"Do I tell her that I am not giving up on the relationship but I am just letting her have her space and going to let time tell if it is meant to be?"
Don't you think telling her your game plan to get her back will make all you are doing lose its effect?
It's kind of like saying I really want you back, so when you don't hear from me it's because I'm giving you space so you can decide if you want me or not.
I think you need to trust yourself and the facts of what have been happening.
I'm replying to about 6 different people on this board now, and you are only one of two whose spouse keeps contacting them for chit chat.
And you are the only one (of the 6) whose spouse has said that you are the only one she wants, has asked to come over, has asked to lie with her, to hold her, to come back over.
What you are doing is working, so stay consistent.
"Granted they were the condoms that we bought for us, but she had them with her...although still unopened but why would she need to carry them?"
It's really hard to say, although for some reason I stuck a condom my fiance left here months ago in my pocketbook (just in case he ran out at his place) and I took the whole weekend off to myself, and it's still in my bag. If he came over and it fell out, he may be wondering.
It is possible she is also considering getting involved with someone or it could be that for some reason she stashed them there when she asked you to come back over or when she stopped at your place.
In any event I think it's best right now to not bring them up so that you are creating the distance and not behaving like a husband would.
"When she brought my son over she insisted that nothing happened and that i have nothing to be upset about. I just said that I was upset because she knew that she would not be coming home and that it was planned. So what am I to think when this happens? Am I wrong for thinking this?"
You're not wrong for thinking this, again you are thinking like a husband and it's natural to do so. Just "react" not like a husband but like someone removed.
Well one more curveball! Today she came over to pick up my son. And once we got to my apartment she just sat down and started working on my computer. About 5 minutes she asks me to rub her back, which I did for about 10 minutes. After she finished what she was doing she asked me to call her tomorrow so she can finish up.
She has me so confused right now I am not sure how to read her!!!
It's really not that confusing. She obviously wants to keep you connected. The problem is that she's giving mixed messages. But I kind of see it as she's letting go of you, but she doesn't want you to let go of her.
It's anxiety-provoking to leave such a big commitment, and anxiety-provoking to return to such a big commitment, so she is walking the line.
What I am concerned about is that you are taking the passive role and just letting her push you away and then reel you in whenever she chooses.
I think you have been very consistent with going dark and such, that she keeps moving back in because you are doing such a great job.
So continue with your consistency. Don't let her fix your computer, and don't rub her back when she asks for it. Take control and say look, We are either committed or we're not committed, but I'm not going to play these games where you are fixing my computer and I'm rubbing your back. Your either in or your out.
And I think she will respect a man who will not allow her to lead him around the way she is trying not. Not completing succeeding because you have been doing a great job. Just stay consistent.
But before you do this and say this to her, let's get agreement or disagreement from a veteran on the board, like Tia, because I'm a newby, too.
Also I had a question...Oh yes, what is happening with the date for this Saturday night? Have either of you brought it up?
I do agree that I mke myself to available when ever she decides to come around. I eed to just man up and make myself unavailable in a nice way like I have planswith some friends or something.
As for the date, no neiher of us has brought up that as of yet. I think I should let this one cool off before we do something like that.
How do we get a veteranto post here? Do I need to do omething?
I don't know I posted a moderator on a different post because the website wouldn't let me send a PM to her. Try doing so yourself on a different thread and posting this thread there...
Good, I think you need to man up too. You are really making progress, I can see it.
And I also agree don't be the one to bring up this weekend date ever ever ever. Let her bring it up (and decide beforehand what you will say) and if she doesn't bring it up just forget about it and go out by yourself or with friends that night so you're not home.
Well hit another roadblock today. I had her vaccum and she wanted me to bring it over. She also asked if I would stop and get her some milk for her as well. So I did and went to dro it off for her. I came in and said hi and such and kept the conversation short but very friendly. She asked me if I would like to have some of her steak and I just simply said no thanks. I then told her that I had to go because I had a bunch of running around to do (which I didn't) and she instantly got ticked off. She became very upset and told me I would get the papers in the mail. She also aid that my attention span was about 5 seconds long and I am still trying to figure that one out.
How do I react to this, do I wait and see if she does send the papers or do I try to talk to her?
Well I guess it is all over for us. Figured out why she was so mad. She called me up to come over and fix her garbage disposal which was not working. Since I was still in the area I went over and fixed it. I then asked her if there was anything else she needed and she said nothing you want to discuss.
Come to find out she went and talked to her lawyer today and wanted us to come to an agreement on things. I reluctantly did and now I guess the waiting game begins. I feel so empty and lost right now I do not know what to do. Even though the papers have not been filed or anything as of yet I will continue on me and go from there. This is so freaking hard I wouldn't wish this pain on my worst enemy!!
