my story adventures of a WAW!

[christarn]

FG..here is the skinny..now this is gettn crazy..ready for the soap opra..and remember i live in small town america..population, no joke, 700!!

SIL, bestfriend is who my H dated for a while post seperation...her and I had huge falling out after the mix of words. I have already apologized to her via an email. She works right down the hall from me, at the hospital.

another SIL was going through D, my H and I became close to her H, as she was going thru MLC....family thought I was having an A, with him....yuck, yuck, yuck,...however, she as far as I know, has no issues...

from what H has told me, it is just mainly parents. His family has more drama than you could ever in your craziest moments begin to imagine. no joke.

I'm ok with apologizing, via a card...short/simple, to parents...i'm sure it will get past around the whole family, and and might even get posted in the town hall!

I'm a little nervous about H's reaction. This will also take away one of his "cards in the game" so to say. DB coach and I talked about that.

I truthfully think I am good with most of the family, with the exception of the parents...but who knows ???

last day of a 7 day work stretch...i'm ready for a break!
thanks for the feedback...

christa

[christarn]

another update!

H text me to let me know a friend of ours had past away. He even refered to him as "r friend"...I thought/think...this is a good sign (not that our friend has past away, or that in any regards I'm looking at his death in that regard) he didn't have to tell me about this friend passing away. Our friend lives in Wisconsin, and we only saw him when we would go up north to see my BIL/and his wife. So I would have never known...just thought it was a really nice/kind gesture.

We text msgd back and forth for about half an hour. He was on his bike at one of my all time favorite bar/resturants in alton, Il called Fast Eddies. The strange thing is, he told me in another text, I'm toasting one to clapper(our friend) at your favorite spot in alton....I text him back and was like...what...then he said where he was. I was like it must be nice, some of us are working today!! he made a few wise cracks, as did I...light flirting! It was good stuff!!

I'm seeing some glimmers of light on my sitch!!! Slow but sure, little twinkles of light!!

christa

[Flipper]

Hey Christa,

Sorry to butt in. Been following your thread. I too have an apology letter drafted to my in-laws. Haven't sent it yet. I've had it on computer for a few months. I know how you feel about "doing what's right". I really miss them. In the letter, I said that, adding that I let them down, along with their daughter. I ended off with a sincere apology. Still don't know if I should send it.

I am overjoyed about your text-banter with the H. Starting to see a solid positive pattern here? Hmmmm. Also sounds like he might be fishing to determine if you are seeing anyone. He looks curious. Good signs.

[christarn]

thanks for checkn in on me flipper!! much appreciated!!

I'm going to send the apology...new goal!! Just need to work on how to word it...and timing it. I DO NOT want inlaws to feel as if it is a manipulation to "get" H back/nor H to feel that way. Also, do not want them to think...who does she think she is...so many thoughts going thru my head. I just know it is the "right" thing to do. Regardless of what they say... can apologizing for hurting someone really be bad thing?

I'm in total agreeance(if that is a word!!! LOL) about him being curious about me...lovn that!! deffinitly seein some positive signs here!! love it!!

The power of prayer and patience....they are slowly getting me somewhere

take care flipper,
Christa

[ping1]

Christa, I am sorry to hear about your friend. Your H didn't have to let you know about it so that is a good thing.

On a side note, your H has been in contact with you now twice in the past few days, I know you are wanting to send the inlaws an apology letter, the sooner the better. The reason I say this is it appears to me your H is showing signs of coming around and contacting you, if you let this go for too long and the contact starts happening more often, the letter to the inlaws can be percieved as your way of getting him back. If you send it when there is little contact as is the case right now, the feelings will not be percieved as strongly that way. JMHO.

Keep doing what you are doing, I know it has been hard on you not seeing or communicating with H, things are looking better so you are doing something right.

[christarn]

Ping...this is where I am now stuck...since H is starting to come arund is it going to look to him(H)...because I know he will be shown the card/letter...as a manipulation to try to "get him back"...I can not let 5 months of hard work be gone like that. I am in no means trying to blow off an apology that I do believe I owe his parents...I'm just terrified of the timing, and of the perception. Especially now. He's communicated with me 3 times in an 8-9 day period...i'm just very weary of how this could be perceived...not so much by in-laws...but by my H. When I talked to DB coach...she didn't know of the two most recent communications...really changes things a bit.

thanks for your input ping! glad your finding "yourself" again! It makes this whole crazy rollar coaster ride easier once we find that place again....or at least it did for me.

thanks again... hugs 2 you
christa

[ping1]

Christa, I would give it another week or two, if he doesn't make any contact with you then I would send the letter or card. If he does make contact with you, then do not send it. Of course this is just my personal opinion on this, I just feel since he is making contact right now then he would feel it is manipulation if you were to go ahead and send it while the two of you are communicating. On the other hand, if the contact stops over the next week or two, by all means send it and go from there.

[christarn]

thanks Ping

much appreciated!! and a good plan of attack!!

christa

[Forrest Gump]

Ping1.. I agree.

Honestly.. I would much rather you do this face to face.

If things are changing... hold off.

If things stay the same way.. write the "Card" to the FIL.

Now when you write it.. write it like he was your dad. Put yourself in that mode. Don't be too scared of the emotion in it.

Adult Daughter.. to her Dad.

This does 2 things. It ties to some of his emotion.. even if he does not have a D. Then it comes from a man's perspective to everyone else. Now.. my thought is.. men don't like "Drama". Also they like when women talk to them. So.. the "Drama" may be controlled a bit.. and he will appreciate it. Now this has the side effect of the MIL will see thru it. Which in turn.. will take the focus off you. In my mind.. it puts alot of filters on it. It leaves you with trying to "fix" you and MIL. Maybe.

I don't envy you at all.

[christarn]

FG...thanks for input

I think for time being I'm going to hold off...just to see where H's standing is for next couple of weeks. If he shys back away...I will go on with my plan to send an apology. I agree, in your idea..face to face would be ideal. I have not seen either MIL or FIL since before I left. Given an opprotunity, or decent circumstances, I would offer a face to face apology. I think it would be much more sincere, and show much more emotion.

My home town festival days are this weekend...I'm still undecided about going. If I miss it will be the first time in 29 years I will miss. I know I should look my fear in the eyes and go...I guess with that being said...I'm scared of what those eyes may see. I always have an escape plan...always!

I never thought all of this would put so many things to think about in my head...and what the tinyiest, littliest(sp!!) mistake could screw up...and how all my work would be down the drain....with that one wrong move...

thanks for the input!
hugs
christa