so I shouldn't have mentioned it? why the f did it bother me so much!! i didn't get emotional about it at all in front of him, but I admit, I got teary about it on the way home.
I feel like I'm being SO replaced. new mom, new life, d's there, the whole bit.
It isn't surprising that it bothered you, but you didn't need to mention it to him. Here's the thing. Is there any way that mentioning it to him was going to be helpful to you?
It's the "not knowing" what's going to happen that is killing me right now. GAL right this minute is almost impossible as you can imagine.
ma, I'm sorry things are working out the way they are for you. I followed your sitch from the beginning and am aware how much work you put into DB'ing. I do hope you are deriving some comfort from all the people who are here and who have been supporting and advising you.
I found great deal of solace from a book by Susan Jeffers titled, Embracing Uncertainty: Breakthrough Methods for Achieving Peace of Mind When Facing the Unknown. I read it when (by pre-arrangement) my husband cut short a trip we had originally planned to celebrate our 25th wedding anniversary. We parted ways in England and he flew home to move out of our home and into his own apartment.
As you are now, I was facing a huge unknown and it was causing me great discomfort. The book helps one gain a sense of detachment from a difficult situation and helps one be more rational and less driven by my emotion.
I'll be thinking of you on Friday. It sounds like you have a good lawyer on your side. Your H is giving your attorney plenty of reasons for the judge to find in your favor.
Me: 59 H: 59 Together: 28 years Married: 25 years in August "There may be someone else" 12/26/07 H signed a one year lease 4/1/08 H moved out 5/11/08
Me: 59 H: 59 Together: 28 years Married: 25 years in August "There may be someone else" 12/26/07 H signed a one year lease 4/1/08 H moved out 5/11/08 H beginning to show a tiny amount of interest 7/5/08 Is it possible that he is courting me? 9/30/08
Mary, I work for two attorneys who are often appointed guardian ad litem to children in cases very similar to yours. Prior to working at my current firm, I worked for an attorney who was a children's advocate. He went on to become a judge in our juvenile court.
I can tell you from firsthand knowledge that cases like yours are not rare in any community. In fact, they are more the norm, I'm afraid. But precisely because of that, judges, lawyers and children's advocates KNOW when they are being played and if there is no reason for your daughter to be taken from you permanently, it is highly unlikely that she will be. It sounds as if you have a very good attorney who will not roll over on you Friday. Try to have some faith that he will represent you well. Your most important role right now is to be yourself and be strong in the face of the BS your husband is putting you through. If you lose it even one time in court, you are lending credence to the claims he is making. You have to be strong and trust your attorney.
If you have been honest about everything, you can be reasonably sure that before this is all said and done, your daughter will be back with you. Social services representatives tend to be self-righteous jerks on power trips in my experience but even so, the truth always comes out. If the truth is on your side, you will be fine no matter how much crap your husband tries to stir up.
amyc -- thank you for the response. what scares me (something you mentioned in your post) is that at the last court hearing I DID react when h's lawyer began quoting passages out of a journal i wrote last fall (of course he didn't tell judge it was from a journal that h STOLE and photocopied after I found out about affair to use against me). Sentances that were SO taken out of context. Like, "i don't feel like being a mother", "maybe I should move back to nyc alone", that kind of thing. it was therpeutic writing and social services spoke to the therapist that gave me the excersize and exlained that it's for therapuetic purposed only -- he also wrote a letter explaining this.
so how I f'd up is that with each quote, I made "sounds", like "what?" not loudly at all!! but enough that it was heard.
will this totally bite me in the arse?? how would anyone react when personal things your wrote as an exercise are taken out of context????
Mary - I asked before and I'll ask again - isn't your L BRINGING THIS UP IN COURT?!?!?!? (that it's your journal, that he photocopied it, what he's done)
Me 35, H 38; Together 13.5 yrs, M 7 Bomb 1 10/07/06 Sep'd 1/14/07 - 4/15 Piecing: 4/07 - 9/07 Bomb 3 10/11/07: Never loved you, let's separate 2/08 slowly improving 7/08 Piecing (7/25/08 rings back on!!) Current thread
Mary - you can't do anything about what already happened so focus on tomorrow and no matter what his attorney says, don't react in any way. I doubt what happened at the last hearing will have any bearing on what happens tomorrow but if you keep reacting it is likely to hurt you.
Additionally, how your husband came to be in possession of those journal entries isn't really going to matter in the end because it is so far beyond the scope of the hearing. But if you were told to write your feelings as a form of therapy and you have a letter stating as much, yes, that should be of some help to your case. The judge is going to want facts. Is your daughter fed? Is she bathed and clothed, attending school, are you an involved mother (such as at school)? Those are the things that are going to matter. Not the spin your butthead husband tries to put on them. He and his motives will be flushed out soon enough because this ain't that judge's first rodeo. He sees this kind of crap weekly at the very least.
1st off ((hugs)) Sorry I have been absent for two days, life just got a little crazy with work issues. Just could not find the time to jump on and read your stitch.
Ok first I want to say I know the ring issue hurt. It will and it is going to I agree with all who said you should not have brought it up.
My h got this ugly, and i mean ugly watch from ow for his birthday or maybe christmas (both are close) He told me he bought it at the mall and he could not pass up such a great deal. H tells me this the last week in January when the watch appeared. I saw it never said one word. I found a receipt dated from the 8th of the month to have a link removed from it. So he lied right to my face. It is the kind of watch I would never have bought for him. She is a different person than I am
Just proves H lied to me, which all he does is lie. It seems he is creating a world that works for him, but the truth is he is beginning to forget the lies he tells. Another thing he has failed to realize, What he is doing is having no impact on me, for i really don't care anymore.
LET IT GO. REMEMBER TO LET IT ROLL OFF YOUR BACK.
I have just bought a necklace for me the other day. And today i am wearing it proudly. Its in written in Irish, and it means love, heath and happiness. It has it in english on the other side but i have decide to wear it with the irish meaning on the outside. For me it means i love myself and life, health, for me means helping my mom thru her cancer treatments and happiness for in the end of all this I will find my happiness.
Belive in yourself, Listen to Amy, She is saying what I and others have been saying, your h is all bark and no bite. He thinks he has you backed into a corner, guess what, he does not.
Take a deep breath, things will work out. You will be with your D very soon. DONT LET HIM GET YOU DOWN!!!!!
hugs bear
Last edited by phbear316; 06/12/0803:18 PM.
Me 42-Him 40 T20yrs Married 16yrs 2/06 H- "not sure if i want to be married anymore" 6/07 H-"I'm not happy" 9/07 Admits affair & OW 12/08 I moved out 12/09 still waiting for divorce
