an old Power Rangers video to make fun of. It was goofy, but both my sons loved it.

Last night, my youngest son fell asleep on me and oldest son got a cute camera phone pic of it. Almost texted it to wife, but decided against it, since I hadn't communicated with her all day and wanted to see if I could do some DB-style distancing. I figured that when she called the next day, I could mention the pic and she could ask for it if she wanted it.

This morning, wife called to say that she was running errands and had fallen behind. She was going to be late picking up the kids for her day with them. I told her no problem, that I'd get them lunch. She sounded tired, and I asked if she was OK. She said that she'd been working so late that she was never home (which was a contributing factor to our drifting apart...). We chatted for a bit, she asked what the kids and I did yesterday, told her (she loved the "home made" MST thing). She called back again in the early afternoon to say she was still running behind. More chatting.

She came to pick the kids up at about 3 pm. I was looking forward to seeing her. Then I saw that the OM was driving the minivan. I'm positive that you could hear my crest falling in the next county. Felt like a kick in the gut. She came in, hugged the kids, had them give me a hug and kiss goodbye, but then she gave me a hug and a kiss. I felt a little better.

She'll be dropping the kids off before their bedtime, since this is my Saturday with them (good timing, since my village has a summer festival and a "teddy bear parade").

Went to supermarket, ran into soon-to-be-former colleagues who congratulated me on my new job. Some also hugged me b/c they knew my home sitch. Went to check out, and cashier was one of my former students/advisees who graduated last year (don't pick on my effectiveness, it's her summer job). She gave me a hug...b/c she knew about my home sitch. CRIMINY! She and one of her classmates feel bad for me want to come make me dinner (the frozen pizza in my cart didn't help my case). I said I'd take them up on it. That class was a great group of kids. I advised them for four years. I got close to them and their wonderful parents (the kind of parents and kids teachers dream of working with). One of 'em wound up becoming my sons' favorite babysitter b/c he'd play GameCube with them. Their parents ALSO know about me and want to do something.

I tried ending on an "up" note by mentioning my new job and asking how her first full year of college went. Overtly, we did end on an up note. But I wound up feeling sad. Sometimes the sympathy seems to make things worse. Weird, huh?

Went to the store just to get some stuff and wound up in conversations that made me focused on wife and OM. [sigh].

At least my kids will be back tonight. They always cheer me up (even when they misbehave).

[Mike85]

Ray of hope.

After wife took kids, I walked down to our village festival. Hung out for a while, talked with some friends, then my phone rang at about 8. The number didn't look familiar, so I ignored it. It rang about 5 minutes later, same number, so I took it.

It was the wife, calling from bf's phone (couldn't find hers). She was dropping kids off - she was on her way. Told her that I'd meet her in 5-10 minutes, since I was walking.

Got home, her minivan in driveway. The asshat, errr...bf was in the driver's seat, looking beat and pissed off. I ignored him as I walked onto my back porch. Oldest son was saying his goodbyes to him mom, while the three-year-old was laying on the floor, crying. Wife told me that the kids were in their usual squabbling form and that the three-year-old was, well, being a three-year-old. Hence the early drop-off. Apparently, bf is beginning to realize that his gf is a mommy with two normal kids who argue, fight, get cranky, etc.

She spent about ten to fifteen minutes saying goodbye to the kids. Oldest wouldn't let her go. Youngest finally got up and hugged her too. Wife asked if the kids wanted her to pick them up Sunday night to sleep over, or Monday morning. Both picked Monday morning, indicating that they preferred to sleep in their "real" beds. Wife made no big deal out of it.

She gave me big hug and a kiss and said she'd see me Monday morning.

Kids and I went into house, and as minivan pulled out, oldest son said "man, Patrick is NOT happy, dad..."

Oldest son said that he and his brother didn't do anything weird while at mom's, they were just being them. Apparently mommy didn't mind, but bf and his buddy were less than happy with their summertime peace and idyllic cookout meal being disrupted by....kids. It was bf who requested the early dropoff.

Yes, I'm enjoying the harsh reality check for wife's bf, but I've got to remember to be careful of my kids' health and safety in case bf loses his temper or falls of the wagon again.

[InLikeFlynn]

Did you pat the boys on the head and say :Good Boys"!!!