Well, well - I think of posting now and then, but it's so much better for me to be away that I don't. And then time goes by, and things happen, and it seems like there would be too much to say.
But I'll give you all a recap, although I'm afraid it will be long!
I signed the D papers last Friday, June 20th, as well as the house title (now mine) and my new mortgage. In the days leading up to this, I was a bit down, feeling sad that my M was over, and I expected it to be amplified after the signing...but it wasn't. I just felt relieved, like a weight had been lifted off me. The D cost way more than I'd anticipated (about $17,000) but who needs to retire anyway, lol! I have my kids 80% of the time, and I've been able to keep my house.
I continue to be disappointed in XH's behaviour, though not surprised. Or perhaps disappointed isn't the right word b/c I don't expect him to act any better. He continues to live down to my expectations. The banker I dealt with was shocked that I had to buy him out of a half-million dollar home, when he was the one who walked out. But that's the law here, so there's not much I could do about it. His R with his gf continues, but I can see the chinks in the armour starting. I'm not sure she can, but it's not my problem. I have as little contact with him as possible, though he does try to chat about the kids. I have nothing to chat about in casual conversation. Even at the notary's office, he was lecturing me about something, and all I could think was "thank goodness I'm out of this."
I'm having some work done on the house, which is costing way more than I expected also! But it will be really nice when done, and will be MINE! Some plastering, painting, floors, bathroom (turned into a HUGE job due to mold and asbestos).
I'm still singing and sang my first solo a couple of months ago. It went well, and the other choir members are such a huge support to me, as is the singing itself. It is so healing.
As for Mr. Hottie, things are progressing, albeit extremely slowly. He needs to finish up sorting things out w/ his ex and the custody agreement, which will require going back to court over the summer. So we may see each other, or we may not till the fall, but I'm okay with that. He is a very special man for a lot of reasons, and it is wise for both of us to finish up the old before starting the new. He has been totally open and honest with me, which I so appreciate. I meet other guys and talk to them, but there's no one else who catches my fancy.
I've joined a hiking group, which is lots of fun. My city is great in the summer, with lots of fun and free activities. Saw some terrific jazz yesterday and will go to a show on the w/e. Then the comedy festival is in July and I'll go to that. I'm taking the kids to Niagara Falls and Maine in August, then back to work!
I look at myself in the mirror now, and I see a beautiful woman, inside and out. I am so happy with myself and my life. I can honestly say I've never been this happy. This is the first time in my life that I've not been living with or in a R with a controlling person, and I feel so free. I feel like I can finally be myself - at 41! - and I really, really like that person!
While I sometimes wish that I hadn't spend 16 yrs of my life with XH, and then three more years trying to save my M and recovering, I don't really regret what has happened, b/c it has changed who I am, in a good way. I am so much calmer, more relaxed, more open and compassionate. I feel free to love with all my heart.
So yes, I've not only survived the D, I can see a whole new and wonderful life ahead of me, better than I could have imagined when I was still M to my ex.
Much love to all of you, and thank you so much for thinking of me.
Nicola
Life isn't about finding yourself; it's about creating yourself My thread: Trusting God's Plan
Thanks for popping in to update--it's wonderful to hear you doing so well and that you are so happy in your new life. Can you believe where we are now compared to where we used be? It's astounding.
Much love to you and I will send good thoughts for you and Mr. Hottie--slow and steady sounds very right to me!
Your update gave me chill bumps. I'm so happy for you. You sound magnificent.
If you can, please update every so often. You've made an impact on my life (something you wrote about how your xh said he didn't like certain personality traits, so he wasn't accepting of you - not a good explanation at all!) and I want to know how you are doing.
All the very best to you!
M: 37 H: 36 Married: Aug 13, 2004 Decision to Divorce: July 20, 2008 Reconciled: September 2008 Current: Ambivalence
In the depth of winter I finally learned that there was in me an invincible summer.
'Nuf said. Hugs..kisses....and thanks. FIB
Me 55; XW 47; 2 kids (S13, D11) Bomb 05/19/06 Original thread http://tinyurl.com/yg2ou2t Last anniversary 04/25/10, Divorced 5/12/10 Status: Loving father of 2 beautiful children;
