Pinch Me.........

[Jack_Three_Beans]

Heh, forgot all about it actually.

Maybe take my dad to a ballgame.

You got my email still?

Ohhh...that sounded all cloak and dagger...

I'll just say it.

You're my friend, Jeanette's my friend, Oz is my friend, Liss is my friend, Amy is my friend, Drew is my friend; the list goes on a little bit more. Bill, Frank, had to add them. Just cause your name isn't here just means I am stupid.

I don't care. Amy's opinion of you isn't going to change the fact that your my friend. Or your opinion of Jeanette isn't going to change the fact that Jeanette is my friend.

That's all I wanted to say, too all my friends.

Now lets all stop beating a dead horse. : )

[sofaraway]

Maybe take my dad to a ballgame.

Sure, rub it in that you still have a dad....Kick a man when he's down Jack.....nice....

kidding dude, I will call saturday......

Ian

[Jeanette1120]

Ian,

I realize you asked to go back to the original topic, please forgive me but I also feel the need to explain myself.

I received a distraught phone call from someone I have not spoken to in a long time. I was rather bewildered why this person chose to call me, when they know where I stand on certain topics.

I listened for 4 hours.....I think we finally hung up at 3:30am.

Out of concern for her and you (yes I said you) I felt the need to say something to you, whether it was an innuendo or not, I thought you would understand my meaning.

I have made my meaning clear with every post. We all need time to heal. Some take longers than others, some heal differently than others...but for those of us who have a long standing on this board, if we see or in this case listened to it for 4 hours then, and I am speaking for myself, I felt the need to tap you on the shoulder, not draw you out or make you spill your life story. Not my intention. Nor did I ask you to "fess up" to anything.

You did that on your own. That was a good thing as it means you were thinking about your actions and how they may have hurt someone.

My intention was to let you know that maybe your actions are hurting someone, maybe your not aware of this happening, whether it be a friendly relationship or something more...you were hurting someone.

I do not have your email address I did a complete search, by the time it was given to me this whole chaos had started.

I cannot speak for BND, so I will say this on my behalf.

As a woman who has had her self esteem ripped apart it is very difficult to listen to a friend for hours being so upset about the goings on of things that sent her into such a tailspin you were all she talked about. Trust is very hard for women to regain, again thats my opinion. My first reaction was to protect a friend from something that appeared to be very unhealthy and the trust had been broken, severely broken.

I tried to do it subliminally I spose with words I thought you would catch onto.

I thought you would be able to understand that I was saying you hurt someone, so be careful in your future actions, especially when we all are so damn vulnerable.

I did not say anything wrong, but merely suggested a few things.

What Amy said about BND and I, was so out of line. Very out of line. It was also not true. Yes, BND and I talk everyday, mostly about our jobs, our kids, ourselves and normal stuff, hell, we even go virtual shopping together via our cell phones.

Her children sing songs to me on the phone. It keeps me in the real world. She is a wonderful woman.

It's not that often we discuss the boards. Not at all.

I also talk to Amy on the phone.....and I love that girl, but what she said was out of line concerning BND and myself, and very hurtful for her to cast such judgement like she did.

I meant no harm other than to advise against a personal relationship until both of you are healed instead of the walking wounded needing bandaides to get through life.

Sincerely,

Jeanette

[AmyC]

Also, I hate to say it AmyC (please don't beat me up ;)) the actions occurring on here...........here it comes.......justify the actions of the moderators eliminating contact amongst board members. ughhhhhhhhhh that sucked to even say, but it is the truth. I am not saying they should eliminate contact, but the way that some posts have come off, it justifies the belief that bad things can occur when people contact each other off the boards,

I agree with you on that 100%.

My biggest gripe - which in the end had nothing to do with you personally Ian - was the innuendo I read in posts by Jeanette and BND. I realize you had personal conversations with BND but there's a line at which you can post only so much as you want to here until you're ready to post it all (if there even IS an "all"). Those posts came off as if only BND and Jeanette knew what the hell was going on, rather it was intended that way or not. INNUENDO and POSTURING was what I raised hell about and both BND and Jeanette are (were) my friends and it wasn't coming off like I know either of them to be in reality. So yeah, I jumped and I'd jump again.

A while back, Jeanette called me because I had been posting erratically for several days. I spilled a bunch of stuff to her that involved my daughter and then another time, she detected the same thing and when she called I didn't tell her about what was going on but BECAUSE she basically called me out, I was forced to deal with the ugly situation I had gotten myself into. Basically, had I been allowed to remain in silence, I'd have been in deep sh*t. She basically flipped the light on for me and I did later put it all on the board. But how much whispering was going on at the time, I wonder after reading this mess today. It does not matter now but what does matter is that Jeanette was the only one that contacted me personally. If I were to sit here now and think of how my revelation on the board might have been talked about behind my back by those with each other's phone numbers I am certain I would never post another word on divorcebusting.com. Today it seemed as if Ian's conversation with BND was being talked about behind his back.

I didn't, and still do not, think it was right that personal conversations were alluded to in posts by BND and Jeanette. It made it seem as if Ian had stuff going on that would compromise his integrity on the boards and I took offense on his behalf. At the end of that day though, that isn't my business. Anything that remotely resembles gossip just really sticks in my craw and the posts today, at least to me, sounded as if gossip was occuring.

Ian, I apologize for being a b*tch on your thread but here, perception really is everything.




AmyC

[sgctxok]

Jeanette:

I can related to where you are coming from. I use to be a very active DB socialite at one time and saw much of what you have said. I use to agree with what you have posted. And in part ran away from the DB social scene b/c it upset me. And I myself dated a fellow DB'er and it was a huge disaster.

Now five years later I have a little different take on this.

Different people follow different paths in life. We are all adults and part of being an adult is the freedom to choose an learn in your own way at your own pace. These days I am more about letting people do what they will and figure things out for themselves. Sometimes I find people learn more about life when they experience it themselves. I am happy for my friends if I am wrong and there to support them if I am right.

I reserve my soapbox for occasions where someone is placing themselves in danger or exposing their children to their post D issues.

take care,
AG

I agree, AG, When you step back/out of the situation, you see it very differently.

Board relationships can take on meanings you never intended, or you can both take on those meanings, because you have an understanding of a piece of life that is the same, you grow 'close' because of a shared experience. The friendships and the romances very often go sour when folks meet up. Many people have regretted taking the relationships further than they did. Unfortunately, some people just have to live through it to realize it.


AG--I got your note. There were extenuating circumstances and I will leave it at that.

[Jack_Three_Beans]

Some don't regret it SG.

Pot and Kettles.

I do like you SG, I think you are a really caring person, so please don't take that entirely wrong. I think you are in a difficult place. I think that publicly you have to say one thing, but maybe privately feel different.

[sgctxok]

Some don't regret it SG.

absolutely true