custody hearing on friday -- so scared

[spark]

you're scaring me nik! I can't take this anymore. I feel so terrified. I KNOW I'm a good mother. HOw would ANYONE react going through this? from the bomb, to the affair, to leaving, now this??? I've actually been in excellent mental shape for d (except for that incident) and no one is questioning h's psycho behavior. I"m only human. I'm doing the best I can here.

It was painful enough losing h but I never broke down in front of her and never said an ill word to her about her dad. I have comforted her, been a rock. this I can honestly say. I am the one who has found therapy for her, not h. I've been the one who picks up the pieces when daddy leaves for the week. but no one sees this.

[NikB]

No no no - I didn't mean to scare you! I was just saying that's why I'm emphasizing (and so is your L) the need to remain calm. That's all. You've been doing a great job of it since then, and no way are they going to base the decision on ONE incident that happened in an extremely stressful situation.

no one is questioning h's psycho behavior.

I hope you're kidding!! Your L is not bringing all this stuff up to the social worker, and the judge?????

I am the one who has found therapy for her, not h.

Again... I hope you're kidding about them not seeing this!

PLEASE tell me you and your L are documenting this stuff and telling the social workers and the judge. The work you've done with her teachers, the therapy, all of that. And now that I think about it didn't the school C seem like your H was a bit off his rocker when you met with her? Can the social workers talk to her and get her take??

[spark]

my lawyer has been practicing for 43 years and has heard all of this before. he says the judges, etc. have heard all of this before. h is grasping at anything and everything.

i just feel so out of control. I am a very pro-solution person and it's hard for me to sit back and do nothing. but that is exactly what I've told to do until friday. just be calm.

i will see d tomorrow (and h) and I will be calm. I'm not giving him more ammunition, believe me. I feel like I'm living a nightmere and I feel like I'm being abused, no kidding.

i thought h would be "smart enough" not to ever go here. he NEVER questioned that I would have custody during the week until 2 weeks ago when I wouldn't let him in the house. this is pure relatiation.

I just want my d back. I want my life back. I want to feel relief again and enjoy life. before this happened 2 weeks ago I was beginning to feel optimistic about the future. school, accepting that h isn't for me, exitement about new possibilities, being a great mom for d.

look where standing up for myself got me.

[Virtually_Handsome]

maryangela, standing up for yourself is getting you out of his control. It's a good thing!

Listen to your lawyer, he is taking care of you!

[NikB]

my lawyer has been practicing for 43 years and has heard all of this before. he says the judges, etc. have heard all of this before. h is grasping at anything and everything.

I sincerely hope he is telling them all of the stuff your H is doing even though they've "heard it all before." You're right, he is grasping for things. And you have some VERY solid crazy behavior on his part that you can point to.

just be calm.

(((Mary)))

It's tough to see it but this IS doing something. Look how much work it takes - it's doing something.

I feel like I'm being abused, no kidding.

Because you are - your H is absolutely emotionally abusing you right now. Probably has been for a long time now.

i thought h would be "smart enough" not to ever go here. he NEVER questioned that I would have custody during the week until 2 weeks ago when I wouldn't let him in the house. this is pure relatiation.

Maybe, maybe not. It could be that he finally realized how much child support was going to cost, or OW pushed him to do this, or family influence, or who knows what else. Don't blame yourself for his psycho actions, they are not your fault.

before this happened 2 weeks ago I was beginning to feel optimistic about the future. school, accepting that h isn't for me, exitement about new possibilities, being a great mom for d.

((((Mary))))

Good!! You'll get back here again. And I think it will be VERY soon once the custody mess is over, since you were already starting to get there. You know you have it in you. Calm and patience, you'll get there. Look how much has changed since 2 weeks ago. Look 2 weeks ahead and realize how much more will have changed (and I truly believe, for the better).

look where standing up for myself got me.

Oh please. I'm not buying this, and I sure hope you quit buying it. What's your alternative? Living as a doormat under the control of an abusive man who yanks you around at every whim?? Teaching your daughter that's how a man should treat you???

[sgctxok]

I know I need to calm down, but it's so hard. my lawyer said that is the key, for me to be calm.

I just miss d so much. she's my family, my life. guys, I need all your prayers here.

Your lawyer said it and we have said it.

Just do it. Put your mind somewhere else.


We're praying

[sgctxok]

my lawyer has been practicing for 43 years and has heard all of this before. he says the judges, etc. have heard all of this before. h is grasping at anything and everything.

i just feel so out of control. I am a very pro-solution person and it's hard for me to sit back and do nothing. but that is exactly what I've told to do until friday. just be calm.

i will see d tomorrow (and h) and I will be calm. I'm not giving him more ammunition, believe me. I feel like I'm living a nightmere and I feel like I'm being abused, no kidding.

i thought h would be "smart enough" not to ever go here. he NEVER questioned that I would have custody during the week until 2 weeks ago when I wouldn't let him in the house. this is pure relatiation.

I just want my d back. I want my life back. I want to feel relief again and enjoy life. before this happened 2 weeks ago I was beginning to feel optimistic about the future. school, accepting that h isn't for me, exitement about new possibilities, being a great mom for d.

look where standing up for myself got me.

knock it off.

[sgctxok]

How has your day gone OTHERWISE? How was work? Did you work out? Do you have any fun friends?

[NikB]

How has your day gone OTHERWISE? How was work? Did you work out? Do you have any fun friends?

What she said.

[phbear316]

Maryangela

Listen to NikB and SG

Stop putting yourself down. Look where standing up for yourself has gotten you. Are you kidding me. So would you just rather just go into a corner and rock back and forth and cry. NO you are strong, you will get up, wipe your face, and do this for your D and for you.

Yes, honey you are being abused, you can stop it and you are stopping it. The more you show him how much he upsets you and sets you off into these tail spins of self loathing and worthlessness is just like him putting his hands on you.

Abuse is abuse, verbal or physical. You know the stronger and taller you stand there more he loses his power and control over you. So I say this again , and i will keep saying it maryangela

STAND UP! You are a strong woman, STAND UP TO HIM.

The taller and stronger you stand, the more he loses.

You can do this you know how to stand up to him. Just don't give into him.
You cannot see the effect of you being calm and quiet and not getting into with him, makes him more out of control, for he is not controlling you. Cut the strings, let go.

Be Maryangela, be yourself. Be a mom. Be the warm and wonderful person we all know you are. Be a loving person. Show your h, your life will go on. I know this has to be so hard for you for not having your D right now. But that is the key word, right now. That will change very soon.

Just keep being the loving person you are. Take a friend out to dinner, rent a funny movie, put your ipod in your ears and sing on the top of your lungs. Go to a book store, go to a dollar store and buy some chalk and bubbles and give them to your d when she comes home this weekend and use them.

Shut him out show him he is not getting to you, when he talks to you start singing row row row your boat in your head. My personal favorite was just keep swimming from finding nemo.

Trust your lawyer, but most of all trust yourself. Keep control. The truth will be seen soon.

You cannot fix yesterday, you can learn from today to make tomorrow better.

You will survive. just like we all have here.

hugs
bear