Pregnant and trying to be stronger

[blindsided1]

H is planning to be with me for the delivery. As of now, it looks like it's going to be a C-section - she's breech. I guess what also is worrying me is that I know being there is really important to him. But, it's important to him because he wants to be there for the baby, not to support ME. I'm very scared about the C-section. Can't help it, surgery does that to me. I need to feel cared about and safe and I worry that H just isn't going to do that for me. Part of me really does not want him there. I can only have 1 person in there with me and I'm afraid that H just won't step up for me. That the only reason he would be there is for him. It's pretty obvious that H doesn't really care about me. He may care about his D eventually, but I'm just an afterthought. I'm really trying not to let this get to me. But, I just feel soooo let down by this whole thing. I feel let down by my H. I feel that I am letting myself down by holding on. I just feel really blue today and pretty pessimistic. I don't see anyway that H will ever change. And, it does piss me off that he has everything that he wants. He gets rewarded for destroying our family and our marriage. It's just unbelieveable to me.

[S.T. _I Made It!]

hey B. there are LOTS of people who care about you. maybe we can't all be THERE with you, but we are in spirit.

Really, stop focusing on what you think your H is feeling. Maybe he's detached from you totally, or maybe the closer you get to delivering this baby, the more scared he's getting of the real problems he's going to be facing. But who knows. just stop focusing on what YOU think he's thinking. you don't know. none of us may know.

The problem when you focus on these things so much is two-fold. One, it causes you to feel bad about yourself and two, it causes you to react to H differently.

Just do what Forest says, and focus on you. Don't be selfish, but focus on the things you need to be the best you that you can be. Keep praying and build your R with Christ.

I'm sorry to hear your baby is still breached. There are lamaze ladies that will do some type of massaging to help the baby position the right way. I will look online about that. I would like to see you deliver w/o the c-section, but either way, your going to have a wonderful baby that is going to be a huge blessing for you.

[S.T. _I Made It!]

Turn Around Time: Techniques For Helping Turn Around A Breech Baby

by Mia Bolaris-Forget (Staff Writer LIWeddings)

Breach Birth according to Wikipedia is: A breech birth (also known as breech presentation) refers to the position of the baby in the uterus such that it will be delivered buttocks first as opposed to the normal head first position. And, this is often associated with some risks for both mother and child., which is why many professionals recommend making an attempt to turn the baby around.

Here are a few ways to help make the turn around

· Take a deep breath: Experts suggest sitting with your eyes closed and taking a breather, literally, practicing relaxation techniques that may encourage the baby to try to turn around on his or her own.

· Take the plunge: Take a few laps in the pool say experts. Not only is this good exercise, but it also helps keep your hips and pelvis loose and the gravity-free zone may help the baby turn.

· Breech tilt: Experts suggest leaning a flat surface on your bed, couch etc and laying on it with your feet elevated and your head toward the floor, with some pillows under your pelvis for about 15 minutes several times each day.

· Practice the pelvic tilt: Pretty much the same concept as above, only “mom” is lying on the floor. Experts suggest putting some ice or bags of frozen veggies on your belly (creating an aversion for your baby) and propping some pillows under your pelvis keeping it tilted in the air.

· Go around in circles: Consider a circular massage while you are in one of the above-mentioned tilt positions. Experts suggest gently applying some lotion and massaging your belly in a circular motion with both hands.

· Bright ideas: Take a flashlight and beginning at the top of your belly, run the light from your tummy to your pelvis. Some experts suggest that the unborn child will follow the light and turn with it. And, they recommend doing this while in one of the tilt positions.

· Stay “in-tune” Experts recommend taking headphones and placing them near your pelvis, some suggesting that the baby, upon hearing the music will be inclined to turn toward it. They recommend classical music for best results.

· Climb the walls: Similar to the tilts, this “exercise” suggests that you lay on your back, with pelvis propped up, and walk your feet up the wall.

· Scentsational ideas: Some suggest flower essences for a host of pregnancy issues including turning a breach baby around. For this they recommend Bougainvilla Essence and following the instructions on the bottle.

· Puslstilla: This is a homeopathic approach often taken to help turn baby around. Experts suggest implementing this method as soon as you find out your baby is breech but caution against using past four weeks from your due date. They also suggest asking your midwife or doula for assistance with this method.

· Make adjustments: Consider a chiropractor asking him or her to perform what is known as a Webster’s Breech Technique. Just make sure your practitioner is qualified and experienced in this area before allowing him or her to work on you. Also, regular chiropractic care will help keep your pelvis open giving the baby more room to move and turn.

· Find your pressure points: Some suggest an acupressure technique know as moxibustion that is uses with heat on a pressure point on your toe. Just remember, that, again, the accupressurist MUST be skilled and qualified especially since placement of the heat is crucial to the technique’s success.

[S.T. _I Made It!]

here's a website to check out.

http://www.birthinternational.com/articles/andrea13.html

also mentions one of the ways described above has a 70% success rate.

[S.T. _I Made It!]

http://www.healthed.govt.nz/uploads/docs/HP3860.pdf

[JennyF]

blindsided,
I've been away for a while...lots has happened that I haven't caught up on, but I want to reply specifically to your post on the C-section.

I was in the exact same boat. A scheduled C section, breech baby, decision whether to have him there or not.

I guess what also is worrying me is that I know being there is really important to him. But, it's important to him because he wants to be there for the baby, not to support ME.

I know this sounds crazy, but try not to take this personally. Just think of Kendall, it is good for HER that he wants to be there. I personally was of the opinion that if I couldn't hold my baby for the first time (because of the surgery), then I thought it should be his father who held him first. For the baby.

I'm very scared about the C-section. Can't help it, surgery does that to me.

I hear you. It was a little different for me because it was my second C-section. Know that it is very routine for the Dr's and you're in good hands.

I need to feel cared about and safe and I worry that H just isn't going to do that for me.

Would anyone else be able to do this for you? If so, then consider it. For me, I knew that no one could actually give me what I wanted in that delivery room. Not H..or my mom...or anyone. I wanted to feel loved as I brought our child into the world. I wanted to feel like a family. But blindsided, no one is going to be able to give you this right now. And the decision to have him there or not have him there won't make a difference as to whether you get it or not. I speak from experience, but not to convince you to have him there. If you don't want to, you shouldn't. Again, that is one reason why I didn't make the firm decision until the night before, I had to base it on how I was emotionally feeling at the time.

Part of me really does not want him there. I can only have 1 person in there with me and I'm afraid that H just won't step up for me.

What do you deam as "step up for me"? Is this is an expectation that he is going to do something for you in that delivery room. I think you're setting yourself up for disappointment. You'll be letting him in in the hopes that he is going to have his epiphany and finally 'step up'...and if he doesn't you'll feel let down again.
But if you drop the expectation and just have him there to take part in the birth of his daughter, then it could be a wonderful experience for you both. Even if it is individual experiences...and not the perfect way you pictured it. Forget that perfect picture...when you see your daughter your picture will perfect. I promise.

That the only reason he would be there is for him. It's pretty obvious that H doesn't really care about me. He may care about his D eventually, but I'm just an afterthought.

There is going to come a point in all of this...especially as the two of you begin to co-parent, that you are going to face this often. What I mean you will have to face, is that it isn't going to be about you, it will now always be about Kendall. So maybe try to think of it that it isn't about him, or you, but about HER.
And STOP putting the negative spins on things that don't warrant it. Why even call yourself an afterthought??? (Sorry...quick 2X4 there!)

I completely understand how you're feeling and how down you are. I know what it's like to feel scared and alone and like your dream has been shattered. I know what it's like to wonder if it is even right to bring a child into this craziness. I know that sounds awful, but it is the truth. I know what is running through your mind and your heart and I wish that I could put my arms around you and take it away. Silly me! I'm sitting here in tears right now as those memories come flooding back to me. I know I know I know. But you can and you will have this baby and be ok. You can and will have surgery and find the strength to support YOURSELF in that operating room. It is in YOU. Accept all of this for what it is right now and the strength will come.

You have gotten yourself this far girl, with flying colours. Be proud of yourself. And know that you are a strong woman who can do this without him. You've done it without him for a long time now, and you continue to do it every day.

I support you whether you choose to have him in the room or not. I personally am glad that H was there. He wasn't my husband in that room, but he was and will always be my son's father.
I love ya!!
J~

[JennyF]

blindsided,
I've been away for a while...lots has happened that I haven't caught up on, but I want to reply specifically to your post on the C-section.

I was in the exact same boat. A scheduled C section, breech baby, decision whether to have him there or not.

I guess what also is worrying me is that I know being there is really important to him. But, it's important to him because he wants to be there for the baby, not to support ME.

I know this sounds crazy, but try not to take this personally. Just think of Kendall, it is good for HER that he wants to be there. I personally was of the opinion that if I couldn't hold my baby for the first time (because of the surgery), then I thought it should be his father who held him first. For the baby.

I'm very scared about the C-section. Can't help it, surgery does that to me.

I hear you. It was a little different for me because it was my second C-section. Know that it is very routine for the Dr's and you're in good hands.

I need to feel cared about and safe and I worry that H just isn't going to do that for me.

Would anyone else be able to do this for you? If so, then consider it. For me, I knew that no one could actually give me what I wanted in that delivery room. Not H..or my mom...or anyone. I wanted to feel loved as I brought our child into the world. I wanted to feel like a family. But blindsided, no one is going to be able to give you this right now. And the decision to have him there or not have him there won't make a difference as to whether you get it or not. I speak from experience, but not to convince you to have him there. If you don't want to, you shouldn't. Again, that is one reason why I didn't make the firm decision until the night before, I had to base it on how I was emotionally feeling at the time.

Part of me really does not want him there. I can only have 1 person in there with me and I'm afraid that H just won't step up for me.

What do you deam as "step up for me"? Is this is an expectation that he is going to do something for you in that delivery room. I think you're setting yourself up for disappointment. You'll be letting him in in the hopes that he is going to have his epiphany and finally 'step up'...and if he doesn't you'll feel let down again.
But if you drop the expectation and just have him there to take part in the birth of his daughter, then it could be a wonderful experience for you both. Even if it is individual experiences...and not the perfect way you pictured it. Forget that perfect picture...when you see your daughter your picture will perfect. I promise.

That the only reason he would be there is for him. It's pretty obvious that H doesn't really care about me. He may care about his D eventually, but I'm just an afterthought.

There is going to come a point in all of this...especially as the two of you begin to co-parent, that you are going to face this often. What I mean you will have to face, is that it isn't going to be about you, it will now always be about Kendall. So maybe try to think of it that it isn't about him, or you, but about HER.
And STOP putting the negative spins on things that don't warrant it. Why even call yourself an afterthought??? (Sorry...quick 2X4 there!)

I completely understand how you're feeling and how down you are. I know what it's like to feel scared and alone and like your dream has been shattered. I know what it's like to wonder if it is even right to bring a child into this craziness. I know that sounds awful, but it is the truth. I know what is running through your mind and your heart and I wish that I could put my arms around you and take it away. Silly me! I'm sitting here in tears right now as those memories come flooding back to me. I know I know I know. But you can and you will have this baby and be ok. You can and will have surgery and find the strength to support YOURSELF in that operating room. It is in YOU. Accept all of this for what it is right now and the strength will come.

You have gotten yourself this far girl, with flying colours. Be proud of yourself. And know that you are a strong woman who can do this without him. You've done it without him for a long time now, and you continue to do it every day.

I support you whether you choose to have him in the room or not. I personally am glad that H was there. He wasn't my husband in that room, but he was and will always be my son's father.
I love ya!!
J~

[blindsided1]

ST - thanks for the information on breech babies. I actually have been doing some of those exercises. Today I go to the doctor, again. WE are supposed to schedule the C-section today. I know that I have a lot of people who love me and I am truly blessed because of that. I'm just very nervous about the birth. It has always been the one part of having a baby that scared the heck out of me. And, yes, I agree that H may be starting to get nervous, as well. I think he knows that Kendall is going to change his life. He isn't really good at handling big life changes. This is usually the time when he starts to act out. So, I wonder how things are going.

[blindsided1]

GM and Jenny - I feel better today. You make some really good points, Jenny. I do want him there, really. I am just hoping the if I start to freak out, he'll have enough compassion to calm me down instead of being totally self involved. That is what I meant by stepping up.

Hope you're doing well. I think of you often. It won't be long now.

[S.T. _I Made It!]

hey guys, I know how you feel about the kids. What is very important though is to release this bitterness that the H is loving the child and not you. I felt this too. It killed me so much. My s9 and I would cry together, probably not the best thing to do, but I never said hurtful things about H, but just that he was confused and that we needed to pray for him.

My point is that we want our children to have the BEST R with their dad's as possible. If we get jealous, or bitter or sad because of the lack of attention/love we are getting, then we are taking away from our children the good R that they are having with their dad. I know this is hard, but the more encouragement we give to our H about their R with their children, the better off things will be. They will be proud of their R with their children and continue trying to be a good dad, and their children will be rewarded for it.

B, I would also agree that if you have the c-section, that whoever said they had their H in the room so the baby could be held by their dad first was good advice IMHO. I never thought of it that way either. BUT, you really do have to let go of all those expectations or you will be let down. Most likely your going to be very involved with the labor (if your not doing the c-section) and you will be very distracted. The biggest thing in labor is to be as relaxed as you can. Don't tense up from the contractions, but try to get something to distract you. I actually had my sis poke my feet with her nails! Having one of those excercise balls was really nice for me too, it helped take some pressure off. I can't remember if I sat on it, or leaned over it, but it helped.

anyways, try not to worry so much about the birth, you will do fine and c-sections are very routine anymore.