Pregnant and trying to be stronger

[blindsided1]

Last Thread

Well, my last thread was about to lock up so I'm starting this one. Still Pregnant and trying to get stronger.

Forrest - you've been a really big help for me. I know that I don't do things your way. Correct me if I'm wrong, but your way. I'm getting really close to having this baby. My emotions (yes, I said the E word) ARE getting the best of me. It's extremely hard to be emotionless right now. Yesterday was a sad day for me. I felt pretty blue, but not horrible. I think it had a lot to do with lack of sleep, no contact with H and hormones. There are days when I feel really strong and refuse to put up with any crap from H. But, I bounce back and forth between those and days like yesterday.

Maybe you could suggest some specific things I could work on. I'm not always sure what you are asking/suggesting that I do. Although, I love your "to the point" posts, sometimes they are really short spurts of info and I don't always understand what you are suggesting. So, my question to you: How do you suggest I handle the sitch in the next couple weeks (keep in mind baby is coming, emotions are high)? I have resigned myself to NOT calling him. It's hard because I know he's doing the same thing. It would be easy for me to text him some info about baby or just about anything to get the conversation going. But, I'm not doing that. It DOES get me down when he doesn't contact me because I feel like he doesn't think about me. That's hard to deal with. I've been closer to this man than anyone, for the last 7 years. That is what I was dealing with yesterday. The loss of that closeness and the friendship is just that, another loss. I suppose it's a natural progression, but it still makes me sad. He used to call just to see what I was doing or how my family was or just to talk late at night. He hasn't done that in weeks. I just feel him pulling away and it makes me want to pick up the rope and tug. But, I'm NOT going to do it.

Stay with me here Forrest. There are some things that I have improved upon. I am NOT asking for H to help with things like I used to. I ask my brother. I try very hard to NOT let his crappy mood bring me down, too. I am trying to let go of the rope a little at a time. I am going to the courthouse next week to get information re custody and CS from Family Concilliation Court. Just stay with me, here.

[blindsided1]

ST - today is a better day. It was another night with lack of sleep. This time because there was a car accident behind myself at 12:15am and the commotion went on for over an hour. So, needless to say, I am living on about 4 1/2 hours of sleep. But, so far, I feel better than yesterday.

Tonight I have plans to go to a party for a little while with friends. I'm looking forward to that. But, not staying out too late. I need to rest.

[blindsided1]

Back from the doctor. Baby looks good, still breech. I was having lots of little contractions. They just told me to keep and eye on those contractions. Getting exciting.

Called my Mom and MIL to fill them in (like I always do). No call to H. He can call me if he wants to know how were doing.

Feeling better, can you tell?

[NikB]

Glad everything is looking good!!

[Forrest Gump]

"I know that I don't do things your way. Correct me if I'm wrong, but your way."

That is fine.. I have no issue with that at all. I am going to try and keep you heading down the right path. It is your life. I am just an observer.

"I'm getting really close to having this baby. My emotions (yes, I said the E word) ARE getting the best of me. It's extremely hard to be emotionless right now. Yesterday was a sad day for me. I felt pretty blue, but not horrible. I think it had a lot to do with lack of sleep, no contact with H and hormones. There are days when I feel really strong and refuse to put up with any crap from H. But, I bounce back and forth between those and days like yesterday. "

This is the hard part. I don't expect you to be great every day. If I have to kick you in the butt a little then OK. The thing is we all knew this was coming. Emotions, Hormones, Drama.. you just really have to work hard to pull yourself out of this. I know it seems impossible. If I could make it any easier I would. All I can do is bend your ear a little. You need to concentrate on you. 100%. You need to do things for yourself and get comfortable. Have books by the bed. Ice cream in the fridge. Ice in the ice maker. Anything to keep you busy. Whatever it is you like to do.. have lots of it close at hand. Sleeping is good.. the more of it you can do the easier it will be to handle the up and down swings.

Its hard for me to tell you exactly what to do. As I expect it is for other people posting here. I am not angry or mad.. I just want you to focus on making yourself comfortable.. whatever that means. I am not going anywhere I'll be right here typing my little bursts of info. Seriously.. the time is coming when you are going to need all your strength. I just want you to be prepared. For whatever is coming. Remember you want everything close at hand. Do your best to stop thinking about "Foolish Boy". Maybe take a little lesson from him.. and focus on what makes you happy right now.

[blindsided1]

Aaah - a lesson from him. Hmmm. That would entail being selfish, self-centered, me, me, me. That's what I'm working towards. I'm feeling pretty good right now. Scares me sometimes, feels like the calm before the storm. Re-focus!

[Startingover2]

Focus on that little girl that is coming and get yourself ready mentally and physically. Sounds like a csection is possible so make sure all your help is lined up etc. I agree with the others if H isn't even calling to check on you I would say blow him off until you go into labor and tell him you are on your way or if they schedule a csection tell him when. No more. He isn't standing up and you have too much on your plate to deal with him now.

Keep me posted!!!

[blindsided1]

It's kinda sad. H was really good about coming to the classes. He seemed pretty excited. Now, he's disappeared again. He doesn't check on me and the baby. It's pretty hurtful. Wednesday he is supposed to go with me to do all the pre-admission stuff. I'm not even going to remind him. If it's not important to him, I can't make it important to him. He sucks sometimes. Too wrapped up in his new life, I suppose.

[blindsided1]

Well, I hope everyone had a good weekend. I spent most of the weekend nesting - hardcore. I cleaned both Sat and Sun. I got a lot done, though. H didn't call all weekend. I had talked to MIL earlier on Sunday and then H called later Sunday afternoon. He only called be he had talked to him Mom and she told him that I had been having little contractions. He said "how come you didn't tell me when I talked to you Friday?" I said because I didn't talk to you Friday, I haven't talked to you since our class on Tuesday." Kinda of sad that he doesn't even know that he hasn't talked to me in 5 or 6 days. Back to being insignificant again, I suppose.
He's gone. It's pretty obvious that he has checked out of our M all together. He doesn't contact me or check on me or flirt with me like he did a few short weeks ago. I feel very alone and distant from him. Here we are, about to have a baby and he's completely detached. It's like we don't even exist. Well, at least I don't exist. We talked for a few minutes and he was just off somewhere else, I had to keep repeating myself. Then he said, "let me call you back in a minute". And, of course, did not. He's off in his own world and the baby and I don't seem to be part of that. I just want to stop caring, like he does. I'm tired of hurting and missing him and loving someone who obviously does not love me.

So, that's my Monday morning blues.

[StrgMarvelousWmn]

Oh {{{{{B}}}}}}

Iam so sorry that you are feeling down today. You are hitting a really emotional stage in your pregnancy and I so admire you for keeping things togetehr as well as you have thus far. Do not beat yourself up if you get a little down.

I believ God is capable of working miracles. Is H planning to be with you for delivery? My H says, even in his blue funk, that the births of our children were times he felt incredibly connected to me. Maybe just maybe, Miss Kendall's arrival may be the catalyst he needs to get his head out of his a$$.

SMW