Taking the Plunge and Moving to Piecing

[mockers2]

Hi Jackie ~
Things sound good here. I'm very happy for you. Try to treat yourself kindly. The suggestion to break your weight loss goals down into baby steps is a good one - maybe try to change one thing this week - maybe exercise one more time. Then add little steps and change your goals as you meet them. You have accomplished so much - you can lose the wieght you want, but you have to give yourself some time. This may seem like an odd suggestion, but have you ever seen the website for Flylady? It's mainly about keeping your house clean and clutter free, but the underlying idea is loving yourself. And there are quite a few tips and suggestions about fitness, and healthy habits and weight loss. There is alot of inspiration there, and it's free. Just an off the wall idea, but it has helped me with some things around my house, and has helped me have a more positive outlook in general. Also, alot of laughs! Anyway- just an idea. Have a good weekend ~

[qoe100]

Hi, I just joined this particular thread and I'm thinking our H's might be siamese twins. Although, yours is ahead of mine at the moment with the love stuff. Anyway, I don't know if this may be out of line or not but I've found myself in self induced funks at various times and I finally got an antidepressant. It's helped enormously!!!! It took trying a few different ones before I found the right one for me but it's all good now. Good luck to you.

[holdingon]

Jackie,
You and I got bombs at about the same time, but my H moved out last Friday (a week ago). Don't know what to do now... Any suggestions? I am in MLC now.

[Dagny]

Thanks all for the words of encouragement and support. And I thought pieceing was going to be a cake walk compared to the other stuff, ha!

Got really frustrated this weekend, starting going down the road--what about me? I'm doing all this stuff and what have you done? He really hasn't changed, it is his reaction to my changes. Though, that is what this is about, isn't it?

Saturday, he was really off, grumpy and the sort. So in bed I asked him about the ILYs--does he mean them or do they just slip. He said it is meant and it has been a few times, so they aren't just slips (guess he is counting, too). I continued: why somedays and not others (really some week, a total of about 4 now), he said somedays they fit and somedays it doesn't. He said sometimes he feels like we are back and other days he doesn't. To be honest, I feel the same way, but obviously I am not going to throw the towel in over it.

Sunday was good until he started critizing me about how I roll the hose back up--really getting agitated and telling me how sad it is that I can't roll it up properly. I got very upset--how dare he keep getting after me about different things, yada yada yada, he finally asked me what was bothering me and I told him. He apologized and asked that we didn't fall into the same trap as before, so I let it go, happy for an apology.

Just frustrated. Need to reread DR and get my butt back on track.

Jackie

[grislen]

Jackie,

I have found that this piecing is so much harder than before. You have to be open to them and yet sometime you look and see that alien staring right back at you. I think this is what everyone is always talking about to have patience. Onceyou get here you have to have so much of it that it is hard. Anyway maybe it is time to reread DR and maybe you should put down some goals and see where that takes you.

Lee

[DoRight]

Jackie:
If it's any help, I find, so often, we "teach" or "train" other people how to treat us. The way we react, or respond, does effect them. In other words, we do create our own monsters, or own joys. As you look at your goals, and as you monitor things, look at what you want and work to bring that about. And like everyone else here, I hope what you want does come about, and that even though what you're doing is hard work, it is still, worth it.
DoRight

[darkblue]

when he went off about the hose, you just don't react, you control your own actions and reactions.

they appreciate this, I can't get in trouble now because I don't react

last monday I basically took the day off at work, did less than nothing and left at 4, w. caught crap from a few customers that had to wait a bit longer for nothing important and she couldn't give me hell even though she wanted too - because I DON't give her hell anymore.

You can't go back, you are in control of you!!

[KAW]

He said sometimes he feels like we are back and other days he doesn't. To be honest, I feel the same way, but obviously I am not going to throw the towel in over it.

In a round about way, its his way of saying that it is getting better. At one point, he felt the bad times outnumbered the good ones. Now you're somewhere in the middle, but its enough of a change for him to realize that it can continue to get better to the point where the good time will far outweigh the bad.

... but its a slow process, one that takes a lot of effort to stride for those good times. He did turn it around by asking what bothered you and apoligizing altho it did seem to take a turn for the worse before that. Now what can be done to turn it around before that? While you can't control his critizism, you can attempt to keep him from harping on it. Tell him you got the point and will try to do better next time. If he continues, remove yourself so that you both get a cool off period where calmer heads will prevail.

All it takes is one point in the dynamic to change the total outcome. Before reacting to what he did, take a moment to think what can I do to draw us closer right now? Its a matter of asking that first to find what works, rather than getting caught up in old patterns.

'til later,
KAW

[SteveO]

Jackie!!

How are ya, girl???

he finally asked me what was bothering me and I told him. He apologized and asked that we didn't fall into the same trap as before, so I let it go, happy for an apology.

Am I the only one that see's a positive here????

HE (not you) asked that the two of you don't fall into the same trap as before.

To my eyes, that means he CARES. He LIKES where the M is going, and doesn't want to see it backslide. He apologized....hell, you two had open communication, and a potential problem seems like it was nipped in the bud.

You are doing great, Jackie. Keep fighting the good fight!

Take care

Steve

[rjd5974]

Jackie,
Just checking up on you. Man, as I visit some of my old friends who have moved over to piecing all i hear is how much harder it is! Meanwhile I'm in a seperation and my PMA is really good and I'm mostly feeling happy? So who's really in the better place here?

Of course I say that jokingly, I'd love to have the problems you guys are having. In any event, just remember how far you've come and remember your H has a lot of learning and catching up to do that he has to do in his own way. So keep up the patience, your H is doing very well. Maybe it's not going as fast as you like..but at least it's going forward more than backwards, and you can't ask for much more than that.