Strength will serve you much better than fear and trembling.
Bullies bow to those who stand strong against them.
Truth, honor, integrity, and strength will slay the meanest and toughest bully out there.
The bully wins when we allow his intimidation to revert us to a state of weakness.
If your own self worth is not enough to compel you to be strong, surely your daughter is worth enough to cause you to put aside this weakness and trembling.
Always do what is right. Always take the high road. Refuse to enter into a war of words. The bully will often use angry words to force into a behavior that he can use against us. You have to be wiser than the bully, recognize the trap, and refuse to play that game.
Refer everything possible to the lawyers. This is not a man that you will EVER be able to reason with. The man you fell in love with is, at least temporarily, gone. Do not allow your past feelings for him to falsely convince you that he deserves your compassion or the benefit of the doubt.
Make no mistake, this is now a battle. But you are on the side of what is right.
Blessings,
Bill
"Don't tell me the sky is the limit when there are footprints on the moon."
I like the part where you calmly told him to have his lawyer call your lawyer. And then the part about the car and the legal fees. You are a lot stronger than you allow yourself to believe you are.
Your husband thinks he's some kind of caveman who can hit a woman on the head, drag her to his cave, and then throw her away when he wants a new one. He will be introduced to the real world by the judge. And if he doesn't comply they will take it directly out of his paycheck before he gets it.
starting a new job today. dreading it. I don't know why I think I can't take care of myself. I've always worked, but we've been upstate now for almost a year and a half and i've basically been a stay at home mom.
I'm actually working with a from based in nyc (marketing online), but now that I REALLY have to take care of myself, it's scary. and of course, the first thing I thought of today when I woke up, is "I have to get Isabella up for school". well, she's not here. my heart sank.
I know I keep rambling with this, but it's so amazing to me that h could 1. drop bomb, 2. hide affair, 3. even have affair, 4. when I caught him red-handed, was awful about it, 4. moved out and now this!!! It's like he wants me to lose everything. he wants to destroy me. sorry I am sounding like a victim and I expect some 2x4's, but my confidence is a bit low here.
Listen, you just have new day, new job butterflies. Its ok. Take a deep breath. You will be fine.
You know what, going back to work is probably the best thing for you, It will keep your mind off of what you think your h is trying to do to you. YOu will be thinking about all the new things you have to do in your new job. And all the new people you are going to meet.
Embrace it. For you never know what kind of friends you are going to make in this new job.
Its been over two years since h and I have been having problems and one year ago since he dropped the bomb on me about the affair. Not one day did I not get myself out of bed and go to work. I have only called out sick two days in the last two years.
My friends at work are like family to me, they make me laugh and keep me on my toes. There for me when i need a shoulder to cry on. Since I have been telling everyone that h and I are separated and getting a Divorce, they have been so much more supportive than I ever thought.
Take the high road Maryangela, not the low one. Be strong. Yes all the things you listed above hurt, I agree 100%. But you know what, you will begin to see the wrongs in all this.
You may think and you are letting yourself believe that he wants you to lose everything, destroy you. But you know what he will only be successful in that if you let me. Stand tall Maryangela, The more you show him what he is doing to you is getting to you, the more he is going to push you. Stand up, don't budge, start to learn to push back. Better yet, walk away from him, don't listen don't react to what he has to say. He starts again with the crap about the car, tell him really, well then that means you are entitled to half of the new car he bought.
Just remember everything in the marriage is split 50/50. Let that comment about the car run off you. Laugh at it. Listen he is going to have to pay child support to you and alimony how long have you been married? and what kind of job does he have? does he make more money than you!
These are all steps which you will take in time. Take it all one step at a time.
You need to take care of yourself first....
Have a wonderful new day at work. Tell us all about it later on!
hugs bear
Last edited by phbear316; 06/09/0811:40 AM.
Me 42-Him 40 T20yrs Married 16yrs 2/06 H- "not sure if i want to be married anymore" 6/07 H-"I'm not happy" 9/07 Admits affair & OW 12/08 I moved out 12/09 still waiting for divorce
I'm feeling a little calmer. I'm getting my ducks in a row. I've got one letter from doctor and am in the process of getting other letters from psychiatrist and therapist.
I will NOT speak to h until wed when I see d and even then I will be quiet. I can promise you that.
you guys are right. I've totally been giving him my power and believing everything he says. he isn't the law. I haven't done anything to endanger my child and I hope and pray the advocate and judge see this and don't succumb to h's lies.
I feel lonely that d isn't here. she's my family. I can't fathom not having her. my I have to put my faith in god that things will work out.
Judges see this crap all the time. Your H's motives are transparent. His concern for his d5, not so much. Where was his concern when he put a lock on the thermostat? The judge will be angry with him.
I'm glad you are feeling calmer. You need to stay calm and keep your resolve to stop fighting with h. Your life truly depends upon it.
I'm doing my best here. he said everything is 100 percent in my favor, but what he is concerned about is that when I heard those passages out of my journal taken out of context I DID have some reactions (like "what"? not loudly). he is concerned as social services was there that they may feel I can't "control myself". other than that he feels everything will be fine.
I'm doing my best here. he said everything is 100 percent in my favor, but what he is concerned about is that when I heard those passages out of my journal taken out of context I DID have some reactions (like "what"? not loudly). he is concerned as social services was there that they may feel I can't "control myself". other than that he feels everything will be fine.
Who is "he"? Your L?
As for the reactions.. do your best to keep that stuff under control but I think that's probably pretty normal. You're not a robot, you're going to have a reaction to things sometimes.
(((Mary)))
Good luck with the new job!! Focus on that this week, to help keep your mind off the hearing.
Me 35, H 38; Together 13.5 yrs, M 7 Bomb 1 10/07/06 Sep'd 1/14/07 - 4/15 Piecing: 4/07 - 9/07 Bomb 3 10/11/07: Never loved you, let's separate 2/08 slowly improving 7/08 Piecing (7/25/08 rings back on!!) Current thread
yes, "he" is my lawyer. I'm proud of myself in the sense that I got letters faxed today by everyone from dr, to therapist, etc. all really positive letters.
yes, I have to keep my reactions under control, I will wear a rubber band at the next hearing on my wrist and snap it when I feel like saying something out of turn.
