Start of the long and bumpy road........

[TwinDad]

Jen,

No that is not too harsh. My W is admittedly self centered but then can be very giving. It is really kind of hard to explain she tends to take, take, thake and then give a whole bunch. Probably the biggest thing I am getting is a companion that I can confide in and who shares the same love for our children. I do admit that I do tend to give more than I take which I think might be something good that comes out of this S. I think we are both starting to realize what the other brought to the table that we took for granted. PLease feel free to ask any question....it helps me think.

[JenInVen]

I'm a lot like your W. I am very self centered and I spent 10 years with H taking to the point that he forgot what HE wanted. I am now trying to give to him what he needs and i'm sure he's wondering WTF. But you, like my H, need to stand up a little more for what you need in your R. My H did this too late and now he's gone. Please take a look at what you need too because if not you might learn to resent her.

Jen

[TwinDad]

Jen,

You are 100% correct. There was a time when I felt like I had resentment for my W. In particular with her career and that I felt like I was coming in 3rd or 4th in her priorities. I have been a little more assertive in what I want in the last several months in a gentle way. Basically, if I want something I ask for it. It used to be that I would massage her and not get anything in return. Now I might ask for her to massage my face (feels ohh so good) after I rub her feet for a while or something along those lines. The hard part now is that I have little or no leverage in which to ask from (or at least that is how I feel) due to her wanting to be separated. I still ask from time to time if we are hanging out. It is hard to get out of the giver and fixer mentality though

[TwinDad]

This week started my first week witht he kids staying at my place. Also my Mom flew in yesterday to spend some time with them. I thought this was going to be my easy week, but I actually found myself missing my wife even more than I did when I didn't have the kids (not for the things she does, but just because she wasn't there). This is strange considering we had a great weekend and I actually spent the night over there Monday night.

One cute thing my D said was "I don't want mommys house I want Dadas house" I guess she really like the princess bedding set I got for her. It did make me sad because I though well I would like Mommy and Dada to have the same house.

My mom has been glad to see the kids. Though I had to have along talk with her last night about not getting involved in my R. She didn't but I can't afford for her to do so....I don't want her defensive maternal instincts to come out with a W in a MLC.....very bad

I feel bad because my W is having a very hard time at work lately and texted me that her head hurt so bad that she was sick to her stomach. I help nurse her a little bit and then took off to go back to my place. No R talks at all though she did talk about getting a place together again. I felt bad because I left her in an empty house.

In evaluating the last month or so, I have noticed that by being her best friend she has opened up to me more, seems to have a more positive outlook on us again and is starting to let down her defenses a little bit. I have been very careful not to bring the R up at all and I think that in itself has been very refreshing to her. I have also beev validating her thoughts and ideas which she seems to like and it actually allows us to discuss them.

I will have a few opportunities to practice my DB this week with my D class and a family party on saturday. I just hope my Mom doesn't blow it for me (good intentions or not).

[TwinDad]

Ughhhh.....this is harder than I expected. I have the kids this week and I still feel so lonely. The worst part is I can hear the same loneliness in my wifes voice as well. The whole thing is just sad, so incredibly sad. I just want to reach out to her and put an end to this silly game, but I feel like it will just push her further away. She is having a very rough time at work now and I can't do my job as her husband to the full extent. This whole situation is just sad.

I was doing so well for the last couple of weeks considering, and now I feel like an emotional wreck. I guess this is why people go on AD. I don't understand why it is so bad today. I have actually been having a good amount of contact and time with my W (most of it initiated by her). I guess I just want this all behind me. I know I must sound like some glob of jello to you more experienced DBers, but I just had to get this out today

[JenInVen]

I'm really sorry you're having a hard time especially this week . It will get better I promise but until it does you need to be patient. Just give her what she wants right now and she'll see how much you really do care.

Relax - Take it easy

Jen

[TwinDad]

Jen,

Thanks for caring, I appreciate it. When do you head out on your trip?

[JenInVen]

Hi
I know how you feel. Sad but hopeful that this ordeal will lead our spouses back.

Tomorrow at midnight. The flights at 00:30 on the 31st.

Jen

[TwinDad]

Hopefully, you two will be able to catch some sleep on the way up.

Sad but Hopeful describes it so well. The hard part is seeing her sad as well. If she is sad then why don't we do something about it.....I just don't get it (and probably never will). I guess it is just an exercise in acceptance

[JenInVen]

My H went though a period of depression for about 2 months. His doc put him on AD. He kept saying he was sad but he had to do this. My mentality was if he's so sad why doesn't he come home and we can work thought it. His is that he's doing the right thing. Whatever!

You'll find many similarities in these BBs TD

D is excited about sleeping on the plane. Isn't it amazing what excites a 6 YO??!!

Jen