custody hearing on friday -- so scared

[spark]

it's 3AM and of course I can't sleep. Your support has been amazing, I really mean it.

h is pulling everything I ever did out of the bag. And as I'm piecing the whole marriage I can see that he was never there for me emotionally, is incapable of it and that is one of the reasons I was so unhappy last fall (depression/anxiety).

It is beyond my scope to fathom that I could actually lose prime custody over my anxiety/depression issues. I am stable, take my meds and quite frankly, given what he has put me through, I don't love you, affair, leaving d and me, I think just the fact that I haven't fallen completely apart is testomony enough to my "mental state"!

all I can do now is have faith that 'the powers that be" realize all this and don't use my mental health history against me. And by the way, yes, I wasn't perfect during last court date, but I'm not a freakin' robot!! When I heard his lawyer quote passages out of my private journal (and he never told judge they were from a journal that h stole and photocopied), how would ANYONE act??

ow can have him. good luck to her. she knew (I know this for a fact, overheard a conversation when he was still living here) that he was married with a daugter. she's insane to think that once I'm "out of the picture" that she's got it made. I know this man. he's a liar. he doesn't have moral values. period.

and by the way he's been the last 2 weeks, if I were her, I would be totally freaked out!! he's acting completely insane and abusive. but I guess he's lying to her as well, of course he is.

I just want my d back and get on with my life. I'm sick of feeling like I'm on trial. I'm so disgusted with h and all I can do is pray for him. He truly has issues (as my therapist tells me) and he will repeat this cycle again and again until he gets professional help, which I know he won't.

As my lawyer said, it's good this happened now, instead of say, 10 years from now. I can re-build my life. I didn't get it at the time he told me because at the time I was trying to save my marriage . what a joke.

It's the "not knowing" what's going to happen that is killing me right now. I miss d so much it's not even funny. GAL right this minute is almost impossible as you can imagine.

[Virtually_Handsome]

(((((maryangela)))))

I need to go to bed, but there's a hug. You are going to be fine. Get some sleep. Stay calm. Trust your lawyer.

[spark]

just woke up (late for me, I'm used to getting up around 6:30 for d and getting her ready for school). The mornings have been the hardest for me the past week and a half. not having her here. I said before, h is bringing up every little incident with social services and I'm sick of having to explain myself. my lawyer told me to stop talking with them,they have enough info. I found a counselor for d (school rec. this) and I have to go alone to first session tomorrow morning. I told social services this and he seemed pleased. then after that d5 and I are sceduled to go every week (I guess that is if she comes home).

I have my therapy today. SO need it. my therapist knows what's going on but she was on vacation and doesn't know the details of the past two weeks. she's going to be amazed, I am sure. social services also wants to speak to her which she knows and i am sure she will be great.

I feel like I have been waking up to a nightmere every day and I'm sick of it. A person can only take so much. I see d tonight at a location not our home that we chose. I'll bring coloring books and crayons, that type of things. I hope she isn't stand=offish to me like she was last time. I will politely ask h to leave so I can have my time with her.

god,I can't believe it's come down to this. I'm sick of feeling like a criminal because I have had anxiety issues in the past (all things h brought up to social services -- even a hospitalization before I even knew him!). I'm being treated, have always gotten treatment when I needed it. It doesn't interfere with my parenting.

I'm sure if you polled 300 people in nyc on 42nd and 5th, 285 people are on zoloft or prozac!

Just so sick of this.

[NikB]

When I heard his lawyer quote passages out of my private journal (and he never told judge they were from a journal that h stole and photocopied), how would ANYONE act??

I agree with you - you're not a robot. Yes do your best to stay calm, but I think you're right that some type of response is totally expected.

PS - your comments about the court continue to puzzle me. No your H's lawyer didn't tell the judge that. BUT DID YOURS??? You keep sounding like your H and his L do all the talking and you and yours just kinda hang out and listen to it all, then you go home and complain about all the stuff he said. I hope I am misunderstanding, but this is probably the 4th or 5th time I've thought "WTF - why isn't her lawyer TELLING THE JUDGE this stuff??" Or are you just not telling us that part of it?

and by the way he's been the last 2 weeks, if I were her, I would be totally freaked out!! he's acting completely insane and abusive. but I guess he's lying to her as well, of course he is.

I doubt he's lying to her about it. He's just not doing any of it in front of her. Nothing to lie about.

Now... 2x4 time... STOP wasting your days thinking about your H and OW. Just cut it out. It's not worth your time or mental energy. Use the stop sign, use the rubber band trick, whatever it takes.

I'm sick of feeling like I'm on trial.

Then quit choosing to act and feel this way. YES, this IS your choice.

Social services is taking stock of the situation in order to recommend the best custody situation for your daughter.

YOU are the one turning it into "I'm on trial, I'm being treated like a criminal," etc. etc. etc.

... and he will repeat this cycle again and again until he gets professional help, which I know he won't.

I agree on the first part. On the "I know he won't" - wow, you have quite the psychic powers! You should use those to "know" that your D will be home soon instead of using them to "know" your H's future.

It's the "not knowing" what's going to happen that is killing me right now. I miss d so much it's not even funny. GAL right this minute is almost impossible as you can imagine.

I totally understand that it's very hard and why it is. You're taking it to an extreme though. It is not "killing" you. It hurts like he!!, it's lonely, you miss her. It's not actually, physically killing you. In fact you are remaining very strong! Be proud of yourself for that.

GAL... actually, as hard as it is, right now is THE most important time to GAL. Your life needs to be about more than JUST your D. Sure she's a major focus of it, but what ELSE is in your life? You started a new job this week - how's that going?

Look at all of SG's questions and answer those. It'll help take your focus OFF of the negatives right now.

(I guess that is if she comes home).

CUT IT OUT!!!! with the negativity. Think POSITIVELY.

I have my therapy today. SO need it. my therapist knows what's going on but she was on vacation and doesn't know the details of the past two weeks. she's going to be amazed, I am sure. social services also wants to speak to her which she knows and i am sure she will be great.

Geez, what timing on the vacation. I am so glad she's back and you're going today! I think you're right that she will be amazed about how strong you've been through all of this. Glad social services is speaking to her too.

I see d tonight at a location not our home that we chose. I'll bring coloring books and crayons, that type of things. I hope she isn't stand=offish to me like she was last time. I will politely ask h to leave so I can have my time with her.

Yay!!! I am so glad you get to see her, and that you have a plan.

It sounded like you two had fun singing together last time too - maybe bring a CD you both like? You can always sing in the car if the location's not a good "sing out loud" kinda place.

I hope she's not stand-offish too, but just be prepared that she might be. She's really upset and freaked out right now, I'm sure, and who knows what your H has been telling her. (for all you know he's telling her that you asked him to take her away and didn't want her or something stupid like that). Just be the great Mom that you know you are.

I'm sick of feeling like a criminal

So stop acting as if you're being treated like one. You're not. Like I said, they are simply investigating the best custody situation for your D. (because your H, stupidly IMO, got them involved when they really have no reason to be!)

I'm being treated, have always gotten treatment when I needed it. It doesn't interfere with my parenting.

I'm sure if you polled 300 people in nyc on 42nd and 5th, 285 people are on zoloft or prozac!

EXACTLY!!! I wouldn't be at all surprised to find out the social services person and the judge, or at least people they know and love, are too.

[NikB]

I almost forgot...

((((Mary)))))

[Sara]

If for some reason the judge is not ready to make a decision regarding custody on Friday, you might ask your lawyer to have your daughter given to you for the next week. Your husband has had her for 2 weeks already. It is your turn.

[NikB]

GREAT point Sara. Good idea.

Thinking of you Mary, and hope your visit with D went/is going well!

[sgctxok]

If for some reason the judge is not ready to make a decision regarding custody on Friday, you might ask your lawyer to have your daughter given to you for the next week. Your husband has had her for 2 weeks already. It is your turn.

Great solution-oriented thinking!!!

[spark]

just saw d5, it almost hurts to see her for only 2 hours than to not see her at all. we took a walk by the river and made sand castles. she had fun with me which felt good.

h "waited" in his car (a good 5 blocks away). when I saw him he had this ring on his right hand. I asked him what it was (he never wears jewelry) and of course it's from ow and she has one. I didn't make an issue. but i have to admit it hurt when I thought about it on the way home.

d5 will be interviewed by child advocate tomorrow and h and I will be interviewed on friday. I'm so terrified.

[Virtually_Handsome]

I asked him what it was (he never wears jewelry) and of course it's from ow and she has one. I didn't make an issue. but i have to admit it hurt when I thought about it on the way home.

As soon as you mentioned it you made it an issue.

Don't worry about the child advocate. They are not trying to take her away from you.