My husband's MLC

[Andabelle]

IMO all is fair in love and war. I don't understand why you should have to beat yourself up.

[Jack_Three_Beans]

IMO all is fair in love and war.

I wonder how many OMs or OWs feel that way too?

[Lissie]

Holy Detective shows, Batman.

You got some mad Skillz.

Now you maybe you should use your super powers for good instead of not so good.

I am not judging you.

I just see sort of a desperation here.

When you fall in love, you are willing to lose them, in order for them to be happy. We many times don't have a choice.

You are willing to go without. It is not putting yourself on the back burner, or you not living your life.

It is just letting them go, and not trying to "trap" them back. Don't you want him to come back b/c of his own recognizance?

I hope that you both can sit down one day, and be able to be honest with each other.

I think it is very strong of you to admit it here.

[new_attitude]

Wow- you got the result you wanted, but now you have to live with keeping a secret from him. I think you need to find a way to tell him what you did, in good time. If you forgave him for his infidelity, he should find a way to forgive you for your sneakiness.

[tpaschal]

Wow- you got the result you wanted, but now you have to live with keeping a secret from him. I think you need to find a way to tell him what you did, in good time. If you forgave him for his infidelity, he should find a way to forgive you for your sneakiness.

Umm...I may get some 2x4's, but I'm not sure telling him is a good idea. What purpose would it serve?

Would it help or hurt your husband?

Would it help or hurt the marriage?

Would it help or hurt your chances at a happy future together?

I am NOT saying that what you did was right. It was manipulative and controlling, and that is not okay. But it is something you did out of desperation, and many of us here might have done the same thing if faced with the same situation. (And had your "mad skillz!!!" LOL.)

But it is in the past. Definitely go to counseling, with him or without him. Work through it with your counselor, understand why you did it and why you were able to justify it to yourself, forgive yourself for it, and commit to 100% honesty from here on out. If you are able to forgive him for cheating, and he is able to work through his MLC issues and recommit to the marriage, how would telling him help? I foresee that it would be the end of the marriage.

If you must tell him, wait until you are in your 70's or 80's and have blissfully happy lives with your grandchildren scampering around you. By then, he might even laugh at it. But for now, take it to God, take it here, take it to your counselor, not to your H.

Just MO, of course.

[Worstdayinmylife]

I guess curiousity got the better of me and I have logged back in.

I don't really feel I trapped him. I just broke up his affair. If he doesn't want to be here, he can still leave. I don't know which way he would have gone without my meddling, but I am not holding him here.

I have a disability that will one day will cause me to not be able to work. I am off work now and don't know if it will be too painful to continue when I go back. I guess there is a certain amount of desperation to keep my husband. BUT I do love him. I always have and I always will. This affair is so contrary to his character, that it takes my breath away everytime it pops into my head. So about 80 million times a day, my guts fall to the floor and I feel a little dizzy.

I don't know what will happen, he is becoming more like his old self. But I know our lives will never be the same. It is like an innocence lost. I hate that.

[Bworl]

It IS an innocence lost. You can rebuild the trust though.

Don't take our comments as nothing but criticism. I'm amazed at what you did and, on some levels, incredibly impressed.

I know this. Throughout my previous marriage, I did things I should not have done. No affairs or anything like that mind you, but things that hurt my ex-wife when she found out. And this is what I know from my experience. They always find out. And until they do, this kind of thing can hang over your head and affect YOU in a negative way.

Still, having said that, I waver on telling him or not.

Please do try to see a counselor alone. Talk about this, see what he/she has to say about coming clean with this. Then look in your heart and ask yourself if you will be able to deal with always knowing about this.

I pray that your husband is back on track. That this was an aberration.

Blessings,

bill

[Jack_Three_Beans]

I don't really feel I trapped him. I just broke up his affair.

You did trick him though.

If he doesn't want to be here, he can still leave.

Unless its via email. : )

I cannot argue with your results.
The ends however do not justify the means.
There is an innocence lost.

[Worstdayinmylife]

We are now in our late 40's. We both decided that we didn't want to have children, so there won't be any grandchildren running around. I think now that that makes it even scarier for me. It kills me to think of having to be alone without him. I can't even imagine it.

[Sara]

Sometimes you just have to put the past behind you. You need to fogive him for his failings. And you need to forgive yourself for your failings. And then you just leave the baggage behind. I don't believe that telling each other your secrets will improve your relationship. I think if you can concoct a scaled down version of your wrongdoing, and admit to that, get forgiven and move on, that is for the best.

Garbage is garbage. Don't drag it around with you, and don't go sifting through it looking for hidden meanings. Get rid of it. If you need to go confess to a priest, then do that. But confessing to your husband will not help you or him in any way.