First off Donna, yes we are both adults. She is 25 and I am 39,that is a significant age difference.
When I decided to start dating, my first date was 24 years old. I'm 46..
I'm now exclusively dating a Woman who is 4 years older than me and there doesn't seem to be to much difference in our interaction then it was with the 24 year old. Well, except maybe for their focus and attention, I think the younger one had ADD.
Anyway, age is just a number! It's your frame of mind that narrows that difference. Don't be so stuffy, stagnate, structured, or "stable"! Just have some fun with it and keep an open mind.
Your a Father first, your kids are number #1 on the priority list, but your also human. You can be both a Dad and a single Man.
"It is curious that physical courage should be so common in the world and moral courage so rare." -Mark Twain
Hi Ian! I'm sorry to see you're hurting and struggling a little...
Quote:
My dilemma is that I feel guilty for valuing "me time" and am not used to feeling guilty when it comes to my children.
I think this is a typical feeling for those of us trying to put our lives back together. And it's also an issue I beat to death with my C everytime I go to her. The thing is, as per my C, your kids benefit from having a happy dad. And you are entitled to your 'me time'... not only that, but you are setting an example that they should place value on this when they are in a marriage and/or have kids. We do need to put our needs first at times and that doesn't make us a bad parent. Quite the opposite actually. But I HEAR you. And I FEEL that too. And my C knows we're going to talk about it frequently b/c it is a tough issue.
Every other Sunday I feel the guilt of being relieved that he is going back with his mom. ... It seems like all I do is clean my house, do laundry, pay bills. It seems like there is no time for anything else in life. It feels like I am so fricken old. I hate this feeling.
hon, I work full time and I come home at 6'ish, somedays, after 2hrs of being with the kids I eye the clock and hope it is bedtime :P It is draining, parenting alone is hard (my s10 is punished double this week with no dessert nor wii). No need to feel guilty, you are just a human being doing the job that was meant to be done by two people. This is relatively new ground for you and you will get your groove back...but what with the D and all your energy has been depleted pretty fast. We'll find our balance and patience (parenting alone) because it can and has been done, we are green horns for now.
"me"time is crucial, in it one recharges the batteries, we remember that we also like to *gasp* do stuff that doens't have to do with bills/cleaning/upkeep of the living quarters.
Be not afraid...I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten Joel2
30something 2kids survivor of S, MLC, A, D I have peace in my heart, at last.
And find ONE single on this website who was treated fairly and wasn't given the short end of the stick....
And yes I also know what it feels like to be so overwhelmed with "kidstuff" and with being in charge and how wonderful it would be to just escape from it all.
You fought your arse off for those kids for a reason.
Yes you also deserve a break, and a chance to unwind and to relax
But there are other ways to do it.
Sorry, no high 5's or pats on the back from me.
To thine own self be true, even if not to everyone else.
(((((((hugs)))))))
There can be no testimony without a test. I am praying to go through this test and come out the other end with a new and better marriage then before.
For all intents and purposes, a single Dad here too.
Of course you may know that I will soon be married again, though we will not be living together for some time - because of promises made to my youngest son.
For the past 21 months I have parented my now 16 year old by myself. I think in that time he has spent a grand total of maybe 7 days with his Mom. All the cleaning, all the meals, all the laundry, all the schedules that have to be met.
And it does wear you out. And you do reach the point where you would like to have some me time.
I also know that I wouldn't trade my setup for what my ex has for anything in the world.
When Deb and I started communicating, it was difficult for me to take a couple hours from my evening and devote them completely to talking with her. I felt like I was taking away from my son.
We talked about it. Of course he's a little older, so when I got to the point of explaining to him that I had feelings for this person and that I needed some time to build that relationship with her, he pretty much gave me the "no problem" response.
You never stop worrying about the line between father and man. My sons come first right now, because I have to be sure that they know they have a parent who loves them and is always there for them. But Debra comes first too. She and I wrestle with this language all the time. For her and I to have the future we want to have, we need our time together as well.
When we were married it was not a problem. The relationship came before the kids. By the time the kids rolled around we could reasonably take on the mantle of parental responsibility and not feel as though we were sacrificing our love relationship in the process.
Now we're approaching this from a different direction.
But in the same way that we made kids work when they came into the marriage, it is possible to make a relationship work that is brought in to our family life.
And even if you're not talking about the relationship, but just about "me time", I still think it's possible for both. Feeding yourself is not neglecting or shirking your role as Dad. And you know as well as I do that feeling like you're ready for a break is not a bad thing. It's reality.
I have no fear that you would ever place your kids second in your life just to feed your desires. Perhaps what you're dealing with is the new reality of your new life.
New is just new, not necessarily bad.
Blessings,
Bill
"Don't tell me the sky is the limit when there are footprints on the moon."
There are other ways to do it. However, I am not inclined to end this way just yet. Maybe in time, not exactly sure yet.
I would never ever complain about the time spent on my kids to you. You are amazing and I have no idea how you do what you do. I certainly hope that didnt rub you the wrong way, I have a great deal of respect for you and consider you a superparent......cape and all.......
Come on.. You are only doing the laundry, washing dishes, vacuuming, cooking dinner and the phone fell into the toilet just as your youngest was flushing it.. all at the same time !?
Can I substitute liquid soap for laundry detergent btw ??
