There is a time and a season for everything. Seize the favorable opportunity for every good purpose in your life.
sofaraway....
I love your honesty. And I love the way you help people on the board.
I understand feeling tired of being a single parent, being tired of feeling old. And loving the free feelings and the times when you get to feel younger and 'have fun'.
You know I came here 2 R's after my divorce. I really hated having all the responsibility...no break, money problems....my ex stopped visiting and taking the kids. (I dated a guy 9 years younger than me for awhile.)
After a few years, and because I'm slow, it took a few years.....it just becamse my joy. Not money problems, I still hate that. But the rest I enjoy....and I think its because of the relationships with my kids.
It will come. You are a good man. And you will take the high road, even if you slip sometimes.
echoing Lissie:
Have faith. Be good in all that you do.
and I know you will.
Last edited by sgctxok; 06/08/0806:18 PM.
sg Love is PATIENT, love is KIND, LOVE never fails / DB since 2001
Ian- We know that the optimal situation is to have two committed parents raising their children together. And we remember what that felt like--it IS so much easier. Everything that was done with two sets of hands now has to be done with one.
But you have found a reason to smile again, get in touch with a forgotten aspect of who you are. You are both adults (I hope!!), and have gone into things eyes wide open. Have fun. Its not a matter of feeling older/younger, but experiencing different parts of you. I remember a glipse into that a few years ago when I went on a training where I was easily 10 years older than everyone else, but just blended into the group for work and social things. I felt like I took a trip in a time machine.
Both "lives" have value, but I know how hard it is to manage them. Me, I would like to have some time for that other life, but only get 4 nights a month. I want more, but hate being away from my kids, so that will take precendence for now. When they are older, I might be able to tolerate more time away, and then I hope the schedule might change--we'll see.
Are you feeling guilty for adapting to the schedule as it is right now? Because it is ok to be ok...
Or are you feeling less ok when it is your turn to take the kids, than when you are on your own?
Either way, we still all know that you are a good man...
First off Donna, yes we are both adults. She is 25 and I am 39,that is a significant age difference.
My dilemma is that I feel guilty for valuing "me time" and am not used to feeling guilty when it comes to my children.
I talked to Kev for a long time today. He has a very different perspective on things and eased my mind a little bit. He gave me some insight as to why I am feeling bad. It is IMO because for so long I have fought this battle to have my children with me. I have not ever wanted time away from them. Now that I actually am grasping that this is what my life with my kids will be from now on, I am actually craving that alone time.
The girlfriend came over tonight. We talked a lot about how I am feeling and she seems to understand. She says that she loves that I am so into my kids because in her culture most dads simply walk away and do not look back and the mothers are left to raise the children. She has no kids, but says that if she ever did she would want a man to fight for his children as well.
She told me that in El Salvador it is not uncommon for a man to have kids with 2 or 3 different women and to only be a father to the children of the current woman that he is with. Pretty sad........
I still crave the day when my kids come home to me, so it isnt that. However, when they are with me at some point it switches to me craving that time alone and with the girlfriend. As I said, it just doesnt feel stable to have different feelings on different days.
Someone posted, ATGO I believe, that it is ok to not have constant stability. I guess I just didnt get that. I love the stability of married life. I miss that feeling that everything is flowing on a track.
We also spoke tonight about my kids and she understands that I do not want them introduced to anyone new in my life until I am sure that it is a long term thing as I do not want them hurt getting to know someone and then having them removed from their lives. She understood that as well and told me when and if that time comes, we will talk about it then.
The one odd question that she asked me was if I am over my wife. I told her, "Yes and no, I am over wanting to be with her but I am still hurt by all that transpired to end our marriage." I also asked to not to mistake that for any desire to be with my STBX. I guess in retrospect it isn't that odd. She has every right to ask that question of me as I am sure it scares her dating an older guy in the middle of a divorce with three kids. Jeesh.... what the hell is she doing with me
I am not sure I can be absolutely candid at the moment.. but we are paralelling, eh ?
My boys just came home from their weekend with their mom.. and we are off to the beach next saturday for a week ,.. just them and me. Should be interesting.. in the last 72 hrs.. I went to hear a band with friend A.. was invited over for a pool party with friend B.. and went to a bday party with friend C..
I wonder if I should get another sports car !!?? Anyway..
You are an adult and it has its privileges you know ? Dont feel guilty for living life for YOU !.. when you get the chance of course..
That is all... Now I have to do the laundry.. again.. sigh..
Anyway.. all that time and effort I spent on dealing with the mental health issues of my x.. well.. it is spent on me now when I can do that..
I am getting back to the social person I was before the M.. before the R.. . finding Tom again. I like it btw.. I think I have landed a gig as this band's manager btw.. What fun ! I think I will need a plaid jacket or something ?
I gotcha Tom.... you know it's just a matter of when the hammer dropped we fought so damn hard and many times forgot to live for ourselves as well. The change, all be it a good one, is hard to get used to.
