I can related to where you are coming from. I use to be a very active DB socialite at one time and saw much of what you have said. I use to agree with what you have posted. And in part ran away from the DB social scene b/c it upset me. And I myself dated a fellow DB'er and it was a huge disaster.
Now five years later I have a little different take on this.
Different people follow different paths in life. We are all adults and part of being an adult is the freedom to choose an learn in your own way at your own pace. These days I am more about letting people do what they will and figure things out for themselves. Sometimes I find people learn more about life when they experience it themselves. I am happy for my friends if I am wrong and there to support them if I am right.
I reserve my soapbox for occasions where someone is placing themselves in danger or exposing their children to their post D issues.
Like I said, Ian has his own concsious to deal with.
I am not sure what you think my concsious has to deal with jeanette, but I can assure you it is clean today. Have I made mistakes in the past, yes. Those are mine to deal with and I have. Am I embarassed by them, absolutely. However, weakness occurrs even in the strongest of people. You deal with your actions and try the best you can to learn from your mistakes. Did I bring it here, on the boards, nope. I don't think there was any value added at the time and I used my friends and family to deal with it. Many were board members who respected my wishes to not discuss on the boards. Some apparantely fealt the need to discuss with others on this board, whatever. These are the inner circles of DBing and I get that, just a shame that they are held for times of judgment rather than addressed when they occur wouldnt you say???????
I had a one night stand with a girl who was friends with my daughter. I made a huge mistake. I have dealt with that and it is in the past. I do not talk to her, I do not need any to tell me why it was wrong, I am my own judge and have found myself guilty and handed down my own sentence for that.
Board relationships are very interesting because sometimes people assume there is more to them then there really is. I have made a very special friend on the boards. Someone who is near and dear to me because of the things we shared and discussed. In different circumstances who knows what would have occurred between the two of us. In our current situations nothing was going to happen and we were both very aware of that.
Two people do have the ability to have a very special friendship without it being more than just that. A very special friendship.
Quote:
One party is hurting.
This, is not something that anyone wanted. This, there was no way to see that it was going to happen. This, is between two people and my advice, do not cast judgment on what you do not know all about. If anyone for one fricken minute believes that I wanted pain or hurt to be caused to anyone, well you can kiss me where the sun doesnt shine because I guarantee you havent talked to me about it and are making your decisions without all the information. The statement made here that I quoted, there is only one person involved that I give a crap about and she knows that.
I have kept my tongue as well, because I was simply trying to get some things dealt with and they have nothing to do with the apparent issues that have come to light. I have always said that if you have a problem, bring it to me. Do not cast veiled dispursions and utter under your breathe. We are all adults here and this is real stuff that happens when you are in the middle of this crap. If you want to man up, then man up full force not half asssed.
Now, I am pretty sure that many of you are reading your screen and scratching your head like there is no tomorrow. It all makes sense though to those who skirt the issues and veil the truths that are there. You cannot BS a BSer and as many know, I know how to BS.
Isn't it strange that so many people have found themselves entangled in an EA with someone on this board.
I am willing to bet that 99.9% of them never ever intentionally wanted it to happen.
But us peeps understand one another's pain.
Many of us have been on the phone with one another for hours at a time, sharing one another's burdens.
We chat on IM, we sent texts and emails, and some of us actually go as far as to visit fellow DB'ers.
Again, it is all so innocent when it starts, especially as a friend.
And when our own WAS is off in Neverland, and we need someone to be there for us we turn to someone on the board.
For those of us who actually DB, we learn so much about ourselves and so much about the things we need to change about ourselves.
We learn about what it is that we truly want out of a relationship with someone, whether it is our WAS or someone new.
And we share these new hopes and dreams and fears with someone of the opposite sex, who is also our friend and sometimes those feelings change into something else.
WTFlip does this have to do with what Ian IS discussing on this thread, BND?
I don't give a rat's ass about what information you are privy to from private conversations with Ian - nor do I care if he's in a EA with someone else from these boards.
I reckon you and Jeanette can burn up the phone lines tonight talking about me now but my opinion on this subject is twofold and stands independant of your "private information":
1) It is wrong of you to reference your one on one conversations with Ian on this thread. Further, it is wrong for you to discuss those things on the phone with Jeanette. Ian can reveal in his own time whatever he wants to here - and he can withhold information as well.
2) You and Jeanette are hopping up on some kind of righteousness bandwagon that to be honest, is really ugly, judgmental and pompous.
I know both your stories - and let me remind you I know both of you have compromised your own "stands" in the past just as I did - YEAH - I WENT THERE but precisely because I've compromised myself previously I wouldn't dare to pop off with the attitude you and Jeanette are conveying on this thread.
Have you both forgotten where you came from???
Ian is a divorced, single father.
Moreover, he is a SMART, divorced, single father.
Back the hell off him and knock it off with the self-righteous, innuendo-laced posts.
Both of you can communicate with Ian privately via email and I suggest you do it.
There are others that read these threads and you are both coming off so holier than thou that it's making me sick.
Amy. Although you have jumped onto the bandwagon my post mentioned no names. I never implied that Ian was having an emotional affair with anyone. I posted in response to Jeanettes thread in regards to her comment about relationships on the board. And if you MUST know Amy, and everyone else....
My personal conversation had to do with the fact that MY Father also was caught F-ing my best friend in high school and how it affected my relationship with him.
My Dad had very low self esteem after wife #2 Divorced him, and sought the company of younger women, I think it made him feel better about himself.
That was my issue.....Got it?
Get it?
Now bite me!!
There can be no testimony without a test. I am praying to go through this test and come out the other end with a new and better marriage then before.
If I'm not mistaken this conversation started as a discussion of the person that Ian is seeing NOW, how he has handled it, how he plans to continue handling it, while keeping the other priorities in his life in line - particularly his children.
It's a great topic for many here who are now or who will at some point in the future face a similar situation. There is also good input to be had from others who have already gone through a similar situation.
It wasn't about relationships between DBers who meet on this board, which is an entirely different topic. Ian never brought that up at all, it was steered in this direction by others.
If we can't keep the discussion to what the owner of this thread has brought up HERE, maybe it's best not to participate simply out of common courtesy to the thread owner and respect for the rules, unwritten or otherwise, of this board. Just a suggestion...
Kev
"Our greatest glory is not in never falling but in rising every time we fall." -Confucius
"God alone decides the contest; but we must put our shoulders to the wheel." -Adm. D.G. Farragut
Kevin-38; XW-36 M-2.5, together 4 Bomb-1/6/07; D-6/27/07
I'm sorry but I feel IT IS WRONG for db'er to get involved with another db'er before either of them are DONE!
Due to the implication here I feel it neccesary to clarify that I did not get involved with another db'er nor do I appreciate the implication that this could be the case.
No one wants anyone hurt, no one wants anyone to feel bad, and no one should believe that anyone posting on here has that intent.
I do however feel that this is very powerful dialogue and is good for people new here to read and understand. Also, I hate to say it AmyC (please don't beat me up ;)) the actions occurring on here...........here it comes.......justify the actions of the moderators eliminating contact amongst board members. ughhhhhhhhhh that sucked to even say, but it is the truth. I am not saying they should eliminate contact, but the way that some posts have come off, it justifies the belief that bad things can occur when people contact each other off the boards,
I for one would not want to lose that as I have needed people to talk on the phone with, to IM with, and to meet that share this common bond.
